The Hidden Truths About Divorce Nobody Tells You

Mar 23, 2025

The Hidden Truths About Divorce Nobody Tells You

Dou know somebody, who knows somebody, who knows somebody who’s gone through a nasty divorce?

What if there are other truths about divorce?

Those stories, along with TV, media, and our personal experiences, make us think that everything about divorce must be negative.

I say, double thumbs down to that belief. 👎 👎

Yes, divorce can be hard. This post is about helping you understand the hidden truth about divorce that we don’t hear about often enough.

Discover 10 realities that may change your perspective on divorce as you’re going through it.

What if you could put a glass on a therapist’s office door, read their session notes, or jump into their brains and discover what they want all their patients to know about divorce?

Here’s your chance🤫.

4 min read: Prefer the audio summary of this blog post – sign up for the FIIRM Hero Newsletter & Private Podcast to HEAR what this post is all about when you don’t have time to read it.

1. Truth About Divorce: Change Is the New Comfort Zone

Many view divorce as a massive failure or the end of happiness.

On the contrary, therapists often see it as a transition to something better. I remember a conversation with my therapist about divorce, and we talked about the idea of a marriage reaching its expiration.

I saw that perspective as a light bulb moment – it felt like a hidden truth about marriage and divorce.

Embracing change can lead you to live more authentically in your next chapter.

The change in seasons brings hope and joy for some and despair for others.

I think the orange, red & brown leaves on trees in the fall are gorgeous, but maybe you prefer full green trees.

Adjusting your perspective can transform fear into hope, showing you the way—not the obstacle.

Download our Divorce Support Pack to get started on finding the right resources to help you.

2. Healthy Communication Is Underrated

In my last two blog posts, I’ve talked about the importance of communication. Well here we go again.

Here’s another perspective, being ‘heard’ without truly ‘listening’ doesn’t solve problems.

According to therapists, the truth about divorce is that active listening is the real hero.

It involves empathy, open-ended questions, and patience.

Next time you feel like giving your partner an earful, pause, breathe, and actively listen instead—it could save more than just the day!

It could save you time and money as you move through the divorce process.

Woman Wearing Teal Dress Sitting on Chair Talking to Man

3. Not So Hidden Truth About Divorce: Your Children Are Watching EVERYTHING

When your kids are adults, you hear about all the things they noticed that you didn’t know about.

If you have kids, it’s crucial to stay mindful of their perspective. They’re the unsuspecting audience for your drama.

A real-life experience to learn from:

Criticisms of your partner – save it for your friends, not your kids.

I’m not suggesting you fake the funk – just think of your disputes like an X rated movie that you wouldn’t want them to see.

Model the behavior you want them to reenact in their future relationship. Even though my parents never married, my mom didn’t disparage my father in front of me as I was growing up.

I sincerely appreciate that!

4. Self-Care: Don’t Neglect It

Yup, it’s time to Fire up that bubble bath, grab your favorite book, and indulge in some you-time. Therapists recommend prioritizing self-care amid the chaos.

The truth about divorce that is not talked about enough is that your emotional tank needs to be refueled.

Hit the gym, have a spa day, or just binge-watch Netflix guilt-free!

Go to your sister’s house and sit in the spare room with the door locked. If your sister’s house is chaotic, find a reasonable hotel deal.

Treat yourself with kindness—your future self will thank you.

5. Divorce Truth: A Mediator Could Be Your Fairy Godparent 🧝

Mediators can seem like the magical heroes of the divorce realm. They swoop in with their neutral wand, resolving conflicts you thought were unsolvable.

Therapists suggest embracing mediation early to minimize drama and bolster fair resolutions.

Your mediator is not the judge or the jury, but they are a savvy neutral, ensuring a more harmonious outcome when emotions run high. Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo indeed!

Most divorces CAN be settled out of court. That’s a truth about divorce that doesn’t get talked about enough.

6. Closure is Found, Not Given

Seeking closure is like trying to grab a shadow. Therapists advocate creating your own closure instead of waiting for it.

Journaling, therapy sessions, and new experiences can help weave closure into your post-divorce tapestry.

Embrace the chance to move forward, not by waiting for something from the past, but by redefining your future path.

The hard truth is that you may never understand why your marriage didn’t work.

7. Unpopular Truth: Co-Parenting Does Not Equal Friendship

Not all exes can be friends. Not all exes need to be friends.

Confusing co-parenting with rekindling friendship often leads to murky waters. Therapists suggest drawing clear, healthy boundaries.

Focus on building a functional co-parenting relationship rather than striving for friendship.

Hard truth: Mind your business unless it impacts your kids. 😉😉

That’s not to say you can’t get along—just don’t force a relationship.

Partnership in parenting is powerful enough alone!

8. Your Single Identity is a Superpower🪄

Flying solo doesn’t mean losing your power! On the contrary, therapists encourage embracing your uniqueness during singlehood.

Uncover strengths, passions, and the self-love journey—your cape is already sewn!

Losing the title of wife does not negate the incredible woman you are.

If you’ve been dying to redecorate – now’s your chance.

Hated going to the local dive bar with your soon-to-be-ex – no need to go anymore.

This is an opportunity to know you better and embrace empowerment as your very own superhero in the making.

9. Give Grief The Space It Deserves

It’s okay to grieve; it’s part of healing.

It might hit you 2 hours after you sign the papers, 2 weeks later or both.

Just in case, it hits same day – you might want to take off of work. Trying to lead a meeting, present a new idea or provide constructive feedback to a team member the day your divorce is final could be a recipe for disaster.

Don’t suppress the feelings – give them the space they deserve.

The divorce truth that most don’t share with us is that doing so may allow you to heal faster.

Remember, you’re not alone, seriously!

Relying on friends and family provides emotional grounding.

Therapists often encourage building a supportive network that uplifts and guides during tough times.

A strong support system not only stabilizes but also accelerates the recovery process. Consider it your emotional shock absorber.

10. Hard Truth About Divorce: Forgiveness is for You, Not Them

The ultimate irony? Forgiveness liberates you, not your ex. It lightens your emotional load, according to therapists.

Instead of harboring resentment, think of forgiveness as a freeing gift to yourself, bringing peace amid the turmoil.

With forgiveness, you pave not just a smoother path for your future, but a more joyous one too.

11. Financial Engagement: Your New Best Friend

You’re the CFO now.

Bills, assets, and accountability—oh my! You need to know your assets and debts inside-out, pre & post divorce.

Getting financially savvy not only avoids future conflicts but also sets you free to confidently plan the next big chapter of your life.

You don’t have to manage your money the way you did as a married couple. Learn new ways!

12. Therapy Isn’t a Taboo, It’s a Tool

Shaking off the stigma around therapy is more crucial than ever.

Therapy provides essential tools for dealing with the seismic shifts divorce brings, like a personal life coach dedicated to helping you find balance.

It’s an investment in your future self—sometimes, the best lessons come with just a bit of vulnerability and openness.

Take FIIRM Action to Get Through Your Divorce

Divorce can be the ultimate catalyst for reinvention.

But first – reflection. Reflection allows you to learn from mistakes, forgive past madness, and pursue a brighter future.

Reflect on these insights, apply what resonates and chart your own path with courage and grace.

Don’t suppress anything. Be patient with yourself.

Think about the ocean. It’s vast and hard to really picture how big it is.

It’s also hard to imagine how you’re going to manage all the emotions you’re going to feel.

As the proverb goes, tears water the flowers of the future. Let yourself feel the feels.

Instead of suppressing pain or pushing it aside, giving it room helps to truly let go when the time comes.

Let the ocean fill up with your emotions. Just hold off on the pollutants though. 😉

Check out our Divorce Support Pack to support you on your path to surviving your divorce.

You May Also Be Interested In:

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

Nikki is an experienced financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security post-divorce. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit and be connected to the right resources for the next phase of life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your pre and post-divorce easier. Grab your FREE Divorce Support Pack.

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Prepare to Take Your First One-Day Travel Trip Alone

Dec 2, 2024

How to Travel Alone for the First Time

I’ve been traveling alone for a long time because I find it relaxing. I know that it’s not the norm for everyone but this blog post is intended to teach you how to travel alone for the first time, ever or in a loooonnnggg time.

Of course, I’m biased but as a semi-empty nester I happen to think that solo travel is underrated. It feels empowering, adventurous but sometimes a little overwhelming. Preparing to take your first one-day travel trip alone is a great way to build your confidence and get you out of your comfort zone in your post-divorce life. A one day trip may mean you return home same day or just that you’re only gone for 24 hours.

Honestly it really doesn’t matter what your relationship status is but I recognize that sometimes it’s hard to get at away. There are times when money is tight, vacation time is low and the kids schedule is chaotic but you still a change of scenario.

You just need to get away even if its only for a day. Let’s get into some simple but practical tips for the best places to hang in the United States for when you’re traveling alone for a quick trip.

6-8 min read: Looking for the audio summary of this blog post – sign up for the FIIRM Hero Newsletter Community to HEAR what this post is all about when you don’t have time to read it.

Why Taking a Trip to Do Nothing May Be Exactly What You Need

Southwest Airlines Rapid Reward Program requires a minimum of 20 flights annually to maintain A-List status for the following year. Usually, around October, I check my flight count to see how far away I am from keeping my A-list. 2024 was no different.

I go back and forth between, “Forget it, I’ll just let it go” and “I really want to keep my A-List status”. This year, I decided to keep it and booked a quick trick to St. Louis. I didn’t have any plans in particular, but it feels good to:

Not pack a bag/lug a suitcase around
Not worry about real plans
Get a away for a quick break without breaking the bank
Not have to worry about anyone else’s needs or plans
Still sleep in my own bed

We often think of a good vacation as having a full itinerary with tons of new experiences. But when you get back home, you need a vacation from the “vacation.”

So, while a trip intended for you to do nothing may sound weird and possibly like a waste of money, this is less about money and more about peace of mind, convenience, and opportunities for rediscovery.

You can reach many of the destinations discussed in this post by plane, train, or automobile, but when we think about the most efficient way, it’s likely by plane, so that is what the focus is for this post. However, feel free to choose any method of transportation that works best for you.

One-Day Travel Tips for Solo Travelers

When to take your solo trip?

If you’re a newly divorced mom with minor children then it goes without saying that you might need to book the trip based on the custody/visitation schedule.

In addition, these trips should feel light. This means that it shouldn’t be a logistical nightmare. Booking on a typical off day or a planned vacation day is a good idea.

The other cool thing about solo trips is that you can usually sneak away without most people even knowing that you’re gone. To offset safety concerns, it makes sense to tell a family member or best friend but these are trips I often keep to myself from most people.

Tip #1: Travel on the cheapest days of the week

Book the trip on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Saturday. Why? Because flights are typically cheaper on these days due to lower demand. Most people don’t want to fly in the middle of week, unless its business travel and chopping up a weekend is rarely the preference. So if you can book a flight on one of those days, it’s a simple way to save money regardless of the airline. The bonus is that the airport is also less busy, obviously, so security lines are generally shorter.

If you’re coming back the same day then it’s the best value for a roundtrip flight. Alternatively if you do book on a Tuesday and come back on a Wednesday, it’s still typically a great value even with the overnight stay.

I’m no travel expert, but I typically book my flights 21-45 days in advance, more if possible. I only book last-minute flights in emergencies because you are going to pay through the nose every time.

Tip #2: Research parking prices

For most airports, it’s more economical to park offsite because on-site parking, when available, is more expensive. However, for same-day or quick turnaround trips, on-site parking may not be more convenient but reasonably priced.

Here’s a quick example. Economy parking (offsite) for Midway Airport in Chicago is $15 a day, even if it’s not a full 24 hours. For a big city, this is not a bad price.

Onsite parking (no shuttle buses involved) at Midway Airport is $40 a day or $4 an hour. So, let’s assume I’m taking a single-day trip and want it to be as convenient as possible. So I calculate that I’ll need to park for about six to seven hours, which should cost about $28 if I choose hourly parking.

However, I learned (after I had already parked) that the Daily $40 lot only charges $20 to park for 4-8 hours.

Go figure!

Now, obviously, parking in Economy is still $5 cheaper ($15 versus $20) than parking onsite, but walking directly from the parking garage to the terminal, saving about 20-30 minutes, is absolutely worth $5.
Before you travel, check the website for information on parking at the airport where you will be flying in and out so that you can make a more informed/strategic decision.

Tip #3: Stick to travel hubs when possible

Living in the Chicago land area gives me a clear advantage when taking domestic or international flights. Chicago is a travel hub, and it makes it pretty easy to get to some of the best travel destinations in the world. However, I stick to the safest countries and cities for one-day or solo trips. Fortunately, this still leaves me with a lot of options.

In most cases, if you are traveling alone for the first time, the best places to go typically meet these three simple standards for me

Short flight/time in the air
Good culinary scene
Easy airport to navigate

The bonus is if they have a fascinating local culture.

The choice of destination airport is really important. When an airport is easy to navigate, it is less likely to be crowded, which means you can breeze through security lines. It also means that the overall trip feels more relaxing because the travel environment doesn’t feel chaotic. Small airports typically fit this bill; however, airports like Minneapolis and Phoenix aren’t terrible.

The other reason to stick to travel hubs is that you’re less likely to get stuck. Travel hubs offer many direct flight options and good alternative airline options should your flight be cancelled.

If you live far away from the travel hub, traveling to a hub city also offers convenience and security, especially if you need to return home by a certain day or time.

Lastly, travel hubs are often in major cities, which means you will likely have many great restaurants to choose from, an appealing cultural scene, and access to many modern amenities, like Uber and Lyft services.

The Best Places to Visit for Solo Travelers

If your previous travel was determined by your former partner’s preferences or your children’s sports travel schedule, then your first trip alone gets to be determined by you. You can book a group tour, meet new people, or create new experiences depending on what YOU like. From personal experience, sometimes it can feel so good waking up in a beautiful hotel room with no chores, laundry, or list of errands waiting on you the moment you get up.

Of course, staying overnight comes with an extra cost, but if you can curl up with a good book you can never seem to read at home, it might be the best thing for your sanity and overall wellness.

The cities I’m recommending below are places where I’ve had the best time, where I have genuinely good food recommendations, where the local people are kind, or where I just enjoy spending time.

Remember, be open to making new friends, pack light or not at all, and have fun! Preparing for your first trip alone can feel daunting, so give yourself some grace. If you decide that the best way to travel solo is an extended trip to Latin America, Western Europe, or South Asia, please go. The point of this post is not to restrict you. It’s to help you fulfill those “need to get away” moments, but here are just a few considerations.

Things to Do Alone in Chicago

It’s only fair that I start with my hometown and my favorite city in the US. I’m going to talk to you about it. Chicago has so much to choose from, and it’s one of the best places to visit in the summer. It has two major airports, and you can get to the heart of the city from either one pretty quickly using public transportation (the cheapest way to get around) or car services.

By the way, if you like hearing about food recommendations/ reviews, be sure to follow The FIIRM Approach on Instagram and Facebook to learn about my favorites as I travel to old and new destinations.

Why Chicago is Good for a Day Trip?

Hub city
Great place for foodies – deep dish pizza, hot dogs, steakhouses and so much more
Scenic – Lakefront, iconic architecture
Main Tourist attractions: Willis (I still call it Sears) Tower, Millennium Park, Museums, River Cruises
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – Park Hyatt, Westin, Langham

Things to Do Alone in Los Angeles

Los Angeles is more charming and exciting than most cities. If you pay attention to social media, you know it’s known for its Hollywood glam, scenic beaches, and beautiful homes. If you live on the East Coast, it’s a long way to travel for a day trip, but if it’s a short flight, then I recommend it as an option. Honestly, though, I don’t love downtown LA, but that’s a personal preference.

Why LA is Good for a Day Trip?

Hub city – LAX can be a beast though
Good place for foodies – Celebrity-owned restaurants and trendy cafes. My Personal Fav is Griddle Cafe on Sunset Blvd.
Scenic – Ocean, Beaches, Mountains (everything you need to see in one place!)
Main Tourist attractions: Arts District, Rodeo Drive, Santa Monica Pier; great museums and Hollywood studios
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – There are so many options: The Garland & Hollywood Roosevelt are a just a couple of options

Things to Do Alone in New York City

New York City is not everyone’s first idea for their first solo adventure. I get it. However, if you’re open to a new adventure, then you’ll appreciate that NYC is full of excellent options for solo travelers.

Why NYC is Good for a Day Trip?

Hub city- LaGuardia was recently renovated and it’s beautiful!
Good place for foodies – Celebrity-owned restaurants, NYC-style pizza, hot dogs, and culturally diverse food. My Personal Fav is Cuts & Slices in Brooklyn.
Cultural Scene is rich!!!
Main Tourist attractions: Manhattan, Times Square, Broadway, Central Park, The Metropolitan Museum of Art
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – This one is tricky. While there is no shortage of hotels in NYC, I’ve yet to stay at one that felt very relaxing however, Trip Advisor recommends – The Knickerbocker and The Dominick Hotel

Things to Do Alone in Atlanta

Atlanta has a little bit of everything—southern charm, big-city amenities, and a thriving sports/arts/culture scene. It is a slower city than New York and Chicago, but not slow enough to put you to sleep when you arrive. Navigating the city can be a challenge sometimes because of traffic, and even though there is a train station connected to the airport, it’s not the most public transportation “friendly” city.

Why Atlanta is Good for a Day Trip?

Hub city – while the airport is huge, there are many amenities within a short drive from the airport.
Decent place for foodies – Brunch & Soul food options. My Personal Fav is Poor Calvin’s in Atlanta.
Cultural Scene is rich!!!
Main Tourist attractions: Piedmont Park, Atlanta Botanical Garden, Coca-Cola Museum, The Battery Atlanta and National Center for Civil and Human Rights
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – The Whitley; Loews Atlanta Hotel

Things to Do Alone in Denver

Denver has an artsy, hip vibe. It’s a beautiful city with amazing views of the mountain and a thriving arts and music scene.

Why is Denver Good for a Day Trip?

Hub city
Decent place for foodies – No personal favorites but that just means I need to take another trip
Main Tourist attractions: Denver Botanic Gardens, hiking, Rocky Mountain tours, local breweries or world-famous Beer Trail
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – Great boutique hotels; The Oxford Hotel and The Catbird Hotel

Things to Do Alone in Dallas

Dallas is a big city! It’s loaded with history, culture, and, of course, old-fashioned Southern hospitality. If you can make it to Dallas on a short flight, then having a brief love affair with the city is easy.

Why Dallas is Good for a Day Trip?

Hub city
Good place for foodies – BBQ and Soul Food are a must. My Personal Fav for a sweet treat is Cookie Society. The brisket at Hurtado is AMAZING!
Main Tourist attractions: The Sixth Floor Museum; NorthPark Center; Dallas Museum of Art
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – The Joule; Fairmont Dallas; Thompson Dallas

Things to Do Alone in Phoenix

The weather alone is a reason to visit Phoenix in the spring and fall. Summers are pretty intense, and it’s quite chilly at night in the winter, but it’s still a great place to relax and enjoy beautiful scenery.

Why Phoenix is Good for a Day Trip?

Hub city
Decent place for foodies – Amazing Mexican and fine dining options. My Personal Fav is Steak 44
Main Tourist attractions: Desert Botanical Garden; Camelback Mountain; Wrigley Mansion
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – So many resorts and day spas to choose from!

Things to Do Alone in Seattle

Seattle is breathtakingly beautiful. It’s a cool city to visit for coffee, music, and rain lovers! Although it’s a big city, it doesn’t feel overwhelming, even though there are a lot of people who live there.

Why Seattle is Good for a Day Trip?

Hub city
Good place for foodies – Amazing Mexican and fine dining options. My Personal Fav is Pink Door
Main Tourist attractions: Pike Place Market; original Starbucks, Glass Museum, Space Needle, Bainbridge Island
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – Hotel Theodore, Edgewater Hotel

Things to Do Alone in Nashville

Why is Nashville Good for a Day Trip?

Not a hub, but the airport is easy to navigate
Good place for foodies – Southern Food, Hot Chicken and BBQ.
Main Tourist attractions: Grand Ole Opry; Broadway; National Museum of African American Music
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – Conrad Hotel, Noelle Hotel

Things to Do Alone in Minneapolis

Now, you may not want to venture to Minneapolis in the heart of the winter unless you really like cold weather, but it has other cool things going for it. The people and culture remind me of Denver in a lot of ways, and I think it’s ideal for a first solo travel adventure.

Why is Minneapolis Good for a Day Trip?

Hub airport
Decent place for foodies – No personal favs.
Main Tourist Attractions: Mall of America, Walker Art Center, lake views, Sculpture Garden
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – JW Marriott, Hewing Hotel

Things to Do Alone in Washington D.C.

I absolutely love D.C. It’s one of the most culturally rich cities because of its history, food, and social scenes. Now, the rodent situation I could do without, but nobody’s perfect!

Why Washington, D.C. is Good for a Day Trip?

Hub Airport – Reagan is very easy to navigate.
Great place for foodies – I have too many favorites to name, but The Hamilton, Residents, Kitchen and Kocktails are a few that come to mind
Main Tourist Attractions: There are way too many to name but here are few – National Mall, any Smithsonian museum, Rock Creek Park
Beautiful Hotels for a Relaxing Stay – JW Marriott, Hewing Hotel

Time for FIIRM Hero Action: Travel Alone for the First Time

This blog post was intended to provide the best tips for preparing for your day trip alone and to help you understand the little things you can do to have a good experience traveling alone for the first time.

Life will always get in the way of us doing all the things we want to do, but I encourage you to make time to sneak away so that you can increase your confidence and comfort with traveling alone. It doesn’t need to take a lot of time.

You can take a page from my book. My last solo trip to St. Louis, took about six hours. Every trip doesn’t need to be a long weekend or require travel specialists to coordinate. All I needed was me, myself and I.

If you’re not already following The FIIRM Approach on Instagram, let’s connect so that you can hear firsthand about restaurant recommendations in our Finicky Friday food features.

You might discover your favorite new place or find the next city to visit when you need to sneak away for a fantastic meal.

The kids will be fine. The laundry can wait. It’s time to create new memories in small towns or even foreign countries.

You can also check this FIIRM Hero blog post – New Experiences Don’t Have to Cost You a Lot of Money, or research Facebook groups that share ideas on solo travel.

Travel smart. Keep it light. As my friends and family always say to me – Safe travels.

How to Get the Support You Need During a Divorce

Jan 31, 2023

How to Get the Support You Need During a Divorce

Originally Published – June 12, 2020

When celebrities announce their divorce on social media, what do you think?

Thousands of responses to the news flood in.

Those announcements are harmless, right?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Here are some of the typical responses when such an announcement is made:

“I really thought you two had it all together”😩

“You were my favorite couple”😶

“If you all can’t make it, there’s no hope for me” 😳

“Are you sure you can’t work it out” 🤬

“You seemed like you really loved each other” 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

You’re probably reading this thinking: OMG! This 👏 is 👏 not 👏 helpful‼

My thoughts exactly!

When someone announces their divorce, generally speaking, they are looking for support…

Again, that’s generally speaking…there could be ulterior motives.

If you were to make a similar divorce announcement, this is likely not the kind of “support” you’re looking for‼‼

Feelings of others When a Couple Divorces

Unfortunately, a couple’s divorce often prompts us to respond with our hopes & aspirations for THEIR relationship.

We feel compelled to tell them how we feel!

Announcements aren’t wrong, per se, (it’s your business and prerogative to post what you want), but let’s discuss it.

We’re going to dive into how to prevent non-supportive responses as much as possible.

How to Get the Support You Need During Your Divorce

A divorce is an event that feels like your world is turning upside down. It infiltrates every aspect of your life. It can even shape your existence into something unrecognizable.

Going through a divorce truly takes a village. You need the support of your friends, family, and community now more than ever.

Most people in your life will not understand what you’re going through. When you announce your divorce, you aren’t looking for judgment or commentary on what they think your relationship was or could have been.

While they mean no harm, you want to be able to shape the responses and support you receive to help you get through the other side without losing the people closest to you.

Preventing non-supportive reactions is possible! Keep reading to learn how to do just that.

Peaceful Divorce Solutions | How to Get the Support You Need

The simplest (not to be confused with easy ☺) way to get the support you need from your family and friends is to tell them how to support you AND how not to.

It sounds overly simplified, but it’s an underutilized tool.

On the surface, encouragement from a loved one could sound like this:

“I wish you the best.”
“Let me know if you need anything.”
“I love you no matter what.”

Said with the best intentions, those responses don’t feel natural or normal to most of us, so they are coupled with 3- 5 other messages that you don’t feel are as helpful. You may have to guide your inner circle in the direction you want them to go.

Try out this script:

“Hey(friend/family member name). I wanted to let you know that (Spouse Name), and I have decided to end our marriage. This is a very difficult decision, and we still have a deep amount of (love, respect, concern, etc.) for each other.

I need your support in a significant way right now, and here’s what it looks like. I really need to know that you will be just as kind to him as you have always been. The best way you can help me and be there for me right now is by not asking questions about our process or questioning our decisions. I will share details as soon as I feel mentally ready, but I don’t have it in me right now. We both are doing the best we can for each other and the kids (if you have kids).

If you’re unable to support me in that way, I completely understand, but just know that I will likely need to take some space away from anyone that can’t give me that right now. My final request is that you don’t say “you’re sorry,” bash (spouse name) in front of the kids or me, or tell me that you’re disappointed because I just can’t handle hearing that right now.” (you get to pick what makes sense for your situation)

I’m aware that this script assumes that your decision to end your marriage is mutual (I know that may not be the case). However, if you feel like it could work, It may also indicate that your divorce is not overly hostile or high conflict.

Check out our Divorce Support Pack to grab that script and others to help you start & get through your divorce journey.

Peaceful Divorce Solutions | The Breakdown

While we always hope to have a peaceful divorce, it can be more complicated.

You might even be reading this thinking, “yeah, right, this will never work.

This doesn’t have to be the exact script you use, but I promise something similar can work with people that genuinely care about you and respect your wishes.

This is one example of what a modern mature divorce experience can look like.

You’re being specific and kind in your request while disarming someone of their gut reactions.

You’re also setting expectations and boundaries. Your family may still talk about you when you end the phone call, but you can’t control that anyway, so who cares!

If the person responds in a way that dishonors your request, then they may have to be cut out of your communication circle, at least for a little while. As the saying goes, when people show you who they are, believe them.

Protect Yourself During a Divorce

While sharing the details of your marriage during the good times is normal and feels amazing- It’s important to practice caution about sharing your pain, anger, and disappointment as openly.

In the FIIRM hero community, I shared guidance on revealing scabs versus wounds. (Shout out to Nikki Elledge Brown, btw)!

People will feel inclined to tell you how they feel about your relationships. They’ll also very quickly tell you how they feel about your soon-to-be ex as soon as you give them the space to do so.

The fastest way to open that door is by telling them everything you dislike about being married to your soon-to-be-ex.

Whether vocally or through social media, sharing your process and heartbreak, while cathartic, can be just as damaging. It invites the audience, some of who may be strangers and don’t really know you or your spouse, to give their perspective on your divorce.

Unfortunately, venting on social media brings a double whammy as it can also be used against you in court.

Any decent divorce attorney will tell you that it’s in your best interest not to share intimate details about your divorce on social media.

Along with that they may even suggest not sharing with your extended family/friends until it’s over.

It doesn’t matter if it’s:

👉A DM

👉 A private message

👉An individual or group text

👉 A closed private Facebook group

None of that matters. A simple screen shot can cause harm to your case.

Coping with divorce is complex, especially if we try to go through it alone. We all need someone we can trust and confide in.

Check out our Divorce Support Pack to help you start & get through the journey.

But we have to be careful who we invite to listen to our true feelings or strategies as the proceedings are ongoing.

Remember that your life is changing enough without adding to the harm and damage you can do by publicly announcing your anger and hurt.

If you do feel compelled to vent publicly, tread carefully and just be prepared for the possibility of a couple of chinks in your armor.

Below is a quick tip for getting support and protecting yourself during your divorce:

Three is usually more than enough company when you’re going through a divorce. Find two true friends and one therapist.
When you’re ready to scream:

“He makes sick. I can’t stand him”

“I don’t understand why he’s being so damn unreasonable”

“I wish I never had to talk to him again”

These are the only people that should get to hear it.

Divorce can be hard enough without worrying about judgment, disappointing others, and betrayal — keep that circle as tight as possible to protect your heart (and your case!).

We developed a tool to help you navigate your pre & post-divorce journey. Check out our Divorce Support Pack to give you the tools you need to come out on the other side okay.

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

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