Silent Preparation Series Early Steps When Considering Divorce

Silent Preparation Series- Part III – Early Steps When Considering Divorce


Updated January 18, 2023

Originally Published: June 15, 2021


Who You Gone Call?


If your answer was “Ghostbusters,” you’re definitely “my people.” However, if you’re preparing for a divorce, unfortunately, Ghostbusters can’t help you.

Sawry 😔

Next option…

“Call your attorney.”

All too often, we hear that when someone is considering a divorce, their first phone call should be to an attorney. But if we’re being honest, in some situations, that step might be too early.

And guess what?! You may not need to do that… or at least not yet.

We’ve heard the stories of nasty divorces that get dragged out in court or the constant fighting after the divorce is final.

We’ve also heard the stories of relatively peaceful divorces that still come with a hefty price tag.

And let’s be honest, if we’ve never been through the process, all of these horror stories scare the bejeezus out of us!

I honestly believe that if you and your soon-to-be-ex truly have good intentions, then divorce doesn’t have to be nasty, and attorneys don’t have to be your first phone call.

Plus, if your husband has no idea you plan on divorcing him, it’s OK to prepare in silence. 🤐



Download our Divorce Support Pack  to get started on finding the right resources to help you.


The First Steps a Woman Should Take Before Divorce | Consider What You Really Need

Notice I didn’t say what you want.

One of the early steps when considering a divorce in the FIIRM Approach Framework is about declaring your intentions in a tangible way.

Focus on the keyword here . . . INTENTIONS.

While there are some things that will be a priority for you, if you are dead set on “taking him for everything he’s got” or “limiting time with his kids” merely to stick it to him, this blog probably isn’t meant for you, and we shouldn’t waste each other’s time (respectfully speaking).

On the other hand, if you want to strategically get things in order and divorce as amicably as possible — then you’re aligned with the mission of The FIIRM Approach.

Note: we recognize that things may not end amicably, but it’s your intention to start that way.

During the initial phase, you’re considering what you want and need… the nice-to-haves and the need-to-haves.

Additionally, you’re considering what & whom you need to go through the process.

But as far as some of the needs, let’s look at a few examples just to make sure we are on the same page:

  • I need to be able to pay my bills
  • I need to do what I think is best for the kids
  • I need to know what to expect in this process
  • I need to feel comfortable speaking up for myself
  • I need to get comfortable spending time with my finances
  • I need to earn more money

Here are a few examples of things I classify as wants but are often communicated as needs:

  • I need my kids to stay in the same school/school district
  • I need to stay in my house
  • I need to maintain my same lifestyle
  • I need to control what happens at my ex’s house

We have legitimate fears, frustrations, and aspirations that are highlighted during the divorce process. Some things are connected to what we know about the person we married, while others are connected to what we know/don’t know about ourselves. 

So instead of thinking of it as needs versus wants, consider it as wants vs. non-negotiables.

For example, it can be a non-negotiable that you have enough money to pay your bills, but that may mean that you can’t afford to stay in your current home even though you desire to; thus, staying in your home is not a need


Early Steps When Considering Divorce | What’s the What?

The “what” comes down to something that seems so simple in layman’s terms but can actually be one of the most daunting tasks – Organizing Your Documents.

When you consider the “what”, one of the easiest yet scariest things you can do is get organized. It may take some time, but it’s often time well spent. 

The first step to organizing is to gather all of your financial documents. These documents include but aren’t limited too: 

  • Bills/Nonrecurring expenses
  • Budgets
  • Account Statements
  • Pay stubs
  • Titles/Property Documents

Gather documents for everything you own and owe, essentially anything else that’s part of your financial life. 

Now, organizing documents in itself may not be the most exciting thing in the world. Chances are it will hardly bring you joy. 

BUT, there are two primary things that come out of organizing – credibility & confidence.

Organized financial documents give you a better insight into where you stand and help with your credibility during your divorce journey. It indicates that you have a keen awareness of your finances and can back up your statements, ultimately leading to fewer headaches. 

Good financial reporting, a.k.a organized documents, also gives you greater confidence when negotiating and making decisions. 

So again – not the dictionary definition of joy, but pretty damn close when it comes down to it.

Understand What Divorce Options Are Available

 Some powerful forces can help you get through your divorce process, most of which you may have never heard of.

By the way, I have absolutely NOTHING against attorneys. They are necessary to the industry and can be extremely vital assets to you during the divorce process!

However, the divorce industry is changing, and there are certain steps a woman can take when preparing for divorce that doesn’t have to do with calling attorneys.


The Modern-Day Divorce Process Looks a Bit Different – Thank You Technology

While the laws still haven’t really caught up yet to modern times & technology, we will take the wins where we can get them!

Some divorce industry professionals are helping to change things.

I love it and want more of it… 😉😉

Plus, technology is playing a bigger role in divorce, too, especially since COVID-19.

Divorce pros that weren’t always at the table before now not only have a seat – they have a voice.

Consider this…

Fifty years ago, becoming an Uber driver or social media manager wasn’t a thing.

Yet here we are.

Allow me to introduce you to divorce in the 21st century.

Early Steps When Considering Divorce | Who’s the Who?

Learning about the divorce professionals out there is another step that’s vital to getting the support you need. Here is a breakdown of some of the most helpful professionals to add to your divorce preparation checklist.

Divorce Mediator

Mediators are neutral in the divorce process. They ensure that both parties are informed. Mediators don’t provide legal advice but can confidentially help you end your marriage.  

Divorce Coach

Divorce Coaches can help with the following: 

  • Strategic decisions
  • Understanding your state laws
  • Managing your expectations
  • Providing useful information 

All things that can get you through the divorce process more smoothly.

Collaborative Divorce Attorney

Collaborative Divorce Attorneys focus on two primary goals: 

#1: Fair negotiations

#2 Keeping you OUT of court

Certified Divorce Financial Analyst

Certified Divorce Financial Analysts can help you understand the financial decisions made today and their impact on your financial future. Things like: 

  • Property divisions
  • Tax issues
  • Earning capabilities

And plenty more financial aspects of divorce that you just aren’t quite prepared to battle.

Yep, I’m one of them. 

Divorce Mortgage Specialist

Divorce Mortgage Specialists understand how to evaluate income, child support, and alimony during the mortgage underwriting process and sometimes provide helpful education in negotiations.

Steps to divorce on your own steps to divorce with a child, and steps to divorce silently are all aspects I’ve worked with in the past. Learn all about . . .

  • The abovementioned divorce support professionals,
  • Where to start your divorce process,
  • And how to keep your divorce costs down.

I know you may be used to carrying the weight (alone), but I just want to remind/inform you that you don’t have to do this alone. 

This blog post may not be able to bring you through the divorce process step by step, but it can surely point you in the right direction. 

Learn about these divorce support professionals and more by grabbing your Divorce Support Pack Today.

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director


Nikki is an experienced financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security post-divorce. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit and be connected to the right resources for the next phase of life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your pre and post-divorce easier. Grab your FREE Divorce Support Pack.

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