What We Can Learn From Meghan Markle

What We Can Learn From Meghan Markle

What We Can Learn From Meghan Markle

 

Quotes & Lessons from the CBS Interview

 

It’s somewhat ironic that the 2021 theme for International Women’s Day is “Choose to Challenge.”

Watching the recent CBS interview with Meghan Markle & Prince Harry confirmed what you may already know – We are more alike than we are different.

The idea of Choose to Challenge is about making a conscious decision to challenge traditional stereotypes, biases, and inequalities, as well as gendered norms, assumptions, and standards.

Their interview was an example of challenging the longstanding tradition of not going against “The Palace”, “The Firm”, “The Institution”…*insert proper name*.

 

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Look, I’m definitely not a citizen of the U.K. or The Commonwealth, but I love “The Crown”, Idris Elba, Fortnum and Mason, and Hazelnut Shortbread cookies (biscuits). And I’m definitely #TeamMeghan & #TeamHarry, sooo… here we are.

Watching the interview connected so deeply with me because I know so many women who are in Meghan’s shoes. Not Royal shoes, but HER shoes.

Have we come a long way?

Of course.

Women have the right to vote.

Women no longer need their father, husband, or son to sign their name on the dotted line just for them to get a bank loan.

But do women still end up on the crappy end of the stick when it comes to a lot of things (divorce, child rearing responsibilities, pay equity, etc)?

Absolutely!

Assuming a person of privilege can’t suffer racism or being accused of lying about suicidal thoughts is HARD enough stuff to deal with privately, but PUBLICLY… Jesus take the wheel!!

As we continue to seek ways to own our power and have our voices heard, I wanted to share some of my takeaways from the interview.

 

Quotes from the Meghan Markle & Prince Harry Oprah Interview

 

“Just being able to live authentically” (Meghan Markle)

Life is short. Is that too much to ask?

Sometimes.

Do what makes you happy anyway.

We hear this message from women of all ages, economic status, race, ethnicity, and various backgrounds too often for it not to have value.

You will be ridiculed, undermined, and underappreciated by some, but you will also be respected, loved, and admired by others.

Just do you.

 

“When the perception & the reality are two different things…”

It’s hard to get people to understand a truth that differs from their reality, from their perception.

We are often judged by the experiences and perceptions of others instead of the actual reality we live.

Think about it — there are still people that believe the earth is flat 🙂

One of the most important opportunities we have is that it’s ok to tell our truth and remove the burden of trying to convince people that it’s true.

It’s their choice to believe or support, just like it’s yours to live your truth.

 

“If you love me, you don’t need to hate her, and if you love her, you don’t need to hate me.”

Now let’s switch these pronouns a bit.

Change “her” to “him.”

Now stand on the mountaintop and scream this to your family and friends. The love they have for each of you is not mutually exclusive, and just because you are going through a divorce, doesn’t mean that your family and friends have to pick sides (even if they feel they need to do so).

While this often happens, sometimes just repeating Meghan’s quote to them may open their eyes that this doesn’t have to be the case.

 

5 Lessons/Reminders from the Meghan Markle & Prince Harry Oprah Interview

  1. Be prepared for truths to get twisted.
  2. Yes, it’s possible to feel lonely when you don’t feel free.
  3. You can share your truth without being disparaging to others.
  4. Admitting that you need help is a sign of courage, not weakness.
  5. You can have “space” in a relationship with a family member, but yet still have deep love and empathy for them. (Family may be everything but so is your peace of mind)
Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

Do You Speak His Divorce Language

Do You Speak His Divorce Language

Do You Speak His Divorce Language

Read this post when you’re ready to be strategic about your conversations with your soon-to-be-ex a.k.a “his a$$.”  😉

Share this post with someone that you know should be ready 🙂

It’s unnerving and uncomfortable to talk about how you’re going to split assets, but it’s necessary when you’re preparing to divorce.

Having the right money conversations early can often save you headaches and money during a divorce. 

If you’re looking for tools to help you manage your finances grab our
2020 Ultimate Financial Resource Guide.

We also recognize that fighting about things like custody sucks – but it’s common, and you want be ready. 

While there’s no true winner in a divorce, it’s for damn sure you don’t want to lose. 

Ultimately, we just want to make sure you’re prepared as much as possible. 

Upping your communication game can be a valuable tool when you’re preparing for divorce. 

 

Make Your Divorce Settlement Conversation Better, Not Worse

The most successful conversations occur when you’re aware of the personality, concerns, and communication style of the participants.

Before you begin any discussion or negotiation with your partner, start by asking permission. This can help bring down defenses. For example, “Is it ok if we start with…” can be a powerful question. 

We are not naive enough to suggest that your pending divorce is going to be smooth sailing because of our pointers, but we know that there are some key things to remember to reduce conflict. 

Here are a few notes to help you:

  1. Be respectful. Don’t interrupt your partner when they are speaking. (We know it’s HARD.) If you are worried that you might forget what you were wanting to say, take notes so that you can come back to specific points. 
  2. Establish the goal of the conversation before the discussion. Self-awareness is vital to having a successful conversation. You have to be aware of your goals and your vision. What would you consider a successful conversation? 
  3. Be patient with yourself and others. Take slow, deep breaths when you feel anxious or upset. When others become noticeably uncomfortable or begin to shut down, don’t push too hard, especially if you know your spouse typically struggles with difficult conversations. It’s ok to discuss topics in bite size pieces.
  4. Be mindful of your facial expressions and body language. He can see you rolling your eyes. 😉
  5. Be positive/optimistic as much as you possibly can. 

Here’s a good bottom line, a.k.a. a FIIRM approach: Be mindful of the way you communicate differing opinions. Affirmative tones can help keep defenses down and encourage genuine listening.  

Take a look at the conversation “CheckPoints” below.

How to use his Style to Your Advantage in a Divorce

When deciding what option to pick to communicate effectively with your partner, note that people often have primary or dominant personality traits. 

If you feel as if they have a primary and a very close secondary style, you can intertwine the communication notes for the respective categories.

Here’s a fun way to think about it. 

  1. Consider their “marine animal” personality
  2. Use their marine animal personality to change the way you communicate with your spouse about your divorce. 
  3. Replace your wallet picture of him with a picture of his dominant personality 😉

Marine Animal Personality Types:

Dolphin – Dolphins are the life of the party. They love to talk and are typically very expressive.

Strengths: See the possibilities in solutions. Makes quick decisions. Thrives on being around people. Animated expressions and often speaks loudly. 

Weaknesses: Less time-oriented. Can be seen as a dreamer. Easily bored with routine or becomes less productive when energy diminishes.

Shark – A shark is ultra-competitive and often aggressive. They enjoy being in charge and driving the decision.

Strengths: Need to feel in control. Thrives on motivating others and making fast decisions. Money and power can be motivating factors.  

Weaknesses: Inpatient, bossy, has a difficult time apologizing, and is an impulsive decision maker. Strongly dislikes feeling powerless or controlled.

Urchin – Analytical, detailed-oriented individuals. Urchins are good at planning but may take longer to make decisions. Facts are important. 

Strengths: Disciplined and relies on logic. They prefer to have all the facts and information before making a decision. They thrive on respect. 

Weaknesses: They may be too introspective, critical of others, and unforgiving. Over-analyzes; May seem cold & distant.

Whale – A whale is a caretaker. They are amiable and dependable. They seek to please others. 

Strengths: They tend to be more easy going, sympathetic, and kind. They work well under pressure, and flourish in a supportive environment. 

Weaknesses: They may remain quieter during a conversation. Overly emotional. May take a pessimistic attitude; May lack motivation and discipline to stay on task.

Plan Your Divorce Using Unspoken Leverage

The divorce process can be emotionally overwhelming. 

Often things are said that one of you might regret later. 

Fighting is often based in fear. If you are able to take the time to remember some key things about your soon-to-be-ex, it could be helpful in getting your divorce strategically. You will likely have a deeper understanding of his fears.

This is not about playing games, just recognizing what game you are in. 

Utilize the tips above to plan your upcoming conversations. 

Until next time… Patience and progress!

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

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