3 Spring Hacks to Get Your Finances Ready for the Summer

Mar 30, 2025

3 Spring Hacks to Get Your Finances Ready for the Summer

Forget about summer bodies!

Let’s get your money ready for the summer.

Use 3 simple spring hacks to get your summer budget ready.

As a 20+ year financial professional and mom whose life never seems to slow down, I’m always looking for an easy way to manage my money and help my clients.

The concept of spring cleaning has always been dope to me. There’s the idea of a fresh start, and you get rid of “untreasured” items.

Plus, you can easily see the fruit of that labor. Your home is cleaner or more organized and maybe the garden is full of vibrant-colored flowers (if gardens are your thing).

Summer Budget

Imagine taking this same approach when it comes to your money.

5-7 min read: Looking for the audio summary of this blog post – sign up for the FIIRM Hero Newsletter Community to HEAR what this post is all about when you don’t have time to read it.

Did you know that scientific studies indicate our spending patterns naturally shift with the seasons?

I believe in the studies that say energetically, we feel different and more inspired when the sun is out longer, and the weather gets nicer.

That makes spring the perfect opportunity to sync our plans with our purchases. We can do the things that we’ve been putting off for the first three months of the year.

For years, retailers have known that consumers’ needs, demands, and preferences change by the season.

Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash

Because of that, they make sure that they’re always in a position to take whatever money we’re willing to give them.

If you’re the primary or sole breadwinner, then I want you to own your power using similar strategies to master your summer budget.

Think about what you know about yourself, your household, and your family spending.

What about the things that happened in winter, spring, fall, and summer over those last few years?

Sure, there were some unexpected expenses that hit you, but it’s very likely that there’s a repeat in patterns.

If you live somewhere with real winters, your heating bill is likely disrespectful.

Alternatively, if you have lived somewhere that loves offering three-digit summers, your electricity bill is constantly high.

Summer Budget Tips

Children?? Your food bill goes up in the summer because you’re responsible for providing more meals.

OK, hopefully, we’re tracking.

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we require certain things to feel safe, and I agree with that list.

You know – food, shelter, water…

In many cases, we’ll have to pay for these things, but paying too much is doing ourselves a disservice.

Tip #1. Am I paying too much for things I use regularly?

Their identities are not disclosed to protect their privacy; the details, however, are verbatim accounts. Similar to real life, there are several different reasons that people’s relationships end.

As a financial professional, I know that the standard guidelines say that housing expenses should run about 30 to 35% of net pay.

This is never as cut and dry as it sounds because the cost of living varies significantly across the country.

However, when it’s possible, you should consider cutting your housing expenses.

Of course, this can look very different depending on your situation. But if you happen to be in a circumstance that you need to make a move this summer, for example, then keep that number in mind, that 30 to 35% number.

You also might want to consider downsizing.

Summer Budget

Hear me out.

I know that it’s not always possible for very logical reasons.

However, very often, when we hear the word “downsizing,” we resist because of appearances or quite possibly pride. I have downsized my living situation a couple of times just because it made sense and I wanted to save money.

And I know people, friends, family and even clients of mine have chosen to downsize to save money, particularly after leaving a long-term relationship or marriage.

And it doesn’t mean that the downsizing must be permanent.

The next most significant expense is usually the money we spend on our cars.

So, if you live in a city or an area that requires you to have a car, then car payments can take up a big chunk of your money.

Again, the standard guidance is that your car payments should be 15 to 20% max of your take-home pay. If you find yourself in the market for a car this summer, then perhaps you need to keep that in mind when you’re shopping. The best time to buy a car is typically after October so if you’re able to wait that may help you lower your cost.

Those two big assets, cars and homes, generally require us to have insurance. The standard guidance for insurance is about 10 to 15% of your net pay, with 20% on the high end.

Here’s an opportunity for you. Have you been with your insurance provider for a while?

If you haven’t shopped your insurance recently, then you might be surprised about how much money you can save.

Tip #2 – Am I paying for things I don’t use?

You signed up for a free 99 trial and forgot to cancel the subscription.

You may also have a membership to a service or place you promised to use but haven’t.

Here’s my challenge to you: If you don’t use the service or visit the place within the next 30 days, cancel it. But hold yourself accountable by setting a reminder on your phone 30 days from now that says “reminder to cancel XYZ.”

If you miss the service after canceling it or find an opportunity to use it more regularly, guess what?

They are going to take your money again.

And even though signing up for this service all over again feels like mental karate, you and I both know that it’s really not that painful.

You can use websites and apps to help you determine what you’re paying for, but you may not be getting your money’s worth.

For example, you can use apps like Trim or Pocketguard to cut unnecessary expenses or inform you of overspending.

Of course, there is no shortage of apps that can help you get your financial life together—there are so many that it’s overwhelming. So, we did the work for you to research the top tools in different categories.

Our complimentary Financial Resource Guide is a curated list of those tools and more.

Ultimate Financial Resource Guide FIIRM Approach

Grab your copy of the free Ultimate Financial Resource Guide

Tip #3 How to Plan for Fun Without Breaking Summer Budget?

If you are anything like me, you already have a summer vacation planned.

Sometimes, those plans can be costly.

With that in mind, take the time to consider the estimated cost of your summer plans. Ask yourself if the money you have saved will cover 100% of the costs of your amazing summer plans or if you need to put it on a credit card.

If the answer is that you might need to put it on a credit card, then let’s try something different.

Let’s say your summer vacation costs about $3,000 and you can afford to put up $1,500 right now. Then, over the next few months, you are saving the remaining $1,500.

If your money is a little funny and that doesn’t sound possible, then it’s time to get creative. It doesn’t mean that your summer plans will be ruined.

Summer Budget Vacation

However, a slight change to your plans could make a big difference to your summer budget.

I’ve had to do this myself. I’ve canceled a few trips and shortened one by one day just to stay within my budget.

Your family can have amazing memories and experiences just by spending time with you.

And if you live near or in a major city, there are usually tons of free activities you can all do.

Although this might require a little extra work, you’re not breaking the bank and charging new credit card debt.

Am I tracking closely to my financial plan?

We start feeling broke in September / October, because we often lose our minds in the summer.

Now that you know how to approach the next 90+ days, do you feel ready to work on your money plan for the rest of the year?

Remember budgets are just plans for your money. It’s an opportunity for you to align your goals what the seasonal flows.

You can figure out how your money is growing and where your money is going.

Think of it as prioritizing your well-being for both present and future benefits.

Establishing plans for your money year-round can help you confidently tackle major expenses like debt payments, tuition, car repair, home repairs, or budget line items that you can’t say no to.

Tackle these expenses by breaking them down into manageable missions, so that you don’t get stressed.

Additionally, do not underestimate the damage that stress can do to your health.

If the idea of tracking your expenses feels overwhelming, leverage technology to help you stay on track.

I am NOT tech savvy; however, many user-friendly tools are available.

Use all the resources you need to make sure your money is ready for the summer.

You May Also Be Interested In:

Disclaimer: The information provided is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute professional legal or financial advice for your personal situation.

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

Nikki is an experienced financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security post-divorce. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit and be connected to the right resources for the next phase of life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your pre and post-divorce easier. Grab your FREE Divorce Support Pack.

Facebook

The Hidden Truths About Divorce Nobody Tells You

Mar 23, 2025

The Hidden Truths About Divorce Nobody Tells You

Dou know somebody, who knows somebody, who knows somebody who’s gone through a nasty divorce?

What if there are other truths about divorce?

Those stories, along with TV, media, and our personal experiences, make us think that everything about divorce must be negative.

I say, double thumbs down to that belief. 👎 👎

Yes, divorce can be hard. This post is about helping you understand the hidden truth about divorce that we don’t hear about often enough.

Discover 10 realities that may change your perspective on divorce as you’re going through it.

What if you could put a glass on a therapist’s office door, read their session notes, or jump into their brains and discover what they want all their patients to know about divorce?

Here’s your chance🤫.

4 min read: Prefer the audio summary of this blog post – sign up for the FIIRM Hero Newsletter & Private Podcast to HEAR what this post is all about when you don’t have time to read it.

1. Truth About Divorce: Change Is the New Comfort Zone

Many view divorce as a massive failure or the end of happiness.

On the contrary, therapists often see it as a transition to something better. I remember a conversation with my therapist about divorce, and we talked about the idea of a marriage reaching its expiration.

I saw that perspective as a light bulb moment – it felt like a hidden truth about marriage and divorce.

Embracing change can lead you to live more authentically in your next chapter.

The change in seasons brings hope and joy for some and despair for others.

I think the orange, red & brown leaves on trees in the fall are gorgeous, but maybe you prefer full green trees.

Adjusting your perspective can transform fear into hope, showing you the way—not the obstacle.

Download our Divorce Support Pack to get started on finding the right resources to help you.

2. Healthy Communication Is Underrated

In my last two blog posts, I’ve talked about the importance of communication. Well here we go again.

Here’s another perspective, being ‘heard’ without truly ‘listening’ doesn’t solve problems.

According to therapists, the truth about divorce is that active listening is the real hero.

It involves empathy, open-ended questions, and patience.

Next time you feel like giving your partner an earful, pause, breathe, and actively listen instead—it could save more than just the day!

It could save you time and money as you move through the divorce process.

Woman Wearing Teal Dress Sitting on Chair Talking to Man

3. Not So Hidden Truth About Divorce: Your Children Are Watching EVERYTHING

When your kids are adults, you hear about all the things they noticed that you didn’t know about.

If you have kids, it’s crucial to stay mindful of their perspective. They’re the unsuspecting audience for your drama.

A real-life experience to learn from:

Criticisms of your partner – save it for your friends, not your kids.

I’m not suggesting you fake the funk – just think of your disputes like an X rated movie that you wouldn’t want them to see.

Model the behavior you want them to reenact in their future relationship. Even though my parents never married, my mom didn’t disparage my father in front of me as I was growing up.

I sincerely appreciate that!

4. Self-Care: Don’t Neglect It

Yup, it’s time to Fire up that bubble bath, grab your favorite book, and indulge in some you-time. Therapists recommend prioritizing self-care amid the chaos.

The truth about divorce that is not talked about enough is that your emotional tank needs to be refueled.

Hit the gym, have a spa day, or just binge-watch Netflix guilt-free!

Go to your sister’s house and sit in the spare room with the door locked. If your sister’s house is chaotic, find a reasonable hotel deal.

Treat yourself with kindness—your future self will thank you.

5. Divorce Truth: A Mediator Could Be Your Fairy Godparent 🧝

Mediators can seem like the magical heroes of the divorce realm. They swoop in with their neutral wand, resolving conflicts you thought were unsolvable.

Therapists suggest embracing mediation early to minimize drama and bolster fair resolutions.

Your mediator is not the judge or the jury, but they are a savvy neutral, ensuring a more harmonious outcome when emotions run high. Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo indeed!

Most divorces CAN be settled out of court. That’s a truth about divorce that doesn’t get talked about enough.

6. Closure is Found, Not Given

Seeking closure is like trying to grab a shadow. Therapists advocate creating your own closure instead of waiting for it.

Journaling, therapy sessions, and new experiences can help weave closure into your post-divorce tapestry.

Embrace the chance to move forward, not by waiting for something from the past, but by redefining your future path.

The hard truth is that you may never understand why your marriage didn’t work.

7. Unpopular Truth: Co-Parenting Does Not Equal Friendship

Not all exes can be friends. Not all exes need to be friends.

Confusing co-parenting with rekindling friendship often leads to murky waters. Therapists suggest drawing clear, healthy boundaries.

Focus on building a functional co-parenting relationship rather than striving for friendship.

Hard truth: Mind your business unless it impacts your kids. 😉😉

That’s not to say you can’t get along—just don’t force a relationship.

Partnership in parenting is powerful enough alone!

8. Your Single Identity is a Superpower🪄

Flying solo doesn’t mean losing your power! On the contrary, therapists encourage embracing your uniqueness during singlehood.

Uncover strengths, passions, and the self-love journey—your cape is already sewn!

Losing the title of wife does not negate the incredible woman you are.

If you’ve been dying to redecorate – now’s your chance.

Hated going to the local dive bar with your soon-to-be-ex – no need to go anymore.

This is an opportunity to know you better and embrace empowerment as your very own superhero in the making.

9. Give Grief The Space It Deserves

It’s okay to grieve; it’s part of healing.

It might hit you 2 hours after you sign the papers, 2 weeks later or both.

Just in case, it hits same day – you might want to take off of work. Trying to lead a meeting, present a new idea or provide constructive feedback to a team member the day your divorce is final could be a recipe for disaster.

Don’t suppress the feelings – give them the space they deserve.

The divorce truth that most don’t share with us is that doing so may allow you to heal faster.

Remember, you’re not alone, seriously!

Relying on friends and family provides emotional grounding.

Therapists often encourage building a supportive network that uplifts and guides during tough times.

A strong support system not only stabilizes but also accelerates the recovery process. Consider it your emotional shock absorber.

10. Hard Truth About Divorce: Forgiveness is for You, Not Them

The ultimate irony? Forgiveness liberates you, not your ex. It lightens your emotional load, according to therapists.

Instead of harboring resentment, think of forgiveness as a freeing gift to yourself, bringing peace amid the turmoil.

With forgiveness, you pave not just a smoother path for your future, but a more joyous one too.

11. Financial Engagement: Your New Best Friend

You’re the CFO now.

Bills, assets, and accountability—oh my! You need to know your assets and debts inside-out, pre & post divorce.

Getting financially savvy not only avoids future conflicts but also sets you free to confidently plan the next big chapter of your life.

You don’t have to manage your money the way you did as a married couple. Learn new ways!

12. Therapy Isn’t a Taboo, It’s a Tool

Shaking off the stigma around therapy is more crucial than ever.

Therapy provides essential tools for dealing with the seismic shifts divorce brings, like a personal life coach dedicated to helping you find balance.

It’s an investment in your future self—sometimes, the best lessons come with just a bit of vulnerability and openness.

Take FIIRM Action to Get Through Your Divorce

Divorce can be the ultimate catalyst for reinvention.

But first – reflection. Reflection allows you to learn from mistakes, forgive past madness, and pursue a brighter future.

Reflect on these insights, apply what resonates and chart your own path with courage and grace.

Don’t suppress anything. Be patient with yourself.

Think about the ocean. It’s vast and hard to really picture how big it is.

It’s also hard to imagine how you’re going to manage all the emotions you’re going to feel.

As the proverb goes, tears water the flowers of the future. Let yourself feel the feels.

Instead of suppressing pain or pushing it aside, giving it room helps to truly let go when the time comes.

Let the ocean fill up with your emotions. Just hold off on the pollutants though. 😉

Check out our Divorce Support Pack to support you on your path to surviving your divorce.

15 Ways to Secretly Prepare for Divorce With Confidence

Mar 8, 2025

15 Ways to Secretly Prepare for Divorce

There are three typical scenarios on the edge of your marriage ending.

You’re the person initiating it. You’ve decided the marriage is over.
You’re blindsided. Maybe the topic has come up occasionally, but you’re stunned that your partner is done.
You jointly decide that the marriage is over.

This FIIRM Hero blog post will help you figure out how to secretly prepare for divorce confidently under any of those three scenarios. As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®), I understand the importance of preparing for emotional turbulence, financial uncertainty, and unpredictable outcomes.

It’s a delicate balancing act to ensure you don’t lose yourself in the process, have an outlet for your emotions, have people you can rely on, and most importantly, your sanity remains intact.

withered flower depicting divorce

Under all of these scenarios, you could have a very amicable divorce, a very contentious divorce, or anything in between.

6-8 min read: Looking for the audio summary of this blog post – sign up for the FIIRM Hero Private Podcast to HEAR what this post is all about when you don’t have time to read it.

1. Recognize the Signs That Your Marriage Is in Trouble

Preparation and awareness go hand in hand. If you’re reading this blog post, you may already know the signs that your relationship is in trouble. Maybe it’s constant drag out fights or just simple irreconcilable differences.

However, if you’re still trying to evaluate the situation, you may find it helpful to read “Real Warning Signs That Your Relationship is in Trouble.” This post discusses warning signs that you might be ignoring. Plus it includes verbatim accounts of the tipping point from everyday divorcees. It also covers a few tips if you think your relationship is salvageable.

couple fighting due to trouble in their marriage

2. Break Free from Validation Echoes

When you’re about to make a big decision, seeking validation or approval is normal.

It can help to recognize when you’re trapped in a cycle of seeking validation. Notice patterns in your behavior—do you frequently ask the same people for reassurance?

Remember, while seeking advice or reassurance is helpful, it’s problematic when it hinders your ability to trust yourself. Set mental boundaries to help you recognize when it’s time to rely on your judgment.

Plus, if the news blindsides you, very few outside opinions can help you find the “answers” you’re looking for.

3. Gather Important Documents to Secretly Prepare for Divorce

FIIRM Approach clients usually fall into two categories:

They are confident they know where all of their important documents are stored
It’s been years since they’ve seen the essential documents, but they know they’re in the house somewhere

Where do you fall?

If you’re preparing for divorce in secret, make sure that you have originals and copies of all critical documents because it’s likely that you’ll need them at some point. This includes:

Social Security cards
- Replacement social security cards can be ordered online
Birth certificates
- Your state’s vital records office can provide a replacement
Marriage license
- - Your state’s vital records office can provide a copy

documents to secretly prepare for a divorce

Estate documents (including trust documents)
Adoption or Guardianship papers
Life Insurance policies (digital copies are acceptable)
Previous divorce decrees
Military Paperwork
Your Financial Inventory

4. Knowing Your Worth

It is vital to clearly understand the financial landscape, including all assets, liabilities, income streams, and expenses.

Equally important is to gather all financial documents early on—bank statements, tax returns, investment accounts, property deeds—everything. You need a full scope of your financial situation to move forward strategically.

Consider creating a ‘divorce readiness’ folder to organize critical financial documents. Divorce forces you to untangle and divide assets that have been interwoven during marriage.

Secretly Prepare for Divorce with confidence

Do you understand the differences between marital property and separate property? Which parts might be subject to division and what might not?

The simple answer is that marital property was acquired during the marriage. Separate property was acquired before the marriage, after separation, inherited, or gifted. Separate property, for obvious reasons, can get tricky.

You might need a financial advisor to understand and assess the current valuation and future implications.

While everyone focuses on who gets the house, car, and vacation home, don’t overlook the debts.

Of course, these must be divided, too, whether it’s mortgages, credit card balances, or personal loans.

No one wants to shoulder all the debt while their ex walks away with the lion’s share of assets. Do everything you can upfront to ensure a fair division of marital property and debt.

Because of all this, it’s also important to understand your post-divorce financial standing.

5. Think Beyond the Split to Build Your Financial Independence

Is your financial security going to be threatened after your divorce?

Will your income be enough to cover your expenses?

Emergency fund – big enough?

Credit score – high enough?

If not, then secretly preparing for divorce gives you time to change this.

Divorce is a significant life shift but also an opportunity to reset.

This includes revisiting or setting up a new budget, reevaluating your financial goals, and retraining to maximize career opportunities.

Take control of our finances by becoming more financially engaged pre- and post-divorce. Your long-term financial health is key and isn’t just number crunching. Some of the decisions you will need to make require serious mental fortitude.

Moreover, emotional readiness is just as pivotal. It’s about coming out stronger, wiser, and financially secure on the other side.

6. Prioritize Emotional Well-being When Preparing for Divorce

Divorce is not the time to pick up habits that won’t benefit you during the divorce process.

While the whole bottle of wine may be comforting, you should prioritize sleep, proper nutrition, and exercise to help you maintain mental peace.

You can make these changes without telling anyone why.

7. Build a Support System

Now, if you’re preparing secretly and don’t want to tell the world about then discretion is your friend. Determine which trusted friends or family you can share the information with when ready. Establish boundaries with your support system so they know what to expect with communication, information sharing, and the things you don’t want to share.

Download our Divorce Support Pack to help you figure out what to say to your support system.

8. Quietly Educate Yourself on Divorce Laws

Divorce laws are determined by the state & country you live in. Each locale has different regulations, and knowing them can protect your rights. Some states follow equitable distribution, while others adhere to community property laws. Understanding these distinctions, and what applies in your state, will prevent unnecessary surprises.

Asset Division: Fair Doesn’t Mean Equal

At the core of divorce financials lies the division of assets. In divorce, “fair” doesn’t necessarily mean “equal.” States have different asset division laws, typically under “community property” or “equitable distribution.”

Do your homework so you are prepared for what to expect.

divorce laws

Community Property: States like Arizona and California are community property states, which means the split of marital property and debts acquired during the marriage is split 50/50.

Equitable Distribution: Most states fall into this category, in which assets are divided in a manner that’s considered fair but not necessarily equal.

9. What Custody Arrangements Will Work For You?

If you have children, consider the best custody arrangements for them. Write down your nice-to-have items and plan to preemptively discuss ideas with your spouse to find common ground when it makes sense. As you prepare, evaluate various options that could work for your family.

10. Protect Your Online Presence

The internet is a frenemy, and most of us have some online presence. Review your social media settings and be cautious about what you share leading up to & during your divorce. You may need to change your settings from public to private or block some unfriendly “followers.”

Whenever you can, go the extra mile to protect yourself from unwanted scrutiny or drama.

11. Seek Professional Guidance: When It Makes Sense

Early consultation with a legal expert can provide insights into divorce, legal rights, and obligations. Likewise, speaking with a therapist can help process emotions constructively.

However, don’t run up your divorce bill prematurely.

A word of caution: Attorneys play a key role in the divorce process, but sometimes, we call them too soon.

A sound divorce attorney is a God send when engaged at the right time. They can help make the legal process less stressful, protect your interests, and help negotiate terms in your best interest.

12. Update Personal Information Strategically

Consider quietly reviewing & updating personal records and information.

Update email addresses. Freeze your credit and ensure everything is free of errors.

Discreetly separate joint accounts or organize private communication with selected people if necessary.

13. Preparing for Change & New Opportunities

Divorce is life-altering. No doubt about it.

Embrace the change while grieving the loss of your marriage. Volunteer with organizations you are passionate about. Travel alone to new cities or old favorites.

Dine alone or hang out with girlfriends you rarely had time for.

14. Plan for Housing Adjustments

Whether staying put or moving, consider the logistics of your living situation.

Being proactive about housing decisions can make significant changes smoother when the time arrives.

Staying in the house may make perfect sense, but don’t rule out moving and making new memories.

15. Trust Your Journey

If you can check off as many items on the list as possible, you will confidently trust your decisions and ability to navigate difficult situations.

Taking FIIRM action on any of these steps can help lead you to a brighter future.

Real Warning Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Mar 1, 2025

Real warning sign your marriage is in trouble

Real Warning Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Published February 20, 2025

Disclosure: This blog post may contain affiliate links, meaning we may be sent a monetary reward if you purchase an item after clicking on the links. The reward does not impact what we choose to recommend.

Perfect relationships don’t exist. For those who have figured out how to navigate to the marriage mountaintop, we know the harder part is staying there.

Real Warning Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Have you ever looked at a friend’s marriage and wondered “why they got married?”

Speculated how many years it would last?

Sometimes it feels like we know more about celebrity marriages than those closest to us.

Especially since we have access to stories about their demise, and often, based on the headlines, we can see the signs a relationship is in trouble.

However, we rarely know the tipping point or the red flags that pushed these marriages to the literal finish line.

This blog post can help you recognize the warning signs that your relationship might be in trouble.

Warning Signs Your Relationship Might Be in Trouble

Do you have relationship problems that can be solved?

Is your situation so dysfunctional that you’re starting to think it’s best to part ways?

Either way, pay attention to the warning signs.

Can the relationship be saved?

When researching this blog post, I knew real-life experiences/stories from everyday divorcees would serve you better. Some people were married for a long time, and others had shorter relationships.

Their identities are not disclosed to protect their privacy; the details, however, are verbatim accounts. Similar to real life, there are several different reasons that people’s relationships end.

Trigger Warning: Some personal stories are raw, and while not intended to upset you or cause you to relive personal trauma, they may be triggering depending on your situation. Please proceed cautiously and stop reading if the post stirs up too many negative emotions.

These personal stories are provided so that you know you are not alone if you are in an unhealthy relationship or marriage. The FIIRM Approach primarily supports female breadwinners, but this post includes personal experiences from men and women.

You might relate to an underlying issue in your marriage.

You may even realize that you need to check your own behavior.

Some relationships can be saved, and some can’t. Maybe you already know the answer about yours.

If your goal is to try to save your relationship, I highly recommend checking out the book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

Red paper heart ripped in half on dark background. Broken heart separation concept

2 Real-life experiences – Signs a Relationship is in Trouble:

“My divorce was somewhat unexpected. He just told me he wanted a divorce and soon after moved out. At the time, things weren’t great, but I didn’t see a divorce. But deep down, I didn’t see a future with us being together”

“Let me start by saying I should have known better than to marry him. He was very possessive, which I mistaken for love. I knew it was over when he became very indifferent to me. Exactly 7 years! I knew he was cheating… I called him on it and he admitted it. We got back together, built a new house, and he cheated again, ugh…the tipping was him using MY credit card to take her to a concert and dinner. Bottom line, he did me a big favor; had I not known bad, I wouldn’t know good.”

Download our Divorce Support Pack to get started on finding the right resources to help you.

Are changes in behaviors a sign that your relationship is in trouble?

Of course, depending on the changes in behavior, it can be a sign that your relationship or marriage is in trouble. The range is extensive, but a few examples of unhealthy behaviors include:

emotional distance,
sneaky behavior,
infidelity,
problems with vices (e.g., gambling or addiction),
constant dishonesty,
physical, emotional abuse, etc.

A good romantic relationship or marriage includes honest communication, emotional support, a deep level of intimacy, and trust.

When your partnership lacks these things and starts to feel like a scene from “What’s Love Got to do With It”, it’s a sign of a deeper issue. Tackle it head-on, if your goal is to preserve the relationship.

4 Real-life experiences – When Behavior Changes Signal Relationship Trouble:

“ A younger girl that we both worked with started calling our house regularly to speak to my husband. I knew the marriage was in trouble, but I knew it was over when he moved into the young lady’s college dorm room in another state, and tried to lie about it. I couldn’t reach him, but eventually, I got her dorm phone number and left a message for him to call me. No surprise, he got the message and called me back” 😐

“ I knew that it was going to end in divorce when he started out to shoot pool at night, and he would come home at two or three in the morning. Then he would go to the grocery store to get some cereal and come back home 3 hours later with some grapes! 😈 We married about a week before our son was born, and we divorced when he was about 4 years old.”

“I had been avoiding the inevitable for years. The tipping point was him telling me he was attending the side chick’s son’s funeral when he supposedly hated funerals, and he hadn’t gone to one in the 18 years we were together.” 😐

“My husband was stationed in another state and moved in with [a woman] and her boyfriend at the time because he was friends with the boyfriend. The boyfriend moved out, and my husband stayed. When he told me about it, I told him to move out, and he said he was going to stay and help her because she had a child. The child was not the ex-boyfriend, and that is when I said to myself that we were done. A few months later, he called and said he moved out so we could get a place together, but I was already done with him. I knew he cheated with her, and I didn’t want him.” (He later married the woman)

How does a lack of communication impact marriage?

Those married for a long time or in a long-term relationship, have heard this saying:

“the foundation of a healthy relationship is good, open communication”

I think this is very true.

There’s a direct correlation between communication issues and relationship issues. Silent treatments or the inability to communicate effectively, it is a clear sign of trouble.

Communication Issues Could Be a Sign That Your Relationship is in Trouble – A real-life experience to learn from:

“I confronted my wife about the fact that my stepdaughter would not speak when spoken to nor initiate speaking when I arrived home. I asked her if she would talk to her about it, and my wife told me to address it with my stepdaughter, who was in 3rd or 4th grade at the time. My mother-in-law told my wife it was her job…she took a pass. I knew then the marriage had a finite timeline. The child’s disrespect ultimately cost her parents dearly, remained a source of contention in our marriage, and helped accelerate our demise.”

Can Communication Issues Be Solved?

The key to resolving communication issues starts with intention and fast action – Surprise, Surprise.

When you allow things to simmer for too long it is easy to build deep seated resentment.

That’s when it’s harder to come back from.

Communicating honestly but with kindness, as much as humanly possible, is key.

marriage counseling

Here are a couple of simple relationship communication tips:

Ask for permission to discuss hard things and ensure the timing is right. Address issues when there are no distractions, and the environment is conducive. This could distinguish between a cordial conversation and WWIII in your house. If your partner doesn’t want to discuss something in the moment, forcing the conversation could be a bad idea. However, if they never want to discuss hard things – that’s usually a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.
Try to frame negative statements with ‘we’ instead of ‘you.’ For example, “I know we are having an issue with _____. Let’s discuss how we can solve it together”.
As my Uncle Larry would say, pause and collect your thoughts. The art of the pause is powerful. Moments of silence are different than silent treatments. Give your brain a chance to process what was said, ask for clarification (when needed), and then respond with something you won’t regret.

This book breaks down communication issues on level I’ve rarely seen so it might be worth checking out if you’re trying to save the relationship – Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

But, if your intention is ripping their heart out and stomping on it – you do you – feel free to ignore the tips above.

Is there a connection between money & marital bliss?

As a financial professional, I could not write this blog post about signs that your marriage is in trouble without discussing money.

Money continues to be one of the major stressors of all humans regardless of marital status, and it’s definitely an underlying issue of divorce.

Here are a few financial signs that mean your relationship is in trouble:

Arguments about small expenses. Little things can turn into big things quickly. Unless your family is severely cash strapped, arguments about $5 here and $10 there is annoying. But it’s often a sign of a larger issue.
Clashing money personalities. It’s okay to have different ways of doing things. Still, you should move toward the same goal when you’re in a romantic relationship. A lack of shared vision or unified planning is problematic.
Money used as a power move – Salaries should not be used as a weapon against you. A marriage should include financial transparency and respect regardless of the amount of financial contribution. Money spent frivolously on other people or things is a sign of trouble.

2 Real-life experiences to learn from related to money and control:

“My first husband was not bringing home money, and I had to hunt him down on paydays. Constantly cheating – the final straw was when his girlfriend called my house with information on their engagement. My second husband was too mean and controlling. I cannot be controlled.”

“I suspected he had a serious mental health condition after our first child was born because he wanted to control me by not letting me work and controlling all the money. When I did get a little part-time job waitressing, he came in and caused a commotion and got me fired. When I was pregnant with our second child, and he threw me on the ground and choked me. I knew I had to go then for sure. He also told me he would drug me when I didn’t know it and get me committed to a mental institution so that he could get the kids. 😮

That’s when I promised myself I would go back to school so I could support my kids after the divorce, and I did. Luckily, my father paid for school, and my aunt babysat some so I could go back to school part-time. He went to federal prison. That’s when I divorced him and finished school because I knew he couldn’t retaliate while in prison. I stayed 3 1/2 years after the choking incident so I could be financially able to take care of us. If there’s one thing I would have done very differently, I would have gotten out sooner because the kids would not have had the attachment they had.”

Is Money Keeping You Stuck in a Sucky Relationship?

If financial issues keep you from progressing as a couple, here’s a tip that may help.

Align your goals—There should be room for ‘me’ and ‘we’ goals. ‘Me goals should support, not counteract, ‘we goals’. Address unhealthy behaviors that prevent you from reaching your financial dreams as a team.

However, if your financial issues are part of a deeper problem and are keeping you stuck in the relationship that you want to get out of, here’s a different tip for you.

Take Your Power Back—If your partner is hiding financial information, controlling how you spend money, and holding you financially hostage, formulate a game plan to regain your financial power.

Does it feel like your partner has checked out of the relationship?

The reality is that most people don’t check out of relationships overnight – especially marriages. When date nights become infrequent, or you just aren’t spending quality time together like you used to, it could be a sign of trouble.

Maybe there’s a good reason, and this is a “seasonal” issue. Still, you and I both know your partner’s needs (or yours) can’t go unmet for long periods without it leading to bigger problems. A lack of physical intimacy is a silent treatment louder than words.

What about when you find yourself having negative feelings a little too often? If you cringe when you see their face, hear their name, or feel their touch, it’s a good reason to be worried.

3 Real-life experiences – Emotional Distance and Indifference = Checking Out:

“I knew the moment I officially moved out. I was firm that if he let me leave, I was never coming back. He let me leave – ain’t nobody got time for that. We even messed around a bit after I moved out, but there was no reconciling at that point.”

“I did not look at her as my prize. She was just another woman. Had no desire or energy to work on the faults. In my mind, if I saw her in a romantic setting with another man, I would not be upset. 💡 That’s when I knew it was over.”

“At counseling, the therapist suggested to her that four years of breastfeeding might be a way of avoiding intimacy with me. Her response was – “I have no intentions of quitting breastfeeding to get intimate with him.” End of session. End of marriage.”

How to Reconnect Using Love Languages

Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts has some relationship gurus in a choke hold. While Mr. Chapman was not a relationship guru or licensed therapist (he was a church marriage counselor and pastor), I think his theories on love languages make sense in the most basic way possible.

You and your partner may have different primary needs, and it’s mutually beneficial if you understand them.

Do you remember your partner’s love language?

Do you know your own?

If you haven’t completely given up on your relationship yet, it’s essential to recognize that love languages can change.

So, the first thing to do is to make sure that you and your partner understand each other’s current love language. Then, use that information to work through your relationship problems in a healthy way.

Try this as a baby step to improve your relationship: Facilitate discussions based on each other’s love language. For example, if your partner loves physical touch, have a deep talk while holding hands or cuddling because physical touch lowers stress by releasing oxytocin.

Lowered stress may equate to lower defenses or attacks, making your conversations more productive.

This could be the breakthrough you need to START to work through in terms of communication issues, intimacy issues, and other relationship problems.

To be clear, implementing this strategy will still require lots of patience and work.

I’m not naïve enough to suggest that “all you need to do is hold hands”

When the relationship can’t be saved

The reality is that every relationship can’t be saved. However, when your and your partner’s attempts to save it are well aligned, it can result in a healthier, more committed relationship. This blog post has uncovered various signs that your relationship might be in trouble.

Your final hat trick may be expert relationship intervention through couples therapy, marriage counseling, or divorce lawyers, and there is no shame in that.

I’m sure you gave it your best shot, and I want you to be prepared for the next phase.