Love: Reason, Season or Lifetime V1.3

Love: Reason, Season or Lifetime V1.3

Love: Reason, Season or Lifetime V1.3

ARSL Story w/Candice Escobar

 

 

Introduction: Have you ever heard the phrase, some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? While I didn’t create the phrase, it makes perfect sense to me. A divorce doesn’t make you a failure or a quitter. It’s quite the opposite, in most cases. These “love” stories will focus on the courage, lessons, & perspectives of everyday women (and some celebrities), to help you on your journey. Join me while we get in their business a bit.

Guest: Candice Escobar is a proud Millennial, residing in Texas and focused on homeschooling her kids while working from home. She prides herself on her vulnerability and radical honesty, and can be found hanging out on Instagram @_candice.escobar_

Listen to her divorce journey.

Share your real divorce story.

 

 
Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

Our Favorite Financial Literacy Posts

Our Favorite Financial Literacy Posts

 

April is Financial Literacy Month

I believe you already know what to do, but sometimes you need a little guidance, reminding, and reframining.

April is a good time to reset things with your money.

Your business with Uncle Sam is likely finished, you’re done with holiday spending and schmoozing, and you’ve fallen out of step with your New Year commitments or “word” and you’re ready to get back on track.

In honor of Financial Literacy month, we want you to know that you have a lot of time left to make progress with your money in 2021.

 

Here are 5 of our fav money blog posts… 

 

Plan Your Finances Like a Wedding in 3 Steps

Weddings can be fun and romantic. Planning your personal finances? Not so much. We put a lot of effort into planning our wedding. Our finances deserve the same love and attention. Read it here.

Credit is not the devil, neither is ice cream

I appreciate ice cream. I also appreciate debt. There’s a place in the world for both. Learn how I used credit cards to get out of debt. Read it here.

12 Modern Rules to Reach Your Financial Goals

This our most comprehensive blog post about money rules and action steps. We call it our financial commandments. These rules are the guiding principles for modern women who are truly ready to regain control of their money and reach their financial goals by using these simple tactics! Read it here.

Signs You Might Be Living Outside your Means

Learn some of the key signs you might be outside of your means. This post is not intended to make you feel bad, just to provide clarity. Read it here.

Screw Love. Are you financially compatible?

Are you considering marriage? It doesn’t matter if it’s your first or second marriage, use this post to uncover the financial questions and conversations you want to have with your future partner ASAP.  Read it here.

 
 

Join our Hero Newsletter Community to get more tips, resources and help on your financial journey.

Every week, we provide our readers with information related to finances and divorce you want to know. We also have a robust reward program for being a part of the Hero Community. Get your first free gift by grabbing our comprehensive Ultimate Financial Resource Guide.

Do You Need a Financial BFF?

Do You Need a Financial BFF?

Do You Need a Financial BFF?

How do you even know if you need a Financial Bestie?

 

Let me tell you up front – action is required 😊

Grey’s Anatomy… do you know it?

Hope so.

I Hope Please GIF

 

Download our Ultimate financial resource guide to get started on finding the right resources to work on your financial game plan or share this with someone who may need it.

 

There were two main characters, Meredith and Christina, who were best friends. (Christina is no longer on the show, but I digress.)

I’m definitely a Grey’s Anatomy fan because of Meredith and Christina’s relationship.

Meredith called Christina her “person” (versus her BFF or bestie).

Most adults have a “person.”

There is someone out there…. He/She/They know your secrets, can finish your sentences, and will meet someone in a dark alley if they hurt you.

Now that you know who that person is, let’s get to the action.

 

 

Action Step (1) – Say or write this person’s name.

Question: Can you trust this person with your money?

Ohhhhhh…. did you pause for a sec?

If you didn’t, your “person” might make for a great financial BFF, or what we call at the FIIRM Approach – Financial Fill-in.

If you did pause, well, then maybe not.

What’s important to note is that you are now aware if your “person” can also be your Financial Fill-in.

How do you know if you actually need one anyway? Here’s a quick hit list.

 

Here are the Top 5 People Who Need a Financial BFF:

  1.     You have minor children.
  2.     You are single.
  3.     You are primarily responsible for managing the household finances.
  4.     You own assets or owe debt.
  5.     You don’t have life insurance.

It doesn’t matter if you fall into 1 category or all 5.

Preparation is the key when it comes to finances, and this is one of the moments where you get to show up in a big way for your family.

Plus, whether you realize it or not, you’ve begun the preparation just by doing Action Step 1.

I want you to find your Financial Fill-In (Financial BFF) ASAP.

 

Action Step (2): Determine if “your person” can actually be your financial fill-in.

WHY: You’ve always wanted to duplicate yourself. Here’s your chance. 😊

A few qualifiers to help:

  •   You can depend on them.
  •   You can trust them with your sensitive information.
  •   They trust you.

IF there is ever a situation where you are temporarily unable to handle your normal family CFO duties, you need someone else to step-in — however, they have to be willing AND able.

While you have to be able to trust them, they also need to trust that you are not putting them in some precarious situation.

 

Action Step (3) Get your free printable worksheet!

Click HERE and get the details you need to select your financial fill-in ASAP.

 

Action Step (4) – Empower Your Financial Fill-In. 

At the very least, you have to tell them that they’re YOUR PERSON! You don’t have to have the conversation today. I’ll give you until Friday. 😊

Want more goodies like this? Then join the FIIRM Hero Newsletter Community. Only FIIRM Heroes get more help selecting their Financial Fill-In… (I’m just saying.)

 

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

What We Can Learn From Meghan Markle

What We Can Learn From Meghan Markle

What We Can Learn From Meghan Markle

 

Quotes & Lessons from the CBS Interview

 

It’s somewhat ironic that the 2021 theme for International Women’s Day is “Choose to Challenge.”

Watching the recent CBS interview with Meghan Markle & Prince Harry confirmed what you may already know – We are more alike than we are different.

The idea of Choose to Challenge is about making a conscious decision to challenge traditional stereotypes, biases, and inequalities, as well as gendered norms, assumptions, and standards.

Their interview was an example of challenging the longstanding tradition of not going against “The Palace”, “The Firm”, “The Institution”…*insert proper name*.

 

Download our Ultimate financial resource guide to get started on finding the right resources to work on your financial game plan or share this with someone who may need it.

 

Look, I’m definitely not a citizen of the U.K. or The Commonwealth, but I love “The Crown”, Idris Elba, Fortnum and Mason, and Hazelnut Shortbread cookies (biscuits). And I’m definitely #TeamMeghan & #TeamHarry, sooo… here we are.

Watching the interview connected so deeply with me because I know so many women who are in Meghan’s shoes. Not Royal shoes, but HER shoes.

Have we come a long way?

Of course.

Women have the right to vote.

Women no longer need their father, husband, or son to sign their name on the dotted line just for them to get a bank loan.

But do women still end up on the crappy end of the stick when it comes to a lot of things (divorce, child rearing responsibilities, pay equity, etc)?

Absolutely!

Assuming a person of privilege can’t suffer racism or being accused of lying about suicidal thoughts is HARD enough stuff to deal with privately, but PUBLICLY… Jesus take the wheel!!

As we continue to seek ways to own our power and have our voices heard, I wanted to share some of my takeaways from the interview.

 

Quotes from the Meghan Markle & Prince Harry Oprah Interview

 

“Just being able to live authentically” (Meghan Markle)

Life is short. Is that too much to ask?

Sometimes.

Do what makes you happy anyway.

We hear this message from women of all ages, economic status, race, ethnicity, and various backgrounds too often for it not to have value.

You will be ridiculed, undermined, and underappreciated by some, but you will also be respected, loved, and admired by others.

Just do you.

 

“When the perception & the reality are two different things…”

It’s hard to get people to understand a truth that differs from their reality, from their perception.

We are often judged by the experiences and perceptions of others instead of the actual reality we live.

Think about it — there are still people that believe the earth is flat 🙂

One of the most important opportunities we have is that it’s ok to tell our truth and remove the burden of trying to convince people that it’s true.

It’s their choice to believe or support, just like it’s yours to live your truth.

 

“If you love me, you don’t need to hate her, and if you love her, you don’t need to hate me.”

Now let’s switch these pronouns a bit.

Change “her” to “him.”

Now stand on the mountaintop and scream this to your family and friends. The love they have for each of you is not mutually exclusive, and just because you are going through a divorce, doesn’t mean that your family and friends have to pick sides (even if they feel they need to do so).

While this often happens, sometimes just repeating Meghan’s quote to them may open their eyes that this doesn’t have to be the case.

 

5 Lessons/Reminders from the Meghan Markle & Prince Harry Oprah Interview

  1. Be prepared for truths to get twisted.
  2. Yes, it’s possible to feel lonely when you don’t feel free.
  3. You can share your truth without being disparaging to others.
  4. Admitting that you need help is a sign of courage, not weakness.
  5. You can have “space” in a relationship with a family member, but yet still have deep love and empathy for them. (Family may be everything but so is your peace of mind)
Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

Silent Preparation Series- Part II – Signs You Might Be Living Outside of Your Means

Silent Preparation Series- Part II – Signs You Might Be Living Outside of Your Means

Silent Preparation Series- Part II – Signs You Might Be Living Outside of Your Means

 

How do you even know if you’re living outside of your means?

 

If no one taught you how to manage money – just that you needed to make some – you’re reading the right post. It is my hope that you have useful information for yourself and can provide more tangible knowledge to the younger generation after reading this.

Here’s why…

As I was growing up, I often heard the message “don’t live outside your means.” I heard this phrase a few times a year until I was about 21-ish.

My default response was always “Hmmm, mmm OK”, when really I had no idea what the heck that even meant.

At the time, I didn’t even have any means to live outside of! 

I definitely didn’t know what to ask about this elusive piece of advice. “Hmmm, mmm OK”, felt like the appropriate response.

Download our Ultimate financial resource guide to get started on finding the right resources to work on your financial game plan or share this with someone who may need it.

After I turned 21, I started hearing the phrase financial freedom a lot. Yet another elusive phrase!

Meanwhile, guess what? I didn’t know what financial freedom meant either, but it sure did sound good.

After some hard life lessons, I at least learned what it meant to live outside of your means. I damn near became the poster child for it.

Before you start reading about those lessons, you have to agree to a couple of things. 😉

Seriously!

First, no pity parties.

Second, no self-deprecating thoughts about yourself. It’s safe to not be perfect.

Finally no judgment – of ME!

Wait, did you think I was talking about you this whole time?😁

Nope!  I’m getting ready to share some vulnerable stuff with you. 😊

Now back to the poster child thing: 

Too much credit card debt…✅

Couple hundred dollars in savings but more than a couple of hundred in expenses… ✅✅

Very little contributed towards retirement…✅✅

Dependent on every single paycheck – Jackpot baby! ✅✅❗❗✅✅❗❗

To top off all that financial unsexiness, I also learned that living outside of your means was the kryptonite for financial freedom. 

Who knew!?!

I couldn’t even reach financial security, so financial freedom was a mere pipe dream for me.

If you can relate to some of this, you’re in the right place, because I learned how to fix all of these challenges.

Getting back on your feet and maintaining a reasonably normal financial life is possible after a divorce. 

You may be thinking, “Look Nikki, I just want to make sure that I can keep food on the table, a roof over my head, and enjoy THIS new sense of freedom that may be coming my way after my divorce.”

Oftentimes, we think about putting together a budget as the first step. While that step is critically important, I want to show you a deeper perspective.

By the way, if you’re one of those parents or family members bestowing the “don’t live outside of your means” advice to some unknowing young lad or lady, note that it’s the equivalent of giving a pacifier to a starving baby.

I beg of you on bended knee!

It’s time to fill in the young person with the real meaning behind this message.

Above all, if you don’t have the time to teach them, connect them to some resources.

Heck, you can just send them the link to this post so they can read it 😋

Furthermore, if you can relate to 2/3 (or 66.67%) of the items listed below, you might want to re-strategize your own financial game plan and take some action.

You can change how you manage your finances. It’s easier than you think.

If you’re thinking, I don’t really have a financial game plan – well just steal the items below.

I’ve shared some vulnerable moments about myself already. The moments when I messed up once, or even worse kept doing it over and over again.

I share these anecdotes in the hopes that it will help you see that I’m human, learn from my mistakes, and most importantly take impactful action.

Let me clarify something. I’m not perfect by any means. 😉

However, I practice self-compassion often to reduce my therapy bill, and to remind myself that we all can come back from missteps. 

Sooooooo, let’s start with uncovering the “living outside your means mystery” once and for all.

Of course, the list is not exhaustive but you’ll definitely get the gist.

Just because 1 or 2 items apply to you doesn’t mean there is a major issue in your life.

You could be going through a temporary hiccup or some other exception warranted transition. So please, no angry emails if this is the case! 

Also, please don’t take any of this too personally.

See my 2/3 comment above to know if you might want to worry a bit though.

10 Signs We Might Be Living Outside Your Means (“we” because we’re in this together)

  1. Our household can’t afford to miss one or two paychecks (I’ve definitely been here).
  2. Inability to save regularly. Saving 5% of our monthly income feels unattainable.
  3. The full mortgage loan (not payment) is more than 3-4x our annual household salary.
  4. Our car note is above 15-20% of our take-home pay.
  5. Revolving debt (credit cards or lines of credit) does not revolve (aka the limits are typically maxed).
  6. We consistently borrow money from family & friends, payday loan stores, or other high-interest options (and we might not pay them back).
  7. We run out of money at the end of EVERY month.
  8. Bills are paid late on a regular basis.
  9. Bank accounts are constantly overdrawn.
  10. Our monthly clothing & shoe expenses exceed 10% of our monthly net income.

 How do you feel after reading that? Did you start to feel overwhelmed as you read each line item?

Uncomfortable… at peace… angry… sad… any of those emotions would be appropriate and completely normal.

It’s super important to remind you that thinking “yep, that’s me” for a couple of lines is not a terrible thing. You may not be living outside of your means, you just might be struggling to manage your money in general (which is a different thing).

In many cases, it could purely be an income issue. There are plenty of situations where we just don’t make enough money to cover the basics, so a different approach is required.

However, if you read the list and thought holy crap… The FIIRM has been spying on me 😊 trust me, we haven’t but we understand you.

Either way… no worries, chica. No worries at all.

Before you get too deep on the other side of your divorce do some of the upfront homework to alleviate some of these stresses. 

Download our Ultimate financial resource guide today to get started on finding the right resources to work on your financial game plan or share this with someone who may need it.

We’re here for you if and when you need us.

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

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