How to Get the Support You Need During a Divorce

How to Get the Support You Need During a Divorce

Jan 31, 2023

How to Get the Support You Need During a Divorce

 
Originally Published – June 12, 2020

 

When celebrities announce their divorce on social media, what do you think?

Thousands of responses to the news flood in.

Those announcements are harmless, right?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Here are some of the typical responses when such an announcement is made:

“I really thought you two had it all together”😩

“You were my favorite couple”😶

“If you all can’t make it, there’s no hope for me” 😳

“Are you sure you can’t work it out” 🤬

“You seemed like you really loved each other” 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

You’re probably reading this thinking: OMG! This 👏 is 👏 not 👏 helpful‼

My thoughts exactly!

When someone announces their divorce, generally speaking, they are looking for support…

Again, that’s generally speaking…there could be ulterior motives.

If you were to make a similar divorce announcement, this is likely not the kind of “support” you’re looking for‼‼

 

Feelings of others When a Couple Divorces

 

Unfortunately, a couple’s divorce often prompts us to respond with our hopes & aspirations for THEIR relationship.

We feel compelled to tell them how we feel!

Announcements aren’t wrong, per se, (it’s your business and prerogative to post what you want), but let’s discuss it.

We’re going to dive into how to prevent non-supportive responses as much as possible.

How to Get the Support You Need During Your Divorce

 

A divorce is an event that feels like your world is turning upside down. It infiltrates every aspect of your life. It can even shape your existence into something unrecognizable.

Going through a divorce truly takes a village. You need the support of your friends, family, and community now more than ever.

Most people in your life will not understand what you’re going through. When you announce your divorce, you aren’t looking for judgment or commentary on what they think your relationship was or could have been.

While they mean no harm, you want to be able to shape the responses and support you receive to help you get through the other side without losing the people closest to you.

Preventing non-supportive reactions is possible! Keep reading to learn how to do just that.

Peaceful Divorce Solutions | How to Get the Support You Need

 

The simplest (not to be confused with easy ☺) way to get the support you need from your family and friends is to tell them how to support you AND how not to.

It sounds overly simplified, but it’s an underutilized tool.

On the surface, encouragement from a loved one could sound like this:

“I wish you the best.”
“Let me know if you need anything.”
“I love you no matter what.”

Said with the best intentions, those responses don’t feel natural or normal to most of us, so they are coupled with 3- 5 other messages that you don’t feel are as helpful. You may have to guide your inner circle in the direction you want them to go.

Try out this script:

“Hey(friend/family member name). I wanted to let you know that (Spouse Name), and I have decided to end our marriage. This is a very difficult decision, and we still have a deep amount of (love, respect, concern, etc.) for each other.

I need your support in a significant way right now, and here’s what it looks like. I really need to know that you will be just as kind to him as you have always been. The best way you can help me and be there for me right now is by not asking questions about our process or questioning our decisions. I will share details as soon as I feel mentally ready, but I don’t have it in me right now. We both are doing the best we can for each other and the kids (if you have kids).

If you’re unable to support me in that way, I completely understand, but just know that I will likely need to take some space away from anyone that can’t give me that right now. My final request is that you don’t say “you’re sorry,” bash (spouse name) in front of the kids or me, or tell me that you’re disappointed because I just can’t handle hearing that right now.” (you get to pick what makes sense for your situation)

I’m aware that this script assumes that your decision to end your marriage is mutual (I know that may not be the case). However, if you feel like it could work, It may also indicate that your divorce is not overly hostile or high conflict.

Check out our Divorce Support Pack to grab that script and others to help you start & get through your divorce journey.

 

Peaceful Divorce Solutions | The Breakdown

 

While we always hope to have a peaceful divorce, it can be more complicated.

You might even be reading this thinking, “yeah, right, this will never work.

This doesn’t have to be the exact script you use, but I promise something similar can work with people that genuinely care about you and respect your wishes.

This is one example of what a modern mature divorce experience can look like.

You’re being specific and kind in your request while disarming someone of their gut reactions.

You’re also setting expectations and boundaries. Your family may still talk about you when you end the phone call, but you can’t control that anyway, so who cares!

If the person responds in a way that dishonors your request, then they may have to be cut out of your communication circle, at least for a little while. As the saying goes, when people show you who they are, believe them.

Protect Yourself During a Divorce

 

While sharing the details of your marriage during the good times is normal and feels amazing- It’s important to practice caution about sharing your pain, anger, and disappointment as openly.

In the FIIRM hero community, I shared guidance on revealing scabs versus wounds. (Shout out to Nikki Elledge Brown, btw)!

People will feel inclined to tell you how they feel about your relationships. They’ll also very quickly tell you how they feel about your soon-to-be ex as soon as you give them the space to do so.

The fastest way to open that door is by telling them everything you dislike about being married to your soon-to-be-ex.

Whether vocally or through social media, sharing your process and heartbreak, while cathartic, can be just as damaging. It invites the audience, some of who may be strangers and don’t really know you or your spouse, to give their perspective on your divorce.

Unfortunately, venting on social media brings a double whammy as it can also be used against you in court.

Any decent divorce attorney will tell you that it’s in your best interest not to share intimate details about your divorce on social media.

Along with that they may even suggest not sharing with your extended family/friends until it’s over.

It doesn’t matter if it’s:

👉A DM

👉 A private message

👉An individual or group text

👉 A closed private Facebook group

None of that matters. A simple screen shot can cause harm to your case.

Coping with divorce is complex, especially if we try to go through it alone. We all need someone we can trust and confide in.

Check out our Divorce Support Pack to help you start & get through the journey.

But we have to be careful who we invite to listen to our true feelings or strategies as the proceedings are ongoing.

Remember that your life is changing enough without adding to the harm and damage you can do by publicly announcing your anger and hurt.

If you do feel compelled to vent publicly, tread carefully and just be prepared for the possibility of a couple of chinks in your armor.

Below is a quick tip for getting support and protecting yourself during your divorce:

 

Three is usually more than enough company when you’re going through a divorce. Find two true friends and one therapist.
When you’re ready to scream:

“He makes sick. I can’t stand him”

“I don’t understand why he’s being so damn unreasonable”

“I wish I never had to talk to him again”

These are the only people that should get to hear it.

Divorce can be hard enough without worrying about judgment, disappointing others, and betrayal — keep that circle as tight as possible to protect your heart (and your case!).

We developed a tool to help you navigate your pre & post-divorce journey. Check out our Divorce Support Pack to give you the tools you need to come out on the other side okay.

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is an experienced financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security post-divorce. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit and be connected to the right resources for the next phase of life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your pre and post-divorce easier. Grab your FREE Divorce Support Pack.

Silent Preparation Series- Part III – Early Steps When Considering Divorce

Silent Preparation Series- Part III – Early Steps When Considering Divorce

Jan 18, 2023

Silent Preparation Series Early Steps When Considering Divorce

Silent Preparation Series- Part III – Early Steps When Considering Divorce

Updated January 18, 2023

Originally Published: June 15, 2021

 

Who You Gone Call?

 

If your answer was “Ghostbusters,” you’re definitely “my people.” However, if you’re preparing for a divorce, unfortunately, Ghostbusters can’t help you.

Sawry 😔

Next option…

“Call your attorney.”

All too often, we hear that when someone is considering a divorce, their first phone call should be to an attorney. But if we’re being honest, in some situations, that step might be too early.

And guess what?! You may not need to do that… or at least not yet.

We’ve heard the stories of nasty divorces that get dragged out in court or the constant fighting after the divorce is final.

We’ve also heard the stories of relatively peaceful divorces that still come with a hefty price tag.

And let’s be honest, if we’ve never been through the process, all of these horror stories scare the bejeezus out of us!

I honestly believe that if you and your soon-to-be-ex truly have good intentions, then divorce doesn’t have to be nasty, and attorneys don’t have to be your first phone call.

Plus, if your husband has no idea you plan on divorcing him, it’s OK to prepare in silence. 🤐

 

 

Download our Divorce Support Pack  to get started on finding the right resources to help you.

 

The First Steps a Woman Should Take Before Divorce | Consider What You Really Need

Notice I didn’t say what you want.

One of the early steps when considering a divorce in the FIIRM Approach Framework is about declaring your intentions in a tangible way.

Focus on the keyword here . . . INTENTIONS.

While there are some things that will be a priority for you, if you are dead set on “taking him for everything he’s got” or “limiting time with his kids” merely to stick it to him, this blog probably isn’t meant for you, and we shouldn’t waste each other’s time (respectfully speaking).

On the other hand, if you want to strategically get things in order and divorce as amicably as possible — then you’re aligned with the mission of The FIIRM Approach.

Note: we recognize that things may not end amicably, but it’s your intention to start that way.

During the initial phase, you’re considering what you want and need… the nice-to-haves and the need-to-haves.

Additionally, you’re considering what & whom you need to go through the process.

But as far as some of the needs, let’s look at a few examples just to make sure we are on the same page:

  • I need to be able to pay my bills
  • I need to do what I think is best for the kids
  • I need to know what to expect in this process
  • I need to feel comfortable speaking up for myself
  • I need to get comfortable spending time with my finances
  • I need to earn more money

Here are a few examples of things I classify as wants but are often communicated as needs:

  • I need my kids to stay in the same school/school district
  • I need to stay in my house
  • I need to maintain my same lifestyle
  • I need to control what happens at my ex’s house

We have legitimate fears, frustrations, and aspirations that are highlighted during the divorce process. Some things are connected to what we know about the person we married, while others are connected to what we know/don’t know about ourselves. 

So instead of thinking of it as needs versus wants, consider it as wants vs. non-negotiables.

For example, it can be a non-negotiable that you have enough money to pay your bills, but that may mean that you can’t afford to stay in your current home even though you desire to; thus, staying in your home is not a need. 

 

Early Steps When Considering Divorce | What’s the What?

The “what” comes down to something that seems so simple in layman’s terms but can actually be one of the most daunting tasks – Organizing Your Documents.

When you consider the “what”, one of the easiest yet scariest things you can do is get organized. It may take some time, but it’s often time well spent. 

The first step to organizing is to gather all of your financial documents. These documents include but aren’t limited too: 

  • Bills/Nonrecurring expenses
  • Budgets
  • Account Statements
  • Pay stubs
  • Titles/Property Documents

Gather documents for everything you own and owe, essentially anything else that’s part of your financial life. 

Now, organizing documents in itself may not be the most exciting thing in the world. Chances are it will hardly bring you joy. 

BUT, there are two primary things that come out of organizing – credibility & confidence.

Organized financial documents give you a better insight into where you stand and help with your credibility during your divorce journey. It indicates that you have a keen awareness of your finances and can back up your statements, ultimately leading to fewer headaches. 

Good financial reporting, a.k.a organized documents, also gives you greater confidence when negotiating and making decisions. 

So again – not the dictionary definition of joy, but pretty damn close when it comes down to it.
 

Understand What Divorce Options Are Available

 Some powerful forces can help you get through your divorce process, most of which you may have never heard of.

By the way, I have absolutely NOTHING against attorneys. They are necessary to the industry and can be extremely vital assets to you during the divorce process!

However, the divorce industry is changing, and there are certain steps a woman can take when preparing for divorce that doesn’t have to do with calling attorneys.

 

The Modern-Day Divorce Process Looks a Bit Different – Thank You Technology

While the laws still haven’t really caught up yet to modern times & technology, we will take the wins where we can get them!

Some divorce industry professionals are helping to change things.

I love it and want more of it… 😉😉

Plus, technology is playing a bigger role in divorce, too, especially since COVID-19.

Divorce pros that weren’t always at the table before now not only have a seat – they have a voice.

Consider this…

Fifty years ago, becoming an Uber driver or social media manager wasn’t a thing.

Yet here we are.

Allow me to introduce you to divorce in the 21st century.
 

Early Steps When Considering Divorce | Who’s the Who?

Learning about the divorce professionals out there is another step that’s vital to getting the support you need. Here is a breakdown of some of the most helpful professionals to add to your divorce preparation checklist.

Divorce Mediator

Mediators are neutral in the divorce process. They ensure that both parties are informed. Mediators don’t provide legal advice but can confidentially help you end your marriage.  

Divorce Coach

Divorce Coaches can help with the following: 

  • Strategic decisions
  • Understanding your state laws
  • Managing your expectations
  • Providing useful information 

All things that can get you through the divorce process more smoothly.

Collaborative Divorce Attorney

Collaborative Divorce Attorneys focus on two primary goals: 

#1: Fair negotiations

#2 Keeping you OUT of court

Certified Divorce Financial Analyst

Certified Divorce Financial Analysts can help you understand the financial decisions made today and their impact on your financial future. Things like: 

  • Property divisions
  • Tax issues
  • Earning capabilities

And plenty more financial aspects of divorce that you just aren’t quite prepared to battle.

Yep, I’m one of them. 

Divorce Mortgage Specialist

Divorce Mortgage Specialists understand how to evaluate income, child support, and alimony during the mortgage underwriting process and sometimes provide helpful education in negotiations.

Steps to divorce on your own steps to divorce with a child, and steps to divorce silently are all aspects I’ve worked with in the past. Learn all about . . .

  • The abovementioned divorce support professionals,
  • Where to start your divorce process,
  • And how to keep your divorce costs down.

I know you may be used to carrying the weight (alone), but I just want to remind/inform you that you don’t have to do this alone. 

This blog post may not be able to bring you through the divorce process step by step, but it can surely point you in the right direction. 

Learn about these divorce support professionals and more by grabbing your Divorce Support Pack Today.

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is an experienced financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security post-divorce. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit and be connected to the right resources for the next phase of life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your pre and post-divorce easier. Grab your FREE Divorce Support Pack.

Divorce in a Loving Way

Divorce in a Loving Way

Jan 1, 2023

Easy Ways to Cut Expenses Going Into the New Year

Divorce in a Loving Way

Updated January 1, 2023

Originally Published: February 15, 2022

 

How to Have a Peaceful Divorce

 

Celebrity divorces happen regularly and seem to have a common theme.

Their press releases offer the same themes of sadness, wishing others the best, continuing love and respect, the desire to move forward, and of course, the need for privacy.

Many seem to be able to move forward with a peaceful divorce, seemingly drama free.

As fans or bystanders, we form our own opinions about how we feel about the couple and what we think is going on behind closed doors.

We express anger, disappointment, and shock as if we know them personally.

All the while knowing we are so many degrees separated from the celebrity couple that their divorce will have little to no impact on our day-to-day lives.

But what about the people close to us who decide to divorce? Or what about when it’s us?

Divorce is one of the most difficult life changes that many people go through. Both parties can experience hurt and anger, and the feelings tend to affect those in our lives.

There are times when the way celebrities lead their lives is so unrelatable that there’s not much that everyday people can learn from it. But I think this trend could help us understand how to manage divorce amicably a.k.a peacefully.

The FIIRM Approach to Achieving a Peaceful Divorce

 

It is possible to divorce in a peaceful, loving way.

The FIIRM Approach methodology includes declaring your intention at the very beginning of the divorce process.

Setting an intention doesn’t mean you will do everything right or won’t have moments when you feel unsure. Still, it’s a chance to hold yourself accountable and manage the expectations of others.

I wrote a blog post in 2020 and updated it in 2022 called How to Get the Support You Need During a Divorce to help women understand their power in shaping their divorce experience.

While you may not have the judgment of millions of strangers to consider as you prepare to divorce, managing the expectations of your family by setting the tone in a joint or individual statement can help you get the support you need.

Achieving a peaceful divorce is possible and starts with issuing a statement to your soon-to-be-ex, friends, and family. You know…kind of how celebrities do.

State your intentions to establish and set the tone of how you plan to move through the process and what boundaries you will put in place. Giving your statement helps you set the narrative.

In the blog post mentioned above, I mentioned that giving your statement means “You’re being specific and kind in your request while disarming some of their gut reactions.”

Your statement doesn’t need to be delivered through a publicist or posted on social media. It can be shared via email, text, or even phone calls based on your opinion of the best way to communicate the news.

Too often, people are pulled into nasty divorces, forced to choose sides, give statements, and defend others’ actions. Honestly, except for the nosey/shady ones, most of your family & friends don’t want to get in the middle of your divorce. They want to support you as you make this significant transition in your life while staying “above the fray/cray cray.”

 

Check out our Divorce Support Pack to give you the tools to craft your statement.

 

Of course, sharing a statement doesn’t necessarily stop people from asking questions, but I welcome you to take another page from the celebrity playbook and respond with “No comment” or “There is nothing further to share at this point” and keep moving forward.

It’s a gentle reminder to refer them to your statement, remind them you want a peaceful divorce, and keep the interference to a minimum.

10 Ways to Divorce in a Loving Way

Divorcing in a peaceful & loving means you have no desire to “fight to the death” with your soon-to-be ex. This may look different for each of us, depending on the divorce circumstances. However, here are a few examples of how to achieve a peaceful divorce:

  1. If you are initiating the divorce, explore less contentious divorce methods (understanding that no matter how hard you try, you may end up in court)
  2. Find emotional/mental support specifically for your divorce journey
  3. Understand your emotional triggers and non-negotiable items (this does not mean that you are not expected to feel emotional)
  4. Understand your partner’s triggers (this will help with communication)
  5. Choose mutually beneficial ways to communicate (follow-up verbal conversations in writing when possible)
  6. Make sure you are having conversations or negotiations from an informed position
  7. Refrain from oversharing (this includes family, friends, AND your soon-to-be-ex)
  8. Spend more time listening
  9. Be mindful of responses from a place of anger or hurt. Pause and collect your thoughts when needed.
  10. Understand that everyone will lose in some way…strategically prepare for your losses.

Your divorce may not look like something on the Hallmark Channel (one of my favorite channels, by the way,) but you have the opportunity to frame your divorce journey with the best intentions, which is a great place to start.

Divorce can be incredibly painful, and getting the help you need can help you get ready for the next chapter in your life. We developed a tool to help you navigate your pre & post-divorce journey. Check out our Divorce Support Pack to give you the tools you need to come out on the other side okay.

 

 
Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is an experienced financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security post-divorce. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit and be connected to the right resources for the next phase of life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your pre and post-divorce easier. Grab your FREE Divorce Support Pack.

New Experiences Don’t Have to Be Expensive

New Experiences Don’t Have to Be Expensive

May 15, 2022

Easy Ways to Cut Expenses Going Into the New Year

New Experiences Don’t Have to Be Expensive

New Experiences Don’t Have to Be Expensive

 

 

 

Escaping When Life Feels Heavy

 

I don’t know about you but life feels heavy often. BUSY + heavy!

via GIPHY

It can be hard to find a place of calm, stillness, peace, and sometimes plain ol’ fun. 

But in this unprecedented “pandemic” life, it’s necessary to find something you can do that will break the cycle of your day-to-day life. 

Something to give you peace, regardless of how little time it is. Every little moment counts. 

The other obvious thing about life in 2022, is that it’s expensive as hell 🤣

Gas, food, clothing, airfare, hotels – you name it – it’s probably way more than you’re used to paying. 

However, I have a few suggestions for you that may help ease the pain on your wallet and give you peace of mind.

If you need a break from fighting with your husband, taking care of the kids, or the stress of your demanding career, check out these ideas and see if there’s something that can save you (at least for a few hours).

 

 

Get Deals on Concerts & Comedy Shows

 

Entertainers are back on stage. 

Large multi-city tours, regional tours, and some pop-up shows. 

For the first four months of 2022, I’ve seen 4 live music concerts and it was everything I needed it to be each time. 

For larger venue events, if you are unable to get a ticket before the bots or brokers buy them all and resell them for 2-3x the price, I have a solution for you. 

If a show appears to be sold out (tickets only available through the secondary market), check the ticketing site the day of the show. Miraculously the seats that were completely unavailable, or priced astronomically, may become available at a very reasonable price. 

This move can be a little risky depending on the act, venue, and location, but totally worth trying if you are “dying” to see the show (at a discount). 

This recently happened to me for two shows that I bought tickets for during presale or on the secondary market and I was shocked (and a bit peeved) to see the number of tickets available that day that were not available JUST the day before. 

For some resale tickets, people even drop the price 20-40% lower than what they paid for them, just to get rid of them and not take a total loss. 

This could totally be your gain!

 

 

Try AirBnB Experiences

 

Glassblowing for $50-60 per person (pp)

Sail on a private yacht – $100-150 pp

Architecture Walking tours – $30-40 pp

Underground Donut Tour – $40 pp (not even sure what that means but it sounds intriguing)

These are just some of the experiences available in Chicago on AirBnb Experiences. 

Be a tourist in your own city or a nearby city. 

Ask a friend to join you for something cool, new, and exciting without having to plan an entire trip. 

Most cities offer really cool AirBnb Experiences for you to try. 

Check out what’s offered in your area. You might be pleasantly surprised. 

 

 

Be a Tourist Using CityPass or BigBusTour

 

When I travel to other cities with plenty of attractions I have signed up for CityPass or BigBus tours because it often seems like the most efficient & affordable way to see the city. 

You get to choose what attractions you spend more time with and which ones you skip. Citypass and BigBus tickets typically cost between $50-$100 per person.

 

 

When MeetUp.com Comes in Handy

 

Most of us forget about the vast offerings of meetup.com to attend events and meet other people in your local area with similar interests. Meetups include sporting events, mental health activities, book clubs, technology, lifestyle groups, and more. If you can think of it, whatever “it” might be, there is likely a meetup for it. 

Some meetups are free and others have a cost. 

Joining Meetup.com is free and it just might be the thing you need to find some “new” people & start over.  

 

 

Hideaway in a Local Hotel

 

Sometimes we need a mental health day and we stay home. What about taking your mental health day in a local hotel?

The change of scenery, without the laundry or dishes staring at you, can provide more peace of mind than you think you need. 

If you haven’t used your Marriott, IHG, Hilton, or other hotel points recently, this might be a good enough reason. 

If you have credit card points that can be used toward a hotel, this can greatly reduce or eliminate the cost of this hide-a-way mental health day. 

Companies like Betterbidding.com can guide you through the steps to get the best deal possible on hotels, especially during off-peak times. 

Now if it were me, I would pick the fanciest hotel I could find at the best price, because I love luxury hotel experiences.

Regardless of what you do, just make sure you feel right & light about the decision. 

Relieve your stress, it shouldn’t be stressful. Don’t overthink it. 

I hope you can find something that gives you the moments of peace & joy you need. 

 

 
Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

Let’s Talk About Your Bank Accounts

Let’s Talk About Your Bank Accounts

Apr 30, 2022

Easy Ways to Cut Expenses Going Into the New Year

Let’s Talk About Your Bank Accounts

Let’s Talk About Your Bank Accounts

 

 

 

You Might Need a Better Strategy 

 

It’s still April, which means it’s still financial literacy month, and even though we’re coming to the end of that, it’s not too late to talk about bank accounts!

 

 

Traditional Guidance on Bank Accounts vs My Perspective

 

So, let’s get into it. There’s very traditional guidance for bank accounts and from a fundamental perspective, it’s that everyone should have one checking and one saving.

I call BS.

Here’s why I call BS:

1 Checking Account and 1 Savings Account is not enough to strategically manage your money.

My preference, at a minimum, is to have two checking and two savings accounts.

I strongly believe in giving your accounts, credit cards, or bank accounts a purpose.

How can they have a specific purpose if they are essentially “all purpose” accounts?

 

 

What Your Primary Checking Account Is For

 

I definitely think you need a checking account dedicated to your bills. This account is for paying your rent, your mortgage, your utility bills, your insurance, and credit card bills… I think you get the point.

Nothing else is happening in this account – unless you’re a cash spender and you’re taking your cash allowance out of this account.

That’s it, that’s all that’s happening with your primary checking account.

Here’s the main reason why this makes sense.

Scammers & Fraud!

They must be offering free classes on scamming people because the scammers are BUSY!

Let me be very clear – anyone can have their accounts compromised at no real fault of their own.

I’m looking to help you minimize the chance.

If you don’t believe me – listen to an actual former con artist & fraudster from a CNBC article, by Frank Abagnale, who says this about debit cards.

“Every time you use one, you put your money and your bank account at risk.”

I, of course, agree with him 😊

The more activity on your bank account & particularly your debit card, the more susceptible you are to fraud, okay?

I want to reduce the likelihood of my accounts being compromised if everything that supports my livelihood is happening in the account (paychecks, mortgage, utilities, etc.)

The companies & financial institutions that hold your mortgage and other debts, facilitate you receiving your income, and keep your lights on often have higher security & encryption levels than the retailer you found on Instagram last week.

 

 

What Your Secondary Checking Account Is For

 

Quick access to cash and random purchases. While I’m not a proponent of using debit cards online hardly ever, if you must, then it should be a card tied to a non-primary account.

If you are a high debit card user, then this is the account where you want to swipe at the grocery store, the car wash, at the coffee shop, or whatever it is.

If you are making online payments or online purchases, then this is what that account is for.

The added benefit is that it allows you to easily track your fixed expenses versus your flexible expenses.

If you are looking for more clarity and control over your finances, this structure will give you that, without feeling inconvenienced or restricted.

 

 

What’s the Purpose of Your Savings Account

 

To save of course – well sometimes… lol.

Emergency Fund is the fun sexy word of the decade – it’s essentially just a savings account.

I want you to think about the idea of an emergency fund being something for short term needs and things that are unexpected. If you need quick access to cash this is what your long term savings account was intended for.

Short term needs can be 1, 3, 6 months – less than 12 months.

When you are saving for longer-term needs (excluding retirement) then it’s my strong opinion that you should have a SEPARATE account for that.  

It should be harder to get to these funds because your intention is to SAVE, not spend the money, right?

So, you are creating accountability with yourself by making the funds harder to access.

Personally, I have no desire to link my long-term savings to my primary or secondary checking debit card – but that’s your call. I think it’s a little counterintuitive and risky. (I go into more detail about my perspective on this in my FIIRM Hero Newsletter).

 

 

Fraud

 

Earlier, I mentioned a little bit about bank accounts being compromised. I think most of you know that the scammers are busy.

They are busy trying to come up with new ways every day to trick you and get access to your information. I don’t want that to happen to you.

I want to remind you to be EXTRA diligent when it comes to the security of your accounts – bank accounts and credit card accounts.

Resist the urge to click links in text messages especially those that take you to a screen where you must input personal information.

Resist the urge to provide your name, your social security number, your pin number, your address – all the data points that someone needs to take over your account – if your “bank” calls you.

Even if the number on your phone screen matches the number on the bank of your ATM – tell the caller you will call them back. These fake calls/spoof calls are easy ways to trick people and steal their information.

Generally speaking, your bank is not going to call you AND ask you for a bunch of information they already have.

I’m sure you do this already (wink, wink), but today might be a good day to change your banking password (if you haven’t done it recently), set-up 2 step authentication (I know is a pain, but so is your identity being stolen), update your alerts on your account for email AND text and, if nothing else, open a new account with a new purpose.

If you are considering or preparing for divorce, I shared tips to be mindful of when divorcing related to bank accounts, marital property, and moving money in the last FIIRM Hero Newsletter. Join the FIIRM Hero community for exclusive & helpful content! 

 

 
Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

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