Keys to Determine the Ideal Size of Your Emergency Fund

Apr 14, 2025

Keys to Determine the Ideal Size of Your Emergency Fund

A CNBC report states that households with an emergency savings fund are 29% more likely to cover unplanned

expenses without debt.

This blog post is intended to help you better understand emergency funds and provide direction on determining your emergency fund size.

First, let me acknowledge how hard it can be to build an emergency fund.

After paying rent and mortgages, we barely have money left for groceries, cell phones, and day-to-day expenses.

Nevertheless, emergency funds are necessary because sometimes life just won’t let us be great.

Imagine discovering that your emergency fund doesn’t need to be the conventional 3-6 months rule everyone talks about OR that it needs to be much more.

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What’s the purpose of building an Emergency Fund?

Emergency funds are intended to cover unexpected, major, and income loss expenses. As much as we’d like these things not to happen, they will inevitably occur.

They serve as a shield against the damage caused by unexpected expenses.

If you don’t have enough money to easily access when you need to pay for something urgent or unexpected, your options are limited.

How to Discuss Finances with your partner

Emergency Fund Examples

Investment Account – If you have an investment account, you can sell stocks but may incur taxes or lose out on future growth.

Friends and Family—You can borrow money from family or friends, but that well usually runs dry quickly.

Credit Cards – You can charge a credit card if you have available credit and hope to pay it off before it charges you 20%+ interest.

HSA — Ideally, an HSA should be used for large medical expenses. These could obviously be unexpected, but the real hero use of an HSA is during retirement years because this account can grow preretirement.

Sure, there is a list of alternatives (more than above) to a traditional emergency fund, but few make more sense and present the same type of liquidity and benefit.

Why Should You Build an Emergency Fund?

About 8 years ago, my family and I were at home watching TV in the middle of a Chicagoland winter. It started to feel colder and colder as the evening progressed. The heat was on, but we decided to turn it up because we were used to our home being really drafty.

It felt warmer, and when we checked it, we realized the furnace was broken. We knew we couldn’t make it through one night without heat, but definitely not multiple nights, so we called a company for emergency service repair.

The repair guy inspected the furnace and told us it was unrepairable and that a new one would cost about $3000.

Freezing temperatures, Chicago winner… no option but to replace the furnace.

Within the next 24 hours, we had a new furnace and a new credit card balance that was $3,000 higher.

Fortunately, we had the money easily accessible in a high-yield savings account. Still, if that had happened to us 10 years prior, we wouldn’t have had the liquid cash.

Even though we put the charge on a card, we didn’t want to have to pay off $3,000 at a 27% interest rate.

When the bill came due 30 days later, we transferred money from the savings account to our checking account to pay off the balance.

So, even though we used a credit card to make the purchase and accumulate some points, thankfully, we had enough money in the bank to cover the debt.

Emergency fund size

Who Should Have an Emergency Fund

Short answer – people with bills

Long answer –

Single people should have an emergency fund because they are typically the sole breadwinner.

Married people should have an emergency fund because you’re more likely to have unexpected crap when two people are involved versus one.

For individuals with children, see above about married people.

Suppose you have debt or regular recurring expenses and rely on recurring or nonrecurring income to cover those expenses. In that case, you’re likely a good fit for an emergency fund.

Like my “why” story above, if you charge the expense to a credit card and don’t have enough discretionary income, you will likely not be able to pay off that credit card.

Where to Park Emergency Fund Account?

Probably not a good idea to keep your emergency fund in your house.

It should be accessible but secure; most people’s mattresses and freezers are unsafe.

Keeping a little petty cash in the house may not be a terrible idea, but this is usually a couple of hundred dollars, IF that makes sense for you and your lifestyle.

As the chart below shows, high-yield savings and money markets are typically the best options for housing your emergency fund.

Emergency Fund Amount

What Emergency Fund size is right for you?

Establishing an emergency fund should not stress you out.

What’s the first step to figuring out how much you need?

Start where you are.

That may mean your $1,000 feels much more doable than 3 months of expenses.

You can build up gradually by transferring a piece of every paycheck into your paycheck.

Depending on your budget, a paycheck could be $5, $50, or $500.

Even better if you set it up to transfer automatically and build up to 10-15% of your income.

That said, it is rarely black and white.

So yes, three to six months could be a very reasonable and feasible number for you and your partner. But how do you know if it’s the right amount?

The size of your emergency fund will be determined by several things:

fixed expenses versus discretionary expenses,
level of discretionary income,
income sources
Income/Job security
Health Concerns
Household Size/Dependents

If your expenses are high because of your discretionary expenses versus your fixed expenses (rent, utilities, etc), then it gives you more wiggle room.

While you may not want to sacrifice all that brings you joy and peace, the size of your emergency fund should be based on your essential expenses.

Those with significant discretionary income and low expenses fall on the lower end of the “need” spectrum, but having one can’t hurt.

For example, your bills total $2,500 monthly, and you always have at least $10,000 left over.

Three months of expenses saved would total $7,500, but your discretionary spending exceeds that, so the probability of being significantly impacted by an unexpected expense is low.

Here are a few questions to help you determine how much you should save in your emergency fund. These questions apply whether you are single or partnered.

How many sources of income do you have?

The income isn’t just about the numbers on your paycheck. It’s about stability, predictability, and potential growth. So, evaluate all income sources to help you understand how volatile income may be.

The more volatile your income is, the more you want to save.

When was the last time you were unemployed, and for how long? And how long did the unemployment period last? Did you tap into existing emergency funds, and have you replenished them?

How easy is it for others to get a job in their field? If the economy is bad, finding a new job may take longer than normal.

If it took you 6 to 9 months to secure a stable income after your last layoff, then a 3-month emergency fund is probably not enough.

When was your last promotion, and do you expect a promotion soon? If you or your partner have been in the same role for several years, there are a few things to consider:

- Have you maintained certifications or continuing education credits to keep your skills up-to-date?
- Where are you on the pay scale for your company or industry?
- How marketable are your skills outside of the current employer? Are they easily transferable into another role?
- If below-average performance is an issue in their current role, then job security may be threatened. Maybe there is a possibility of being downsized or laid off.

How much access to credit or other income sources do they have?

Build Your Emergency Fund

Safeguard Your Savings with Lifestyle in Mind

The state of your health also plays a role.

Physical and mental health can be the unvoiced factor silently impacting your savings plan.

Imagine an unexpected medical bill or a period of illness causing your financial security to waver. Keep things like hospital stays, emergency surgeries, or things requiring you to experience longer downtimes.

If you have adequate disability or critical insurance, your emergency fund may not need to be as large.

Lastly, the number of people in your household can impact you if those individuals depend on you. If you’re in the sandwich generation, your parents and children rely on you somehow for survival.

Their additional needs and expenses need to be considered. If your child is in sports, injury or surprise expenses are likely. You might need to subsidize expenses for aging parents.

After all, dependents aren’t just costs – their needs deserve financial protection.

Can you have too much money in your Emergency Fund?

Emergency fund size is important, but it is absolutely possible to save too much in the account.

There’s a term called cashdrag.

This means that holding too much money in cash can negatively impact your financial health compared to investing it in other areas to help it grow.

It’s essentially the opportunity cost of not investing “in something” that could yield higher returns.

Once you determine the size of your emergency fund, redirecting excess funds to retirement accounts, investment accounts, or other investment opportunities may be the next best thing.

This depends heavily on your risk tolerance, market conditions, and investment philosophy.

Regularly review your expenses and lifestyle to ensure your emergency fund remains sufficiently aligned.

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Hopefully, you’re convinced that an emergency fund is a lifeline, ensuring you’re never unprepared.

An emergency fund is more than just a stash of cash—it’s a critical safety net.

Now that you’ve had a chance to digest everything, what’s your gut reaction to this question:

Do you have a better idea of the emergency fund size that is right for you?

Ready to build your emergency fund?

To determine how much you have available to contribute to this account, review your budget to see how much excess cash flow you have.

Not seeing a lot of cash available.

Can you redirect funds or cut some non-essential expenses temporarily.

Regular reviews of this information will prevent financial fatigue.

If you can accurately track your expenses, you’re more likely to achieve your savings goals.

Remember it’s not about saving for every conceivable disaster but providing cover for the most likely what-ifs. Grab the Ultimate Financial Resource guide if you need tools to help you manage your emergency fund.

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Disclaimer: The information provided is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute professional legal or financial advice for your personal situation.

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

Nikki is an experienced financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security post-divorce. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit and be connected to the right resources for the next phase of life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your pre and post-divorce easier. Grab your FREE Divorce Support Pack.

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The Hidden Truths About Divorce Nobody Tells You

Mar 23, 2025

The Hidden Truths About Divorce Nobody Tells You

Dou know somebody, who knows somebody, who knows somebody who’s gone through a nasty divorce?

What if there are other truths about divorce?

Those stories, along with TV, media, and our personal experiences, make us think that everything about divorce must be negative.

I say, double thumbs down to that belief. 👎 👎

Yes, divorce can be hard. This post is about helping you understand the hidden truth about divorce that we don’t hear about often enough.

Discover 10 realities that may change your perspective on divorce as you’re going through it.

What if you could put a glass on a therapist’s office door, read their session notes, or jump into their brains and discover what they want all their patients to know about divorce?

Here’s your chance🤫.

4 min read: Prefer the audio summary of this blog post – sign up for the FIIRM Hero Newsletter & Private Podcast to HEAR what this post is all about when you don’t have time to read it.

1. Truth About Divorce: Change Is the New Comfort Zone

Many view divorce as a massive failure or the end of happiness.

On the contrary, therapists often see it as a transition to something better. I remember a conversation with my therapist about divorce, and we talked about the idea of a marriage reaching its expiration.

I saw that perspective as a light bulb moment – it felt like a hidden truth about marriage and divorce.

Embracing change can lead you to live more authentically in your next chapter.

The change in seasons brings hope and joy for some and despair for others.

I think the orange, red & brown leaves on trees in the fall are gorgeous, but maybe you prefer full green trees.

Adjusting your perspective can transform fear into hope, showing you the way—not the obstacle.

Download our Divorce Support Pack to get started on finding the right resources to help you.

2. Healthy Communication Is Underrated

In my last two blog posts, I’ve talked about the importance of communication. Well here we go again.

Here’s another perspective, being ‘heard’ without truly ‘listening’ doesn’t solve problems.

According to therapists, the truth about divorce is that active listening is the real hero.

It involves empathy, open-ended questions, and patience.

Next time you feel like giving your partner an earful, pause, breathe, and actively listen instead—it could save more than just the day!

It could save you time and money as you move through the divorce process.

Woman Wearing Teal Dress Sitting on Chair Talking to Man

3. Not So Hidden Truth About Divorce: Your Children Are Watching EVERYTHING

When your kids are adults, you hear about all the things they noticed that you didn’t know about.

If you have kids, it’s crucial to stay mindful of their perspective. They’re the unsuspecting audience for your drama.

A real-life experience to learn from:

Criticisms of your partner – save it for your friends, not your kids.

I’m not suggesting you fake the funk – just think of your disputes like an X rated movie that you wouldn’t want them to see.

Model the behavior you want them to reenact in their future relationship. Even though my parents never married, my mom didn’t disparage my father in front of me as I was growing up.

I sincerely appreciate that!

4. Self-Care: Don’t Neglect It

Yup, it’s time to Fire up that bubble bath, grab your favorite book, and indulge in some you-time. Therapists recommend prioritizing self-care amid the chaos.

The truth about divorce that is not talked about enough is that your emotional tank needs to be refueled.

Hit the gym, have a spa day, or just binge-watch Netflix guilt-free!

Go to your sister’s house and sit in the spare room with the door locked. If your sister’s house is chaotic, find a reasonable hotel deal.

Treat yourself with kindness—your future self will thank you.

5. Divorce Truth: A Mediator Could Be Your Fairy Godparent 🧝

Mediators can seem like the magical heroes of the divorce realm. They swoop in with their neutral wand, resolving conflicts you thought were unsolvable.

Therapists suggest embracing mediation early to minimize drama and bolster fair resolutions.

Your mediator is not the judge or the jury, but they are a savvy neutral, ensuring a more harmonious outcome when emotions run high. Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo indeed!

Most divorces CAN be settled out of court. That’s a truth about divorce that doesn’t get talked about enough.

6. Closure is Found, Not Given

Seeking closure is like trying to grab a shadow. Therapists advocate creating your own closure instead of waiting for it.

Journaling, therapy sessions, and new experiences can help weave closure into your post-divorce tapestry.

Embrace the chance to move forward, not by waiting for something from the past, but by redefining your future path.

The hard truth is that you may never understand why your marriage didn’t work.

7. Unpopular Truth: Co-Parenting Does Not Equal Friendship

Not all exes can be friends. Not all exes need to be friends.

Confusing co-parenting with rekindling friendship often leads to murky waters. Therapists suggest drawing clear, healthy boundaries.

Focus on building a functional co-parenting relationship rather than striving for friendship.

Hard truth: Mind your business unless it impacts your kids. 😉😉

That’s not to say you can’t get along—just don’t force a relationship.

Partnership in parenting is powerful enough alone!

8. Your Single Identity is a Superpower🪄

Flying solo doesn’t mean losing your power! On the contrary, therapists encourage embracing your uniqueness during singlehood.

Uncover strengths, passions, and the self-love journey—your cape is already sewn!

Losing the title of wife does not negate the incredible woman you are.

If you’ve been dying to redecorate – now’s your chance.

Hated going to the local dive bar with your soon-to-be-ex – no need to go anymore.

This is an opportunity to know you better and embrace empowerment as your very own superhero in the making.

9. Give Grief The Space It Deserves

It’s okay to grieve; it’s part of healing.

It might hit you 2 hours after you sign the papers, 2 weeks later or both.

Just in case, it hits same day – you might want to take off of work. Trying to lead a meeting, present a new idea or provide constructive feedback to a team member the day your divorce is final could be a recipe for disaster.

Don’t suppress the feelings – give them the space they deserve.

The divorce truth that most don’t share with us is that doing so may allow you to heal faster.

Remember, you’re not alone, seriously!

Relying on friends and family provides emotional grounding.

Therapists often encourage building a supportive network that uplifts and guides during tough times.

A strong support system not only stabilizes but also accelerates the recovery process. Consider it your emotional shock absorber.

10. Hard Truth About Divorce: Forgiveness is for You, Not Them

The ultimate irony? Forgiveness liberates you, not your ex. It lightens your emotional load, according to therapists.

Instead of harboring resentment, think of forgiveness as a freeing gift to yourself, bringing peace amid the turmoil.

With forgiveness, you pave not just a smoother path for your future, but a more joyous one too.

11. Financial Engagement: Your New Best Friend

You’re the CFO now.

Bills, assets, and accountability—oh my! You need to know your assets and debts inside-out, pre & post divorce.

Getting financially savvy not only avoids future conflicts but also sets you free to confidently plan the next big chapter of your life.

You don’t have to manage your money the way you did as a married couple. Learn new ways!

12. Therapy Isn’t a Taboo, It’s a Tool

Shaking off the stigma around therapy is more crucial than ever.

Therapy provides essential tools for dealing with the seismic shifts divorce brings, like a personal life coach dedicated to helping you find balance.

It’s an investment in your future self—sometimes, the best lessons come with just a bit of vulnerability and openness.

Take FIIRM Action to Get Through Your Divorce

Divorce can be the ultimate catalyst for reinvention.

But first – reflection. Reflection allows you to learn from mistakes, forgive past madness, and pursue a brighter future.

Reflect on these insights, apply what resonates and chart your own path with courage and grace.

Don’t suppress anything. Be patient with yourself.

Think about the ocean. It’s vast and hard to really picture how big it is.

It’s also hard to imagine how you’re going to manage all the emotions you’re going to feel.

As the proverb goes, tears water the flowers of the future. Let yourself feel the feels.

Instead of suppressing pain or pushing it aside, giving it room helps to truly let go when the time comes.

Let the ocean fill up with your emotions. Just hold off on the pollutants though. 😉

Check out our Divorce Support Pack to support you on your path to surviving your divorce.

15 Ways to Secretly Prepare for Divorce With Confidence

Mar 8, 2025

15 Ways to Secretly Prepare for Divorce

There are three typical scenarios on the edge of your marriage ending.

You’re the person initiating it. You’ve decided the marriage is over.
You’re blindsided. Maybe the topic has come up occasionally, but you’re stunned that your partner is done.
You jointly decide that the marriage is over.

This FIIRM Hero blog post will help you figure out how to secretly prepare for divorce confidently under any of those three scenarios. As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®), I understand the importance of preparing for emotional turbulence, financial uncertainty, and unpredictable outcomes.

It’s a delicate balancing act to ensure you don’t lose yourself in the process, have an outlet for your emotions, have people you can rely on, and most importantly, your sanity remains intact.

withered flower depicting divorce

Under all of these scenarios, you could have a very amicable divorce, a very contentious divorce, or anything in between.

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1. Recognize the Signs That Your Marriage Is in Trouble

Preparation and awareness go hand in hand. If you’re reading this blog post, you may already know the signs that your relationship is in trouble. Maybe it’s constant drag out fights or just simple irreconcilable differences.

However, if you’re still trying to evaluate the situation, you may find it helpful to read “Real Warning Signs That Your Relationship is in Trouble.” This post discusses warning signs that you might be ignoring. Plus it includes verbatim accounts of the tipping point from everyday divorcees. It also covers a few tips if you think your relationship is salvageable.

couple fighting due to trouble in their marriage

2. Break Free from Validation Echoes

When you’re about to make a big decision, seeking validation or approval is normal.

It can help to recognize when you’re trapped in a cycle of seeking validation. Notice patterns in your behavior—do you frequently ask the same people for reassurance?

Remember, while seeking advice or reassurance is helpful, it’s problematic when it hinders your ability to trust yourself. Set mental boundaries to help you recognize when it’s time to rely on your judgment.

Plus, if the news blindsides you, very few outside opinions can help you find the “answers” you’re looking for.

3. Gather Important Documents to Secretly Prepare for Divorce

FIIRM Approach clients usually fall into two categories:

They are confident they know where all of their important documents are stored
It’s been years since they’ve seen the essential documents, but they know they’re in the house somewhere

Where do you fall?

If you’re preparing for divorce in secret, make sure that you have originals and copies of all critical documents because it’s likely that you’ll need them at some point. This includes:

Social Security cards
- Replacement social security cards can be ordered online
Birth certificates
- Your state’s vital records office can provide a replacement
Marriage license
- - Your state’s vital records office can provide a copy

documents to secretly prepare for a divorce

Estate documents (including trust documents)
Adoption or Guardianship papers
Life Insurance policies (digital copies are acceptable)
Previous divorce decrees
Military Paperwork
Your Financial Inventory

4. Knowing Your Worth

It is vital to clearly understand the financial landscape, including all assets, liabilities, income streams, and expenses.

Equally important is to gather all financial documents early on—bank statements, tax returns, investment accounts, property deeds—everything. You need a full scope of your financial situation to move forward strategically.

Consider creating a ‘divorce readiness’ folder to organize critical financial documents. Divorce forces you to untangle and divide assets that have been interwoven during marriage.

Secretly Prepare for Divorce with confidence

Do you understand the differences between marital property and separate property? Which parts might be subject to division and what might not?

The simple answer is that marital property was acquired during the marriage. Separate property was acquired before the marriage, after separation, inherited, or gifted. Separate property, for obvious reasons, can get tricky.

You might need a financial advisor to understand and assess the current valuation and future implications.

While everyone focuses on who gets the house, car, and vacation home, don’t overlook the debts.

Of course, these must be divided, too, whether it’s mortgages, credit card balances, or personal loans.

No one wants to shoulder all the debt while their ex walks away with the lion’s share of assets. Do everything you can upfront to ensure a fair division of marital property and debt.

Because of all this, it’s also important to understand your post-divorce financial standing.

5. Think Beyond the Split to Build Your Financial Independence

Is your financial security going to be threatened after your divorce?

Will your income be enough to cover your expenses?

Emergency fund – big enough?

Credit score – high enough?

If not, then secretly preparing for divorce gives you time to change this.

Divorce is a significant life shift but also an opportunity to reset.

This includes revisiting or setting up a new budget, reevaluating your financial goals, and retraining to maximize career opportunities.

Take control of our finances by becoming more financially engaged pre- and post-divorce. Your long-term financial health is key and isn’t just number crunching. Some of the decisions you will need to make require serious mental fortitude.

Moreover, emotional readiness is just as pivotal. It’s about coming out stronger, wiser, and financially secure on the other side.

6. Prioritize Emotional Well-being When Preparing for Divorce

Divorce is not the time to pick up habits that won’t benefit you during the divorce process.

While the whole bottle of wine may be comforting, you should prioritize sleep, proper nutrition, and exercise to help you maintain mental peace.

You can make these changes without telling anyone why.

7. Build a Support System

Now, if you’re preparing secretly and don’t want to tell the world about then discretion is your friend. Determine which trusted friends or family you can share the information with when ready. Establish boundaries with your support system so they know what to expect with communication, information sharing, and the things you don’t want to share.

Download our Divorce Support Pack to help you figure out what to say to your support system.

8. Quietly Educate Yourself on Divorce Laws

Divorce laws are determined by the state & country you live in. Each locale has different regulations, and knowing them can protect your rights. Some states follow equitable distribution, while others adhere to community property laws. Understanding these distinctions, and what applies in your state, will prevent unnecessary surprises.

Asset Division: Fair Doesn’t Mean Equal

At the core of divorce financials lies the division of assets. In divorce, “fair” doesn’t necessarily mean “equal.” States have different asset division laws, typically under “community property” or “equitable distribution.”

Do your homework so you are prepared for what to expect.

divorce laws

Community Property: States like Arizona and California are community property states, which means the split of marital property and debts acquired during the marriage is split 50/50.

Equitable Distribution: Most states fall into this category, in which assets are divided in a manner that’s considered fair but not necessarily equal.

9. What Custody Arrangements Will Work For You?

If you have children, consider the best custody arrangements for them. Write down your nice-to-have items and plan to preemptively discuss ideas with your spouse to find common ground when it makes sense. As you prepare, evaluate various options that could work for your family.

10. Protect Your Online Presence

The internet is a frenemy, and most of us have some online presence. Review your social media settings and be cautious about what you share leading up to & during your divorce. You may need to change your settings from public to private or block some unfriendly “followers.”

Whenever you can, go the extra mile to protect yourself from unwanted scrutiny or drama.

11. Seek Professional Guidance: When It Makes Sense

Early consultation with a legal expert can provide insights into divorce, legal rights, and obligations. Likewise, speaking with a therapist can help process emotions constructively.

However, don’t run up your divorce bill prematurely.

A word of caution: Attorneys play a key role in the divorce process, but sometimes, we call them too soon.

A sound divorce attorney is a God send when engaged at the right time. They can help make the legal process less stressful, protect your interests, and help negotiate terms in your best interest.

12. Update Personal Information Strategically

Consider quietly reviewing & updating personal records and information.

Update email addresses. Freeze your credit and ensure everything is free of errors.

Discreetly separate joint accounts or organize private communication with selected people if necessary.

13. Preparing for Change & New Opportunities

Divorce is life-altering. No doubt about it.

Embrace the change while grieving the loss of your marriage. Volunteer with organizations you are passionate about. Travel alone to new cities or old favorites.

Dine alone or hang out with girlfriends you rarely had time for.

14. Plan for Housing Adjustments

Whether staying put or moving, consider the logistics of your living situation.

Being proactive about housing decisions can make significant changes smoother when the time arrives.

Staying in the house may make perfect sense, but don’t rule out moving and making new memories.

15. Trust Your Journey

If you can check off as many items on the list as possible, you will confidently trust your decisions and ability to navigate difficult situations.

Taking FIIRM action on any of these steps can help lead you to a brighter future.

Real Warning Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Mar 1, 2025

Real warning sign your marriage is in trouble

Real Warning Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Published February 20, 2025

Disclosure: This blog post may contain affiliate links, meaning we may be sent a monetary reward if you purchase an item after clicking on the links. The reward does not impact what we choose to recommend.

Perfect relationships don’t exist. For those who have figured out how to navigate to the marriage mountaintop, we know the harder part is staying there.

Real Warning Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Have you ever looked at a friend’s marriage and wondered “why they got married?”

Speculated how many years it would last?

Sometimes it feels like we know more about celebrity marriages than those closest to us.

Especially since we have access to stories about their demise, and often, based on the headlines, we can see the signs a relationship is in trouble.

However, we rarely know the tipping point or the red flags that pushed these marriages to the literal finish line.

This blog post can help you recognize the warning signs that your relationship might be in trouble.

Warning Signs Your Relationship Might Be in Trouble

Do you have relationship problems that can be solved?

Is your situation so dysfunctional that you’re starting to think it’s best to part ways?

Either way, pay attention to the warning signs.

Can the relationship be saved?

When researching this blog post, I knew real-life experiences/stories from everyday divorcees would serve you better. Some people were married for a long time, and others had shorter relationships.

Their identities are not disclosed to protect their privacy; the details, however, are verbatim accounts. Similar to real life, there are several different reasons that people’s relationships end.

Trigger Warning: Some personal stories are raw, and while not intended to upset you or cause you to relive personal trauma, they may be triggering depending on your situation. Please proceed cautiously and stop reading if the post stirs up too many negative emotions.

These personal stories are provided so that you know you are not alone if you are in an unhealthy relationship or marriage. The FIIRM Approach primarily supports female breadwinners, but this post includes personal experiences from men and women.

You might relate to an underlying issue in your marriage.

You may even realize that you need to check your own behavior.

Some relationships can be saved, and some can’t. Maybe you already know the answer about yours.

If your goal is to try to save your relationship, I highly recommend checking out the book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

Red paper heart ripped in half on dark background. Broken heart separation concept

2 Real-life experiences – Signs a Relationship is in Trouble:

“My divorce was somewhat unexpected. He just told me he wanted a divorce and soon after moved out. At the time, things weren’t great, but I didn’t see a divorce. But deep down, I didn’t see a future with us being together”

“Let me start by saying I should have known better than to marry him. He was very possessive, which I mistaken for love. I knew it was over when he became very indifferent to me. Exactly 7 years! I knew he was cheating… I called him on it and he admitted it. We got back together, built a new house, and he cheated again, ugh…the tipping was him using MY credit card to take her to a concert and dinner. Bottom line, he did me a big favor; had I not known bad, I wouldn’t know good.”

Download our Divorce Support Pack to get started on finding the right resources to help you.

Are changes in behaviors a sign that your relationship is in trouble?

Of course, depending on the changes in behavior, it can be a sign that your relationship or marriage is in trouble. The range is extensive, but a few examples of unhealthy behaviors include:

emotional distance,
sneaky behavior,
infidelity,
problems with vices (e.g., gambling or addiction),
constant dishonesty,
physical, emotional abuse, etc.

A good romantic relationship or marriage includes honest communication, emotional support, a deep level of intimacy, and trust.

When your partnership lacks these things and starts to feel like a scene from “What’s Love Got to do With It”, it’s a sign of a deeper issue. Tackle it head-on, if your goal is to preserve the relationship.

4 Real-life experiences – When Behavior Changes Signal Relationship Trouble:

“ A younger girl that we both worked with started calling our house regularly to speak to my husband. I knew the marriage was in trouble, but I knew it was over when he moved into the young lady’s college dorm room in another state, and tried to lie about it. I couldn’t reach him, but eventually, I got her dorm phone number and left a message for him to call me. No surprise, he got the message and called me back” 😐

“ I knew that it was going to end in divorce when he started out to shoot pool at night, and he would come home at two or three in the morning. Then he would go to the grocery store to get some cereal and come back home 3 hours later with some grapes! 😈 We married about a week before our son was born, and we divorced when he was about 4 years old.”

“I had been avoiding the inevitable for years. The tipping point was him telling me he was attending the side chick’s son’s funeral when he supposedly hated funerals, and he hadn’t gone to one in the 18 years we were together.” 😐

“My husband was stationed in another state and moved in with [a woman] and her boyfriend at the time because he was friends with the boyfriend. The boyfriend moved out, and my husband stayed. When he told me about it, I told him to move out, and he said he was going to stay and help her because she had a child. The child was not the ex-boyfriend, and that is when I said to myself that we were done. A few months later, he called and said he moved out so we could get a place together, but I was already done with him. I knew he cheated with her, and I didn’t want him.” (He later married the woman)

How does a lack of communication impact marriage?

Those married for a long time or in a long-term relationship, have heard this saying:

“the foundation of a healthy relationship is good, open communication”

I think this is very true.

There’s a direct correlation between communication issues and relationship issues. Silent treatments or the inability to communicate effectively, it is a clear sign of trouble.

Communication Issues Could Be a Sign That Your Relationship is in Trouble – A real-life experience to learn from:

“I confronted my wife about the fact that my stepdaughter would not speak when spoken to nor initiate speaking when I arrived home. I asked her if she would talk to her about it, and my wife told me to address it with my stepdaughter, who was in 3rd or 4th grade at the time. My mother-in-law told my wife it was her job…she took a pass. I knew then the marriage had a finite timeline. The child’s disrespect ultimately cost her parents dearly, remained a source of contention in our marriage, and helped accelerate our demise.”

Can Communication Issues Be Solved?

The key to resolving communication issues starts with intention and fast action – Surprise, Surprise.

When you allow things to simmer for too long it is easy to build deep seated resentment.

That’s when it’s harder to come back from.

Communicating honestly but with kindness, as much as humanly possible, is key.

marriage counseling

Here are a couple of simple relationship communication tips:

Ask for permission to discuss hard things and ensure the timing is right. Address issues when there are no distractions, and the environment is conducive. This could distinguish between a cordial conversation and WWIII in your house. If your partner doesn’t want to discuss something in the moment, forcing the conversation could be a bad idea. However, if they never want to discuss hard things – that’s usually a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.
Try to frame negative statements with ‘we’ instead of ‘you.’ For example, “I know we are having an issue with _____. Let’s discuss how we can solve it together”.
As my Uncle Larry would say, pause and collect your thoughts. The art of the pause is powerful. Moments of silence are different than silent treatments. Give your brain a chance to process what was said, ask for clarification (when needed), and then respond with something you won’t regret.

This book breaks down communication issues on level I’ve rarely seen so it might be worth checking out if you’re trying to save the relationship – Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

But, if your intention is ripping their heart out and stomping on it – you do you – feel free to ignore the tips above.

Is there a connection between money & marital bliss?

As a financial professional, I could not write this blog post about signs that your marriage is in trouble without discussing money.

Money continues to be one of the major stressors of all humans regardless of marital status, and it’s definitely an underlying issue of divorce.

Here are a few financial signs that mean your relationship is in trouble:

Arguments about small expenses. Little things can turn into big things quickly. Unless your family is severely cash strapped, arguments about $5 here and $10 there is annoying. But it’s often a sign of a larger issue.
Clashing money personalities. It’s okay to have different ways of doing things. Still, you should move toward the same goal when you’re in a romantic relationship. A lack of shared vision or unified planning is problematic.
Money used as a power move – Salaries should not be used as a weapon against you. A marriage should include financial transparency and respect regardless of the amount of financial contribution. Money spent frivolously on other people or things is a sign of trouble.

2 Real-life experiences to learn from related to money and control:

“My first husband was not bringing home money, and I had to hunt him down on paydays. Constantly cheating – the final straw was when his girlfriend called my house with information on their engagement. My second husband was too mean and controlling. I cannot be controlled.”

“I suspected he had a serious mental health condition after our first child was born because he wanted to control me by not letting me work and controlling all the money. When I did get a little part-time job waitressing, he came in and caused a commotion and got me fired. When I was pregnant with our second child, and he threw me on the ground and choked me. I knew I had to go then for sure. He also told me he would drug me when I didn’t know it and get me committed to a mental institution so that he could get the kids. 😮

That’s when I promised myself I would go back to school so I could support my kids after the divorce, and I did. Luckily, my father paid for school, and my aunt babysat some so I could go back to school part-time. He went to federal prison. That’s when I divorced him and finished school because I knew he couldn’t retaliate while in prison. I stayed 3 1/2 years after the choking incident so I could be financially able to take care of us. If there’s one thing I would have done very differently, I would have gotten out sooner because the kids would not have had the attachment they had.”

Is Money Keeping You Stuck in a Sucky Relationship?

If financial issues keep you from progressing as a couple, here’s a tip that may help.

Align your goals—There should be room for ‘me’ and ‘we’ goals. ‘Me goals should support, not counteract, ‘we goals’. Address unhealthy behaviors that prevent you from reaching your financial dreams as a team.

However, if your financial issues are part of a deeper problem and are keeping you stuck in the relationship that you want to get out of, here’s a different tip for you.

Take Your Power Back—If your partner is hiding financial information, controlling how you spend money, and holding you financially hostage, formulate a game plan to regain your financial power.

Does it feel like your partner has checked out of the relationship?

The reality is that most people don’t check out of relationships overnight – especially marriages. When date nights become infrequent, or you just aren’t spending quality time together like you used to, it could be a sign of trouble.

Maybe there’s a good reason, and this is a “seasonal” issue. Still, you and I both know your partner’s needs (or yours) can’t go unmet for long periods without it leading to bigger problems. A lack of physical intimacy is a silent treatment louder than words.

What about when you find yourself having negative feelings a little too often? If you cringe when you see their face, hear their name, or feel their touch, it’s a good reason to be worried.

3 Real-life experiences – Emotional Distance and Indifference = Checking Out:

“I knew the moment I officially moved out. I was firm that if he let me leave, I was never coming back. He let me leave – ain’t nobody got time for that. We even messed around a bit after I moved out, but there was no reconciling at that point.”

“I did not look at her as my prize. She was just another woman. Had no desire or energy to work on the faults. In my mind, if I saw her in a romantic setting with another man, I would not be upset. 💡 That’s when I knew it was over.”

“At counseling, the therapist suggested to her that four years of breastfeeding might be a way of avoiding intimacy with me. Her response was – “I have no intentions of quitting breastfeeding to get intimate with him.” End of session. End of marriage.”

How to Reconnect Using Love Languages

Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts has some relationship gurus in a choke hold. While Mr. Chapman was not a relationship guru or licensed therapist (he was a church marriage counselor and pastor), I think his theories on love languages make sense in the most basic way possible.

You and your partner may have different primary needs, and it’s mutually beneficial if you understand them.

Do you remember your partner’s love language?

Do you know your own?

If you haven’t completely given up on your relationship yet, it’s essential to recognize that love languages can change.

So, the first thing to do is to make sure that you and your partner understand each other’s current love language. Then, use that information to work through your relationship problems in a healthy way.

Try this as a baby step to improve your relationship: Facilitate discussions based on each other’s love language. For example, if your partner loves physical touch, have a deep talk while holding hands or cuddling because physical touch lowers stress by releasing oxytocin.

Lowered stress may equate to lower defenses or attacks, making your conversations more productive.

This could be the breakthrough you need to START to work through in terms of communication issues, intimacy issues, and other relationship problems.

To be clear, implementing this strategy will still require lots of patience and work.

I’m not naïve enough to suggest that “all you need to do is hold hands”

When the relationship can’t be saved

The reality is that every relationship can’t be saved. However, when your and your partner’s attempts to save it are well aligned, it can result in a healthier, more committed relationship. This blog post has uncovered various signs that your relationship might be in trouble.

Your final hat trick may be expert relationship intervention through couples therapy, marriage counseling, or divorce lawyers, and there is no shame in that.

I’m sure you gave it your best shot, and I want you to be prepared for the next phase.

A Better Budget: A Simple Way to Organize Your Money

Jan 30, 2025

The Savvy Financial Habits of Biweekly Paycheck Savers

I’ve been dead broke, kinda sorta broke, and a couple of paychecks away from broke. I’ve been paid weekly, biweekly, semi-monthly, and monthly.

Biweekly Earners! By the end of this post, you’ll better understand how to organize bills and budget your money to lower your financial stress.

I’m an exhausted perimenopausal mom, financial professional, and primary breadwinner.

So, from personal experience (see the sentences above), I know that mastering budgeting as a biweekly earner is an underutilized tool for getting out of the paycheck-to-paycheck grind.

The secret to saving money or paying down more debt isn’t always about a bigger paycheck but wisely managing what you have.

Stuck trying to figure out how to organize your bills and budget?

Imagine transforming your finances simply by tweaking your habits. Sounds like a fantasy?

For many, it is not.

When we can’t figure out how to save money regularly, it’s either an income problem, an expense problem, problematic habits, or a combination of the three.

It’s never too late to get on track with your money, increase your credit score, and reach your long-term goals.

Let me challenge your assumptions whether you’re just starting or have been trying to save for years. I’m confident you can hit your 2025 financial goals.

The Basics of Organizing Your New Budget

Getting paid every two weeks means you get 26 paychecks in a year (ignoring leap years intentionally).

You get three paychecks two months out of the year.

The third paycheck is typically larger because the regular deductions are not taken out.

This unpredictability can be frustrating for some but a fantastic opportunity for others because you can use that third check to your advantage.

The first thing to do is to understand how your pay schedule empowers you to leverage every penny you earn.

You cannot skip this step.

Suppose your job or payroll provider doesn’t provide an annual payroll schedule (HR usually has it). In that case, you can figure out what months you will get those ‘extra checks’ on your own.

The easiest way is to search for “paycheck calendar 20XX” online.

For example, Intuit/Quickbooks has a bi-weekly payroll calendar template available.

Depending on how your pay dates fall in 2025, your ‘extra paychecks’ may hit in January, May, August, or October.

Once you figure out your pay period dates, the next step is reworking your budget.

Because of how your pay dates may fall, the timing of your paychecks will look different every year, so January is the perfect time to plan.

However, it’s never too late to begin this strategy to organize your budget and bills.

Even though you are getting paid bi-weekly, paying your monthly bills using a semi-monthly (twice a month) budget allows you to:

Track funds more efficiently
Distribute your expenses more evenly
Eliminate or at least be more prepared for surprises and
Maximize these mini windfalls.

6 min read: Get the audio summary of this blog post & listen to specific ways to use your extra ‘paycheck’ – sign up for the FIIRM Hero Newsletter Community to HEAR what this post is all about when you don’t have time to read it.

What’s The Magic of the ‘Extra’ Paycheck

When you read the stories of someone who paid off five and six figures in debt, it’s usually not because they did it all at once.

It’s because they did it little by little, which makes the ‘extra’ paycheck so powerful!

Think about it…

70-100% of a paycheck NOT going toward essential bills, mortgage, or car payments. While there is no ONE way to budget money, here’s a FIIRM Approach way.

Set your budget as if you get paid semi-monthly or 2x a month. The standard way is to use the 15th and end of the month.
Change your billing due dates/payment schedule to align with the new budget schedule. Your utility companies and creditors are typically flexible with this request. Make sure you account for paper and electronic bills. You might pay some bills earlier than usual, but let’s say goodbye to late fees.
Prepare to reserve 30-50% of your monthly expenses to cover gaps or irregular payments to get things going initially. *You can use your savings or your next ‘extra’ paycheck to jump-start this plan.
Make plans for EVERY extra check. This is a necessary step.
Set goals and execute the plans to support those goals.

While this won’t immediately change your monthly expenses, this strategy is for you if you feel one unexpected considerable expense will make you your headspin.

📣Use the extra funds to boost their emergency fund, pay down debt, or splurge on something they often deny themselves.📣

Use Automation to Lower Your Financial Stress

Automation is the Beyonce, Wonder Woman, (Insert Your Favorite Hero ________) of smart money strategies.

Use automatic bill payments as a key part of your strategy to manage monthly bill payments.

If that makes you uncomfortable, remember that when you set up automatic payments on recurring bills, you can always turn it off if needed.

Setting your bills up this way will save you time and effort in keeping track of bills and your budget.

However, it’s not a set-it-and-forget-it type of thing.

Does it Matter How Your Bank Accounts are Set up?

It’s 2025, so I assume you have a bank account.

You receive bank statements, maybe even paper statements, and a debit card, and you likely already use their online banking platform.

Your financial institution appreciates it when you keep money in the bank, and they are probably always sending you offers to use other financial products.

Let’s talk about talking them up on their offers.

One key to managing your money better is to set up a good system to organize your bills and budget to support your financial goals.

Simple Separation Supports Your Progress

With modern technology, you don’t need to make a phone call or walk into a branch to open a new bank account.

Even if you don’t get paid bi-weekly or adopt this budgeting strategy, having just one checking account is not a good idea for managing and protecting your money.

Utilizing three accounts – two checking and one savings account- is as powerful as using a budgeting app.

The best way to do this is to designate one account for bill paying (primary account), one for spending, and one for savings.

You only need a debit card for the checking account you will use for spending. This reduces the risk of your primary account being compromised.

As a bonus, there’s less temptation to dip into savings for unnecessary expenses. It also makes bill organization even more straightforward.

This habit requires minimal discipline after setup, yet it is a great way to maximize results.

How Much of Your Extra Paycheck Goes to Your Emergency Fund

As a primary breadwinner, one way to protect your financial security is to have an emergency fund.

Bi-weekly earners can make building an emergency fund easier by using a budget as if they are only paid twice a month (or 24 times a year).

Emergency funds are used for unexpected expenses or to cushion the blow of large expenses.

The target is usually 3 to 6 months’ worth of expenses, but if that feels too much, aim for $1,000 first and build from there.

$1,000 can cover your insurance deductible, car repairs, household repairs, or annual recurring bills that we sometimes forget about.

Think of savings as intentional growth, not deprivation. Knowing you have this available can provide great peace of mind.

Rewarding Yourself Doesn’t Need to Be Impulsive

Part of your important financial decisions includes plans to reward yourself. When learning how to organize your bills and budget, remember the best part – spending money on yourself!

Your discretionary spending should include what makes you happy, and using your extra paycheck is the perfect time to do that, too.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you use the entire check on the reward but balancing the little luxuries. If you see something you “have” to have, try giving yourself 24 hours to cool off before buying it.

The most important thing about rewarding yourself and indulging in a guilt-free way is planning for it.

Debt Dance-Offs

While the average person has to pay a mortgage or rent, credit cards are usually the biggest pain.

I don’t believe debt is evil, but it’s easy to get in trouble with it.

Use your extra paycheck to tackle debt, avoid late payments, and win the debt dance-off.

Time for FIIRM Hero Action to Organize Your Bills & Your Budget

This blog post helps you better understand how to organize bills, budget your money, lower your financial stress, and save more money.

Take action today by adopting strategies from biweekly paycheck earners to stay on top of your finances.

Ultimate Financial Resource Guide FIIRM Approach

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

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Financial Empowerment for Women: Navigating Divorce and Marriage with Confidence with Nikki Tucker

Aug 2, 2024

Financial Empowerment for Women: Navigating Divorce and Marriage with Confidence with Nikki Tucker

Modern Arizona Podcast Interview w/ Nikki Tucker

Listen to this Episode on YouTube, or Apple

In this Episode:

In this episode of the Modern Arizona Podcast, host Billie Tarascio sits down with Nikki Tucker, a personal financial coach and certified divorce financial analyst, to discuss the crucial aspects of financial planning for women, especially those facing divorce. Nicki shares her journey from a childhood fascination with finance to a career in financial services, and ultimately to personal financial coaching. Her motivation to help women navigate financial challenges, particularly during and after divorce, is evident as she emphasizes the importance of women being unapologetic about their financial security and taking control of their finances. Nikki and Billie delve into the importance of financial compatibility in marriage, highlighting the need for open and transparent financial conversations. They discuss practical strategies for managing joint and individual finances, such as maintaining both joint and separate bank accounts and having regular “money date nights.” Nikki also stresses the role of a financial coach or neutral third party in facilitating these discussions. They explore financial preparedness in the event of a divorce, underscoring the importance of understanding and mitigating financial risks and encouraging women to be proactive in their financial management. Additionally, evolving perceptions of prenups, particularly among younger generations and older high-income women, as a means to foster clear expectations and informed decisions within marriage.

About Modern Arizona Podcast:

Modern Arizona podcast is brought to you by Arizona Divorce Attorney Billie Tarascio of Modern Law, and Win Without Law School. Their mission is to help all families navigate life and law in Arizona.

About Billie Tarascio:

Billie Tarascio is a divorce attorney and Co-founder of Win Without Law School where you can access affordable and comprehensive resources to take on your family law case, including video guidance, written materials, and attorney coaching.

Useful Links from the Episode:

Listen to the Modern Arizona Podcast here.

You Might Also Be Interested In:

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director of The FIIRM Approach

Nikki is a Blogger, Speaker, and primary financial strategist of The FIIRM Approach. As a mom, 20+year financial services professional, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ® she is committed to helping female breadwinners strategically prepare their finances for divorce and confidently maintain their financial security pre and post divorce. Nikki uses action-based education in her Bring Home the Bacon workshops and strategy sessions as well as her on-demand digital resource – Silent Preparation Series - so you can prepare your finances for life's major transitions.

TAKE ACTION TODAY & LEARN about the simple things that can help make your pre & post divorce life easier - Grab Your Complimentary Divorce Support Pack today

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