
The Hidden Truths About Divorce Nobody Tells You

The Hidden Truths About Divorce Nobody Tells You
Dou know somebody, who knows somebody, who knows somebody who’s gone through a nasty divorce?
What if there are other truths about divorce?
Those stories, along with TV, media, and our personal experiences, make us think that everything about divorce must be negative.
I say, double thumbs down to that belief. 👎 👎
Yes, divorce can be hard. This post is about helping you understand the hidden truth about divorce that we don’t hear about often enough.
Discover 10 realities that may change your perspective on divorce as you’re going through it.
What if you could put a glass on a therapist’s office door, read their session notes, or jump into their brains and discover what they want all their patients to know about divorce?
Here’s your chance🤫.
4 min read: Prefer the audio summary of this blog post – sign up for the FIIRM Hero Newsletter & Private Podcast to HEAR what this post is all about when you don’t have time to read it.
1. Truth About Divorce: Change Is the New Comfort Zone
Many view divorce as a massive failure or the end of happiness.
On the contrary, therapists often see it as a transition to something better. I remember a conversation with my therapist about divorce, and we talked about the idea of a marriage reaching its expiration.
I saw that perspective as a light bulb moment – it felt like a hidden truth about marriage and divorce.
Embracing change can lead you to live more authentically in your next chapter.
The change in seasons brings hope and joy for some and despair for others.
I think the orange, red & brown leaves on trees in the fall are gorgeous, but maybe you prefer full green trees.
Adjusting your perspective can transform fear into hope, showing you the way—not the obstacle.

Download our Divorce Support Pack to get started on finding the right resources to help you.
2. Healthy Communication Is Underrated
In my last two blog posts, I’ve talked about the importance of communication. Well here we go again.
Here’s another perspective, being ‘heard’ without truly ‘listening’ doesn’t solve problems.
According to therapists, the truth about divorce is that active listening is the real hero.
It involves empathy, open-ended questions, and patience.
Next time you feel like giving your partner an earful, pause, breathe, and actively listen instead—it could save more than just the day!
It could save you time and money as you move through the divorce process.

3. Not So Hidden Truth About Divorce: Your Children Are Watching EVERYTHING
When your kids are adults, you hear about all the things they noticed that you didn’t know about.
If you have kids, it’s crucial to stay mindful of their perspective. They’re the unsuspecting audience for your drama.
A real-life experience to learn from:
Criticisms of your partner – save it for your friends, not your kids.
I’m not suggesting you fake the funk – just think of your disputes like an X rated movie that you wouldn’t want them to see.
Model the behavior you want them to reenact in their future relationship. Even though my parents never married, my mom didn’t disparage my father in front of me as I was growing up.
I sincerely appreciate that!

4. Self-Care: Don’t Neglect It
Yup, it’s time to Fire up that bubble bath, grab your favorite book, and indulge in some you-time. Therapists recommend prioritizing self-care amid the chaos.
The truth about divorce that is not talked about enough is that your emotional tank needs to be refueled.
Hit the gym, have a spa day, or just binge-watch Netflix guilt-free!
Go to your sister’s house and sit in the spare room with the door locked. If your sister’s house is chaotic, find a reasonable hotel deal.
Treat yourself with kindness—your future self will thank you.

5. Divorce Truth: A Mediator Could Be Your Fairy Godparent 🧝
Mediators can seem like the magical heroes of the divorce realm. They swoop in with their neutral wand, resolving conflicts you thought were unsolvable.
Therapists suggest embracing mediation early to minimize drama and bolster fair resolutions.
Your mediator is not the judge or the jury, but they are a savvy neutral, ensuring a more harmonious outcome when emotions run high. Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo indeed!
Most divorces CAN be settled out of court. That’s a truth about divorce that doesn’t get talked about enough.

6. Closure is Found, Not Given
Seeking closure is like trying to grab a shadow. Therapists advocate creating your own closure instead of waiting for it.
Journaling, therapy sessions, and new experiences can help weave closure into your post-divorce tapestry.
Embrace the chance to move forward, not by waiting for something from the past, but by redefining your future path.
The hard truth is that you may never understand why your marriage didn’t work.
7. Unpopular Truth: Co-Parenting Does Not Equal Friendship
Not all exes can be friends. Not all exes need to be friends.
Confusing co-parenting with rekindling friendship often leads to murky waters. Therapists suggest drawing clear, healthy boundaries.
Focus on building a functional co-parenting relationship rather than striving for friendship.
Hard truth: Mind your business unless it impacts your kids. 😉😉
That’s not to say you can’t get along—just don’t force a relationship.
Partnership in parenting is powerful enough alone!
8. Your Single Identity is a Superpower🪄
Flying solo doesn’t mean losing your power! On the contrary, therapists encourage embracing your uniqueness during singlehood.
Uncover strengths, passions, and the self-love journey—your cape is already sewn!
Losing the title of wife does not negate the incredible woman you are.
If you’ve been dying to redecorate – now’s your chance.
Hated going to the local dive bar with your soon-to-be-ex – no need to go anymore.
This is an opportunity to know you better and embrace empowerment as your very own superhero in the making.

9. Give Grief The Space It Deserves
It’s okay to grieve; it’s part of healing.
It might hit you 2 hours after you sign the papers, 2 weeks later or both.
Just in case, it hits same day – you might want to take off of work. Trying to lead a meeting, present a new idea or provide constructive feedback to a team member the day your divorce is final could be a recipe for disaster.
Don’t suppress the feelings – give them the space they deserve.
The divorce truth that most don’t share with us is that doing so may allow you to heal faster.
Remember, you’re not alone, seriously!
Relying on friends and family provides emotional grounding.
Therapists often encourage building a supportive network that uplifts and guides during tough times.
A strong support system not only stabilizes but also accelerates the recovery process. Consider it your emotional shock absorber.

10. Hard Truth About Divorce: Forgiveness is for You, Not Them
The ultimate irony? Forgiveness liberates you, not your ex. It lightens your emotional load, according to therapists.
Instead of harboring resentment, think of forgiveness as a freeing gift to yourself, bringing peace amid the turmoil.
With forgiveness, you pave not just a smoother path for your future, but a more joyous one too.
11. Financial Engagement: Your New Best Friend
You’re the CFO now.
Bills, assets, and accountability—oh my! You need to know your assets and debts inside-out, pre & post divorce.
Getting financially savvy not only avoids future conflicts but also sets you free to confidently plan the next big chapter of your life.
You don’t have to manage your money the way you did as a married couple. Learn new ways!
12. Therapy Isn’t a Taboo, It’s a Tool
Shaking off the stigma around therapy is more crucial than ever.
Therapy provides essential tools for dealing with the seismic shifts divorce brings, like a personal life coach dedicated to helping you find balance.
It’s an investment in your future self—sometimes, the best lessons come with just a bit of vulnerability and openness.

Take FIIRM Action to Get Through Your Divorce
Divorce can be the ultimate catalyst for reinvention.
But first – reflection. Reflection allows you to learn from mistakes, forgive past madness, and pursue a brighter future.
Reflect on these insights, apply what resonates and chart your own path with courage and grace.
Don’t suppress anything. Be patient with yourself.
Think about the ocean. It’s vast and hard to really picture how big it is.
It’s also hard to imagine how you’re going to manage all the emotions you’re going to feel.
As the proverb goes, tears water the flowers of the future. Let yourself feel the feels.
Instead of suppressing pain or pushing it aside, giving it room helps to truly let go when the time comes.
Let the ocean fill up with your emotions. Just hold off on the pollutants though. 😉
Check out our Divorce Support Pack to support you on your path to surviving your divorce.

Nikki Tucker
Founder & Managing Director
Nikki is an experienced financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security post-divorce. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit and be connected to the right resources for the next phase of life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your pre and post-divorce easier. Grab your FREE Divorce Support Pack.
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