Sharing Our Mental Health Stories (Part 1)

Sharing Our Mental Health Stories (Part 1)

Sharing Our Mental Health Stories (Part 1)

Sharing Our Mental Health Stories (Part 1)

 

 

Introduction: Who can you turn to when you need help with grownup problems?

Conversations about mental health are necessary in today’s world due to the pressures of parenthood, marriage, work demands, and balancing life, love, and self-care.

Tune in to listen to the personal stories, journeys, and perspectives of women who sought the help of a mental health professional to help them on life’s journey. 

As you listen, I kindly ask you to extend grace to “general” statements and personal experience perspectives, as they are not intended to be all-encompassing of everyone’s situation. It takes courage to publicly share your personal story, and we honor that courage at The FIIRM Approach. 

 

Guests: 

Kemberlil Stephenson is a proud Gen X’er, residing in Raleigh, North Carolina, and founder and CEO of Spark, Hustle, Flow. She prides herself on her natural integration skills and can be found hanging out on Facebook & IG @SparkHustleFlow. You can also learn more by visiting her website @ www.SparkHustleFlow.com.

Tasha Booth is the founder and CEO of The Launch Guild. She is a military spouse residing in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and is a proud extrovert. She is a lover of musicals and theater and can be found hanging out on IG @thetashabooth and @thelaunchguild. You can also learn more by visiting her website @ https://thelaunchguild.com/

 

 

 

 

 

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

Your Bedroom Can Be Your Sanctuary

Your Bedroom Can Be Your Sanctuary

Make Your Bedroom Your Sanctuary

Your Bedroom Can Be Your Sanctuary

Your Bedroom Can Be Your Sanctuary

 

 

“When you just need to get away… but can’t”

You need a place for comfort, peace, and solace in your own house. Your bedroom can be that sanctuary for you.

I recently had the pleasure of chatting with Lisa Davis about this very thing, and how she helps busy women like you get the peace you need.

Tune in if you’ve been thinking about a bedroom refresh because of a major change in your life, or just because you deserve it!

Connect with Lisa Davis by visiting her website Syfrin Interior Design or following her on Instagram @syfrin_interior_design

 

 

 
Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

Lessons From My New Home Journey

Lessons From My New Home Journey

Lessons From My New Home Journey

Lessons From My New Home Journey

COVID-19.

 

🙄🙄🙄

I’m certain you’ve heard of it, and, depending on when you’re reading this, you’re living through it… unfortunately. 

Because of COVID, the real estate market was coo-coo crazy in 2020 when I sold my house, I received over 30 offers! 

A seller’s dream!

However, I wasn’t quite sure if and when I wanted to be a home-owner again, so renting was my choice for a while.

But because of COVID restrictions, I had it up to the max with being contained in my condo, plus, racing my teenager to the living room in the morning was getting old. 

I wanted a bit more space, a little more privacy, but I also didn’t want to give up my moderately priced, maintenance-free place. 

1st world problems, I know. 

After lots of considering and reconsidering, I decided not only to buy a house again, but to get a new home – new, new though. 😏

Honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to compete with 20 or 30 people on a resale crib, so I picked a home that wasn’t just new to me, it was new to the world – aka a new construction.

I’m writing this post to share with you my experiences from this very recent journey, but especially to help women like me – doing it alone. 

While the FIIRM Approach focuses on helping women prepare their finances for divorce, I recognize there are non-financial pieces that matter while you’re on your journey. 

This purchase brought out a lot of different experiences and emotions, some that I had never been through before. 

Yea, I’ve owned a home before, but this was interestingly different. 

The process involved A LOT of decisions to make because my house was semi-custom. 

That made things exciting, fun, scary, and emotionally exhausting. 🥺 Sometimes all of those feelings happened in one day. 

Ohh and let’s not forget pricey! 

Plus, I knew my DIY skills were wack!

I wasn’t handy with my first house and my husband did most of the work. 

Then all the normal fears came along. 

Can I really afford this? 

What if I lose my income? 

What if my health fails and I can’t work? 

What if it’s too much for me to handle?

For the most part, these thoughts are SUPER normal, and thankfully I didn’t let them stop me from moving forward. 

As a hard-working badass woman, that’s more than half the battle!

Anyway, I closed about 90 days ago, and so far, I don’t want to sell it and move back to my condo…lbks. 

In no particular order, here are MY top 8 lessons worthy of sharing when you’re on your new (new-to-you) home journey. 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

Download our Ultimate financial resource guide to get started on finding the right resources to work on your financial game plan or share this with someone who may need it.

 

 

 
 

 

1. Acknowledge the fears & then shut the front door on them

The fears are going to show up on your doorstep, ring the bell, and wait patiently for you to decide what to do.

You’re going to send them away and they’ll be back again.

Rude, right!

Regardless, they are just doing their job, which means we have to do ours.

Send the fears away over and over again, I don’t care how many times they come back.

During my “WTF was I thinking” moments, thankfully I had people I trusted to talk me off the ledge and here we are.

Give your family & friends permission to help you send the fears away during this journey.

 

2. Invest in an interior designer for your new home

Listen, I know my favorite colors. You probably do, too!

I know my design style. I’m a transitional girl – which is a mix between traditional and modern.

I definitely knew my budget. (duh… lol)

But, bringing it all together is a totally different story!

Therefore I knew I couldn’t afford NOT to hire help in this area.

I researched house photos on Pinterest, HOUZZ, and Instagram.

I don’t fully understand concepts around design, mixing patterns, colors, and textures, and I tend to be a bit of a scary cat trying new design things.

Considering my favorite colors are black, gray, and navy blue 🤣🤣  I figured I needed help, STAT.

But wait… First, let me start off by being completely honest with you.

I had NO idea how much it cost to hire an interior designer.

I did what my “Type A self” normally does and learned very quickly.

To my surprise, I learned that interior designers can cost you as little as a couple of thousand dollars, or as much as $10,000 in just fees, depending on the size and scope of your project.

So nope, it’s not cheap, it’s definitely an investment, however, many have flexible packages and you don’t have to hire them to design the entire house (see our next blog post).

I think it’s worth it to at least consult with the designers because today a lot of it is virtual, and you can even get renderings, mood boards, and have virtual design sessions.

There are even some that will design just one room!

Syfrin Interior Design is a great example – they offer a 5 Step Guide to help you turn your master bedroom into your personal sanctuary! I truly believe women deserve to have this, especially when you have kids that take over the rest of the house! (Future blog post coming about this concept)

Personally, I had the pleasure of working with McCall at Interiors by McCall for my master bedroom, bonus room, great room, and master bathroom in my new home.

McCall lived in Spain at the time, and was AMAZING to work with virtually! She was great at incorporating my existing furniture into the new home, which helped me SAVE money. Look her up on Instagram or her website!

My “Master Bedroom” design by Interiors by McCall

My “Dining area” design by Interiors by McCall

My conclusion: They can be worth their weight in gold, especially if they’re experienced and align with your sense of style!!

 

3. Be strategic with your upgrades

 

Structural, electrical, and plumbing upgrades can be totally worth it.

I made a lot of decisions around the layout of the house that I just did not want to give up on, and I knew “doing it later” would be as expensive, if not more.

I upgraded outlets, canned lights, insulation material, and even showerheads and faucets (partially at the suggestion of interior designers)!

I even strongly considered not adding an outside irrigation system.

And then I thought again when I pictured myself manually moving around the sprinkler 10 times a day to keep the new sod from dying!

Foolish!

I don’t have ACRES but my thumb is brown for a reason… lol.

And some of this may sound silly or frivolous to you, but the peace of mind that I have from making those upgrades was totally worth it, especially as a single woman.

Why?

Because my house is not my life or my idea of a hobby. I want to entertain in it, find peace in it, and be comfortable. I’d rather not think of it as a part-time job or the project of minimalism for the next 10 years!

If you disagree, cool. I respect your superpowers and/or your budget!

However, I’m happy I made the choice to do a lot of the upgrades on the front end.

When it’s your turn and you’re considering an upgrade, ask yourself, “Will it cost me more to do it later?” “Will I ACTUALLY do it later?”

 

4. You Truly Save Money When You’re Organized

 

There’s a LOT of follow-ups with new construction or major home renovations.

A nauseating amount, actually.

While you may have most things in writing, it’s normal to have verbal conversations about plans, intentions, or changes.

Unfortunately, some of those details are either just genuinely forgotten about, or lost in translation.

If you’re organized and have a very strong sense of what you want, what it should look like, and where things should go, you can spot errors quickly and alert someone before it’s too late or expensive to change.

Google Drives, follow-up emails, or spreadsheets are your friends. It will keep you from going crazy during the process and likely save you money and time!

 

5. Don’t freak out (too much)

 

Speaking of going crazy…

That takes me to my next lesson.

I had a bit of a freak out/meltdown moment.

Actually, it wasn’t a small moment, it was HUGE!

Apparently, when a house is being framed, be aware that it may look much smaller than you thought it would.

MUCH smaller!!

So once my house was framed, I walked through, took a look around, and I was FREAKING OUT!

Maybe it’s an optical illusion or maybe your eyes can’t really grasp the scale of the home, but it looked super tiny. It looked so small, I didn’t even want the house anymore.

Crazy, I know.

Now that it’s finished, I feel much better, but I actually looked it up and learned that it’s a real thing, not just a Nikki thing.

There were other things that freaked me out too, but ultimately I either spoke up or decided I could live with “it”.

 

6. Paint is still a lifesaver

 

You can paint almost anything.

Obvious, I know, but I think I forgot about this.

If there was an award for the least handy person on the planet – I’d win it!

I had existing furniture that functionally could be used again, but it was the wrong color.

My son and I had an interesting time spray painting & painting lots of stuff, just to try it out. I have to admit it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I didn’t have to spend any money on new pieces, and if I ended up hating the new color, then my loss would just be a few dollars and a little bit of time.

So before you throw something away, maybe ask yourself, can it be painted or spray painted?

I know I literally saved THOUSANDS doing this.

 

7. Build your home maintenance team EARLY

 

Do the research to find a great handyman, a great electrician, a plumber, and a carpenter, and make them a part of your team for your house ASAP.

I can promise you, whether it’s a brand new house or a 50-year-old classic, you’re going to need them – probably sooner than you think.

Generally, when you’re building a new home, most of the items in the home are under warranty for about 6 to 12 months, give or take, however, there’s still going to be things that go wrong.

TRUST ME!

Use Yelp, Angie’s list, or sites like handy.com. Ask friends for referrals. Ask some of the builder’s subcontractors: usually they know people or can recommend quality workers to find someone who you can trust and who won’t take advantage of you.

Sometimes it comes down to budget or a desire to DIY, but if you are anything like me, you will save a lot of time and frustrations by hiring out.

 

8. Split up your move into your new home

 

Our move was unique and it was done in three different stages, because we had boxes & furniture in multiple places.

However, if you can move in before you actually “move-in”, I highly recommend it.

Move #1 – things that could go over in my car or a small UHaul that I rented. These are items that either I didn’t want to risk putting on the truck or would make the big move longer.

Move #2 – Almost all the boxes.

Move #3 – Big furniture and remaining boxes.

I cannot tell you how helpful it was with the help of family, friends, and even a professional organizer to get my house practically unpacked – or, at least, in their proper room before we physically moved in and started sleeping in the home.

Tanya Thomas at Everything Has Its Place was a Godsend. Her team had my pantry, cabinets, office, and other areas organized BEFORE we even moved in. Plus, she’s a professional stager, which is a fantastic combination in an organizer!

A few people thought it was crazy to do so many moves, but it was one of the best decisions I ever made because it made the transition into the house much more seamless.

So 60 days later, we had one room left to decorate, but everything else was basically done.

Living out of boxes just aint my thing, but I realized that’s a “nice to have” situation, HOWEVER it is doable.

Professional organizers can range from $50- $125 an hour and you might be able to book someone for as little as 2 hours. If you need someone to just support your efforts and not be certified, then you might be able to find someone for as little as $25 an hour.

I get it – cost is relative.

Either way, please, please, plan accordingly, so you can get settled into your home as quickly as you’d like.

 

The Financial Tips

 

I hope you got something useful out of the lessons and tips above.

My FIIRM Hero community received the audio version of this newsletter plus 2 extra tips – related to the financial side. Join the FIIRM Hero Community to gain financial tips, resources, and information helpful to hard-working women like you.

Grab your copy of the Ultimate Financial Resource Guide and get access to financial tips, divorce information (only if needed), and other resources!

 

 

 

 
Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

Love: Reason, Season or Lifetime V1.4

Love: Reason, Season or Lifetime V1.4

Love: Reason, Season or Lifetime V1.4

AReal Life Divorce Story w/ Sade Curry

 

 

Introduction: Have you ever heard the phrase, some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? While I didn’t create the phrase, it makes perfect sense to me. A divorce doesn’t make you a failure or a quitter. It’s quite the opposite, in most cases. These “love” stories will focus on the courage, lessons, & perspectives of everyday women (and some celebrities), to help you on your journey. Join me while we get in their business a bit.

Guest: Sade Curry is a proud member of Gen X residing in Saint Louis, MO, and is focused on her family and helping divorced women date and get happily married again. She prides herself on her confidence and can be found hanging out on the Dating After Divorce Podcast (on all podcast platforms and Instagram @sadecurry).

Dating after Divorce is a podcast for divorced women that explores the divorce journey and teaches real strategies for fully recovering from a divorce, rebuilding your life, dating, and getting happily married again.

Share YOUR real divorce story with us.

 

 

 

Get the insights you need to save time, money and stress during your divorce journey with our digital resource Silent Preparation Series. The Silent Preparation Series was designed for working women who want help strategically planning for divorce.

Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

The Events That Suck The Life Out of You & Your Money

The Events That Suck The Life Out of You & Your Money

The Events that Suck the Life Out of You and Your Money

The Events That Suck The Life Out of You & Your Money

What Are Life Events

 

There are life events that we look forward to and some that we dread. Unfortunately, they can cost us a pretty penny – in time, money, or both!

Some are beautiful milestones 😍👩‍🎓🤰👰

Some are tragic transitions 😔

I think the lines are blurred for milestones and transitions, but generally I view milestones as new moments, temporary in nature, while transitions may be new chapters or events with more permanence. 

A trip to Bali for the first time is a milestone. 

A move to Bali is a transition.

Sometimes it’s a little bit of both – like a wedding/marriage – but for the purposes of this post, we’ll just call them life events!

In many cases, when the life event is beautiful, we are caught up in the planning or pomp & circumstance of it all. 

When the event is more traumatic or dramatic, we are managing a sea of emotions like despair, sadness, or disappointment. 

What gets lost is that often these events present opportunities to update or review our financial affairs. 

I don’t want you or your family to suffer negative repercussions if you don’t take advantage of these opportunities, so allow me to highlight them and the action that may be necessary.  

Plus, you might already be ahead of the game and you can share this post with someone who really needs it. 😉

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

Download our Ultimate financial resource guide to get started on finding the right resources to work on your financial game plan or share this with someone who may need it.

 

 

 
 

 

Our Most Common Life Events

 

Below you will find the most common life events and the key financial related questions to ask yourself as you experience these things. 

 

Child Birth or Adoption

  1. Do you need to update health, life, or property insurance information?
  2. Do you plan on opening a College Savings Fund or new savings account?
  3. Do you need to create or update estate documents?
  4. Do you need to increase your contributions to HSA, Flex, or Dependent Care?
  5. Do you need to adjust your withholdings for your paycheck?

 

Marriage, Separation, Divorce

  1. Do you need to contact your tax specialist?
  2. Do you need to adjust your withholdings for your paycheck?
  3. Do you need to update health, life, or property insurance information?
  4. Do you need to create or update estate documents?
  5. Do you need to add or remove names/signers from accounts?
  6. Do you need to update POA or POD on bank accounts?
  7. Do you need to open or close credit card accounts?
  8. Do you need to lock your credit profile?
  9. Do you need to save for a major purchase?
  10. Have you pulled your credit to ensure your name was removed from the appropriate debt/creditor accounts?

 

Employment Changes/Retirement

  1. Do you need to contact the social security administration?
  2. Do you need to contact your tax specialist?
  3. Do you need to update income information with credit card companies?
  4. Do you need to reduce the amount of life insurance you have?
  5. Do you need to transfer a retirement account?
  6. Do you need to change your contributions to your retirement account?

 

Aging Family Member or Family Member with Terminal Illness

  1. Do you know where their estate documents are located?
  2. Do you have authority to make financial decisions?
  3. Do they have long term care insurance?
  4. Do you need to purchase a larger home or move them closer?
  5. Are you aware of repairs necessary on their home?
  6. Do you understand their financial profile?
  7. Do they have adequate life or burial insurance?

 

Child Graduation/Move Out

  1. Do you need to reduce the amount of life insurance you have?
  2. Do you need to update health or property insurance information?
  3. Do you need to downsize your car or home?
  4. Do you need to create or update estate documents?
  5. Do you need to change cable, cell phone, or WI-FI plans?
  6. Do you need to remove them from bank accounts?
  7. Do you need to change your retirement savings strategy?

 

Tackle these questions bit by bit and don’t be afraid to utilize expert help when needed. Our Ultimate Financial Resource Guide can help with some of these questions as you look for tools and resources. 

Patience & Progress! 😉😉

 

 

 
Nikki Tucker

Nikki Tucker

Founder & Managing Director

 

Nikki is a 16-year financial services professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst ®, and the primary divorce financial strategist for The FIIRM Approach. She helps female breadwinners prepare for divorce to avoid common financial mistakes and confidently maintain their financial security. She uses proven strategies within the FIIRM Approach methodology so her clients can manage their money, debt, and credit in their new financial life. TAKE ACTION & LEARN about the tools that can help make your new money life easier. Grab your FREE Ultimate Resource Guide HERE. 

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