The Top 10 Things Women Feel More Empowered About After 40

The Top 10 Things Women Feel More Empowered About After 40

The Top 10 Things Women Feel More Empowered About After 40

 

If You’re Younger Than 40, This is Still for You

I surveyed 100 women… nah, I’m kidding (I just like Family Feud). 😊

I only talked to a few women.

Either way, age ain’t nothing but a number, according to the beautiful late Aaliyah.

There’s something about 40 that feels like a magic number.

The women I spoke to agreed. They said that there was something that started happening right around the time they turned 40.

It was kind of like a fire reignited inside of them. 

A shift in attitude. A shift in perspective.

So many women I know have had multiple revelations when they turned 40 and even more when they turned 50!

The revelations below may have you laughing out loud 😂 or merely walking away saying, “I really need to get my ish together so I can be like these other chicks.”

If you’re younger than 40 and already checking things off this list, allow me to brush your shoulders off (Yep, I’m a Jay-Z fan)!

Feel free to let us know if we missed anything though!

  1. Passing gas – They said it, I didn’t… lol. Unfortunately, bodily functions have a mind of their own as you age. (Insert shoulder shrug & deep apologies when unintended victims are screaming WTF is that smell!) 😊
  2. Saying nothing – In some cases, silence really is the best answer. Some things just don’t deserve a response. Bless their ministry & just walk away. Plus, everyone doesn’t need to know your business. It’s super sexy & powerful to make moves in silence. 🤐
  3. Walking Away – People are in your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. You embrace that now more than ever. You know it’s ok to walk when he/she/it is no longer a good fit. Saying goodbye to the toxic job, relationship, and friendship gets easier. 🚶‍♀️
  4. Being alone – Being in a relationship is great, but it’s not mandatory anymore. You’d like to build a great life with the right partner, but you can do bad all by your damn self. Plus, the divine downloads you get when you have time to yourself are invaluable. Moments of solitude or happy & single… you can have whatever you like. 🧘
  5. Not loaning money to friends or family – How many times did you have to NOT be repaid for this to happen? This is your time to get your finances together. Feel free to use our  Ultimate Financial Resource Guide to help you on your journey. 💰
  6. Not compromising on comfort or quality – Sometimes cheap things are just disrespectful to the experience. Yes, the latte is necessary. Yes, thread count matters to you. Black car over Uber X is just your preference. You appreciate the gift of a quiet dishwasher.  🍾
  7. Sharing your unsolicited honest opinion – Maybe they didn’t ask, but somebody needs to hear it. #IsaidwhatIsaid exists for a reason. 📣
  8. Making health and self-care a priority – YOLO may have been a catchy phrase, but it’s also the truth. Choosing YOU means taking care of your temple – not being perfect but not neglecting yourself either. Need to outsource more things to make more time for this? Check out our Ultimate Financial Resource Guide. 💪
  9. Not caring what people think – You’ve finally realized what “Do You, Boo” really means. This covers changing jobs, starting your own business, getting a divorce (ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE GETTING A DIVORCE), or getting remarried. It can be as simple as wearing fuzzy house slippers at a photo shoot just because you want to (see cover photo above). IJS 😛
  10. Saying NO – It IS a complete sentence after all. Do it more, unapologetically, sis. ⛔

Did we miss anything? How many of your answers match?

I welcome you to stay tuned into the FIIRM Hero Library (where you are now) and learn about your options as you consider a separation or divorce and you’re ready to feel more empowered. Hope to see you soon.

 

 

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

Love: Reason, Season or Lifetime

Love: Reason, Season or Lifetime

Love: Reason, Season or Lifetime

AReal Life Divorce Story w/ Kemberli Stephenson

Introduction: Have you ever heard the phrase some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? While I didn’t create the phrase, it makes perfect sense to me. A divorce doesn’t make you a failure or a quitter. It’s quite the opposite, in most cases. These “love” stories will focus on the courage, lessons, & perspectives of everyday women (and some celebrities), to help you on your journey. Join me while we get in their business a bit.

Guest: Kemberli Stephenson is a proud Gen X’er, residing in North Carolina and focused on Freedom & Fun. She prides herself on her natural integration skills and can be found hanging out on Facebook & IG @SparkHustleFlow. You can also learn more by visiting her website @ www.SparkHustleFlow.com.

Referenced in the interview: Silent Preparation Series

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

Silent Preparation Series – Part 1

Silent Preparation Series – Part 1

Silent Preparation Series – Part 1

Prepare Your Finances for Divorce By Earning Money on the Side

 

I took a trip in 2019 to New Mexico with my business besties, Latasha Booth & Kemberli Stephenson. We had a great time in a rented VRBO with an amazing view, eating amazing meals and engaging in great girl talk while watching Brene Brown. The picture at the top of this post was taken on the balcony of our vacation property!

It was a fun but relaxing trip that I used my Freedom Funds to pay for. We planned the trip months prior so when it was time to go, I was more than ready, mentally & financially! 

What are Freedom Funds you ask?

Our money serves various functions in our life but it all can fall into 3 categories. Fixed Expenses, Flexible Expenses, and Freedom Funds. Freedom Funds are the dollars set aside to live life as you see fit. This may mean traveling, fine dining, indulgent self-care, or other fun ways to do WHATEVER you want. 

As you prepare for divorce, the freedom funds account becomes partially repurposed. It doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun, but it does mean that you may need these funds for “not-so-fun” things as a result of your pending divorce. 

In order to build your freedom funds quickly, it might be a good idea to earn some side/pocket money. 

In our Ultimate Financial Resource Guide, we’ve included income-earning opportunities for you to choose from depending on your situation. Most of the options are non-committal. We’re not suggesting you pick up a formal part-time gig (unless that’s what you need) just opening your eyes to simple ways to earn money to gain your “freedom” quicker!

 

Earn Side Money With Market Research Surveys

I used to participate in market research studies in person, but ever since COVID-19 hit all the invitations have been for online surveys. 

I get market research survey invitations multiple times a week that pay anywhere from $50 to $250 depending on the length of time needed and the subject matter. In July 2020 my son and I participated in a market research study that paid $250 for sharing our opinion. It took about an hour a day over 3 days to answer all the questions. 

While you won’t qualify for every survey and it’s purely optional which ones you decide to apply for it can be a simple way to increase your pocket change and build your freedom funds as you plan for your exit. In the same way that people fight over money while they’re married, I often hear people saying they can’t afford to leave.

Within the Ultimate Financial Resource Guide, I only recommend companies that I am personally signed up for or I know to be reputable. No one wants to participate in a study that they never actually get paid for.

Signing up with multiple research companies increases your chances of being invited and qualifying. If you decide to pause participating in studies (which I’ve totally done), it’s as simple as not responding to the survey invitation. 

Most pay in hard dollars, but some offer a points program or gift cards. I’ve never had to provide any bank account information for direct deposits – they just mail me a good old fashioned check. 

Popular market research companies include Precision Research, Schlesinger Associates, and Focuscope. 

Happy opinion giving!

 

Earn Side Money By Selling Your Stuff

One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure. Not only do I have clothes in my closet with the tags still on them but I also have shoes that I never wear and purses that I rarely carry. As you prepare your life for your new future, purging items that you no longer need or want can be a win-win situation.

First, it gives you the opportunity to declutter, and 2nd you may be able to earn cold hard cash from the items that you get rid of.

You can earn side money by selling your stuff on websites such as Threadup, Poshmark, and Letgo just to name a few.  Here’s an important note in that statement – I said your stuff.

Selling your own personal items or what may be deemed in the divorce world as separate property is typically fine. Selling items that may be classified as “marital property” makes things a bit messier.

Before you decide to sell anything, I invite you to browse the sites listed within the Ultimate Financial Resource Guide. It may trigger ideas about all the good stuff in your home just waiting to help you earn more money.

Happy selling!

 

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

When the Next Step Is Scary

When the Next Step Is Scary

When the Next Step Is Scary

What if Your World Is getting Ready to Be Turned Upside Down

 

Ohhhh sexy girlfriend!!!!

Please tell me you’ve seen Sixteen Candles (if not see below)

If you haven’t seen this movie, I kindly request that you see it ASAP. You should stop whatever you’re doing right now… wait… nevermind.

*Watch it after you finish reading this post*

Is this blog post about Sixteen Candles… no, not really — allow me to connect some dots though.

You know Jake, right?

(From the movie, not State Farm.)

I was about 5 years old when Sixteen Candles came out and I saw it for the first time when I was about 12.

I’ve seen it at least 20 times since…

Half the time, after I watch Sixteen Candles, I Google Jake.

Why?

Because Jake was H-O-T (he was the guy in the red shirt btw) !!!

His real name is Michael Earl Schoeffling (in case you were wondering).

I know that Jake retired shortly after filming Sixteen Candles. He preferred carpentry, stability, and life outside of the spotlight. And, it appears, at least according to Wikipedia, he still prefers it that way.

So what’s my point?

Jake had a ton of potential to make it in Hollywood. In my opinion, he could have just stopped acting to be a Calvin Klein model – at least to allow me to continue to admire his beautifulness. (I know… selfish!)

However, he decided to go against the grain, follow his heart, and live life the way he wanted.

My lusting desires be damned!

Mic drop. Exit stage “left”. (see what I did there?)

So my point is this: 

It’s OK for you to CHOOSE to exit stage left of your unhappy marriage, despite the opinion of others.

It’s Ok to Prepare for Divorce Even If You’re Undecided

 

Many people decide to follow their passion, but they usually wait until they’re halfway through life – assuming they live to 100. 😉

Jake… lol… where are my manners — Michael, did it at the age of 29.

29!!

It didn’t matter that he “put in years” studying his craft.

It didn’t matter that he was a heartthrob and “people expected him to stay” in Hollywood.

It also didn’t matter that he could have potentially been more “financially sound” with an acting career versus being an owner of a woodworking store.

So if you’ve been WAITING to start living your life to the fullest, it’s ok to change the course now.

I recognize that this sounds a bit oversimplified but stay with me, please.

It’s possible that you’re unsure.

You’re worried about paying all the bills on your own.

You don’t want to feel guilty and explain things to your friends and family.

You’re concerned about how this will affect your kids.

All perfectly normal.

It’s not that I want your marriage to end – it’s just that I want you to be happier – like Jake. 😊

I want you to know that it’s ok to prepare for divorce even if you’re undecided.

Plus, guess what!

Preparing for it doesn’t mean you’re going to MAKE it happen. 

It simply means you’ll be ready IF it does. 

To give you a little needed nudge, I decided to prepare a digital resource called the Silent Preparation Series.

(Seriously, just now as I was writing this, I decided).

Drastic changes may or may not be necessary for your life.

However, I know that some of you have had it with the B.S.

Some of you are at the tipping point of the life you really want.

Listen to podcasts, listen to self-help books, hire a therapist, or a life coach. Do whatever you need to do to follow your heart.

Just DO. It may feel like you are turning your world upside down when in fact you are turning it right-side up.

I welcome you to stay tuned into the FIIRM Hero Library (where you are now) and learn about your options as you consider a separation or divorce. Hope to see you soon.

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

How to Get the Support You Need During a Divorce

How to Get the Support You Need During a Divorce

How to Get the Support You Need During a Divorce

Rachel Hollis and her husband are divorcing.

 

I’m not a huge fan or foe… don’t worry.

If you’re wondering who the heck she is… don’t worry about that either 😉

She’s a big enough celebrity that there are thousands of responses to this news on social media. 

She recently announced on social media that she and her husband were splitting.

Harmless, right?

Here were some of the responses or typical responses when such an announcement is made:

“I really thought you two had it all together”😩

“You were my favorite couple”😶

“If you all can’t make it, there’s no hope for me” 😳

“Are you sure you can’t work it out” 🤬

“You seemed like you really loved each other” 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

You’re probably reading this thinking: OMG! This 👏 is 👏 not 👏 helpful‼ 

My thoughts exactly!

When someone announces their divorce, generally speaking, they are looking for support… again, that’s generally speaking…

This is probably not the kind of “support” Rachel Hollis was looking for!

Likely not what you’re looking for either‼‼

Unfortunately, a couple’s divorce often prompts us to respond with our hopes & aspirations for THEIR relationship.

We feel compelled to tell them how we feel, too!

Rachel didn’t do anything wrong, per se,  (it’s her business and her prerogative to post about), but let’s discuss how to prevent non-supportive responses as much as possible. 

 

How to get the right support during your divorce

The simplest way to get the support you need from your family and friends is to tell them how to support you AND how not to.

It sounds overly simplified but it’s an underutilized tool.

On the surface here’s what support sounds like:

“I wish you the best”

“Let me know if you need anything”

“I love you no matter what”

Because those responses don’t feel natural or normal to most of us, you may have to guide your inner circle in this direction. 

Here’s a script you can use:

“Hey(friend/family member name). I wanted to let you know that (Spouse Name) and I have decided to end our marriage. This is a very difficult decision and we still have a deep amount of (love, respect, concern, etc) for each other. 

I need your support in a major way right now and here’s what it looks like. I really need to know that you will be just as kind to him as you have always been. The best way you can help me and be there for me right now is by not asking questions about our process or questioning our decisions. I will share details as soon as I feel mentally ready, but right now I don’t have it in me. We both are doing the best we can for each other and the kids. 

If you’re unable to support me in that way, I completely understand, but just know that I will likely need to take some space away from anyone that can’t give me that right now. My final request is that you don’t say “you’re sorry”, bash (spouse name) in front of me or the kids, or tell me that you’re disappointed because I just can’t handle hearing that right now.”

I’m aware that this script assumes that your decision to end your marriage is mutual (eventually it will be) and also that your relationship is not overly hostile. 

This doesn’t have to be the EXACT script you use, but I promise something similar can work with people that truly care about you. 

This is what a modern mature divorce experience can look like.

You’re being specific and kind in your request while disarming some of their gut reactions. You’re also setting expectations and boundaries.  

Your family may still talk crap about you when you end the phone call but you can’t control that anyway, so who cares! 😂

If the person responds in a way that dishonors your request, then they may have to be cut out of your communication circle, at least for a little while. 

As the saying goes, when people show you who they are, believe them. 

 

Protect yourself during a divorce

While sharing your love during the good times is normal and feels amazing, be cautious about sharing your pain, anger, and disappointment as openly.

Here’s why…

As mentioned above, people feel inclined to tell you how they REALLY feel about your relationship & your soon-to-be-ex once you give them the space to do so.

The fastest way to open that door is by telling THEM (verbally or on social media) all the things you dislike about HIM.

While sharing your process and heartbreak on social media can be extremely cathartic, it can also be equally damaging. (For a safe way to share and receive support, see my “3’s company” comment below — keep reading!)

Not only does it invite a larger audience to give their perspective on YOUR divorce, but it can also be used against you in court. 

Trust! 

Any decent divorce attorney will tell you that’s in your best interest NOT to share intimate details about your divorce on social media or extended family/friends until it’s over. 

It doesn’t matter if it’s a DM, private message, text, or a closed private Facebook group — a simple screen capture can cause your case a lot of harm. 

We all need someone we can trust and confide in during such a difficult process.

Here’s a tip:

3 is more than enough company when you’re going through a divorce. 

Find 2 true friends and 1 therapist. 

Divorce can be hard enough without worrying about judgment, disappointing others, and betrayal — keep that circle as tight as possible to protect your heart (and your case!). 🧡🧡

Rachel Hollis’s divorce announcement was open, encouraging, and balanced however unless you feel compelled, you may never need to make a similar PSA.

If you do feel the need to do so, make sure you’re ready for a couple of chinks in your armor. 

If you choose to share details about your divorce process along the way on social medial, just be very very careful.

Now you can share THIS post with someone that may need it whenever you want 😉😉!

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

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