Silent Preparation Series- How to Prepare for Mediation Divorce

Updated September 12, 2024

Originally Published: June 15, 2021

This is a 3-part series on how to prepare for mediation divorce. Find the first 2 parts here:

1. Silent Preparation Series – Part 1
2. Silent Preparation Series- Part II – Signs You Might Be Living Outside of Your Means

Silent Preparation – Tips on How to Prepare for Mediation Divorce

 Most don’t go into a marriage understanding how to divorce.

Unfortunately (but sometimes fortunately), it’s how many marriages must end. This blog post will enlighten you about how to prepare for mediation divorce and all the complexity it brings with this sucky emotional and financial journey.

As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA® ) and Personal Financial Strategist, I see firsthand the impact that thorough preparation can have on the outcomes of the divorce process.

Today, we’re exploring the critical strategies so that you understand how to prepare for mediation divorce, ensuring that you can confidently maintain your financial security throughout every stage of your divorce case. 

Because divorce is a marathon, not a sprint, it’s also best to engage with a therapist or support group to help you manage the emotional stress.

Mental health is just as important as financial stability, and having a support system can significantly affect how you navigate the process.

How to Prepare for Mediation/Divorce with Confidence

Who you gone call?

If your answer was “Ghostbusters,” you’re definitely “my people.” However, if you’re preparing for a divorce, unfortunately, Ghostbusters can’t help you.

Sawry 😔

Next option…

We often hear that when someone is considering a divorce, their first phone call should be to an attorney.

But if we’re being honest, in some situations, it might be too early for that step.
We’ve heard the stories of nasty divorces that get dragged out in court or the constant fighting after the divorce ends.

We’ve also heard stories of relatively peaceful divorces that still have hefty price tags. I’m sure you can think of much better ways to spend your money.

And let’s be honest if you’ve never been through the divorce process, all of these horror stories scare the bejeezus out of us!

If you and your soon-to-be-ex genuinely have good intentions, divorce doesn’t have to be nasty, and attorneys don’t have to be your first phone call.

There’s nothing wrong with having an experienced divorce attorney on your side, but if your spouse has no idea you plan on divorcing him, there are some other things to understand first. 🤐

Trust yourself to do some sound research, including research on the right legal representation and the legal process. But it’s also about understanding important things related to a divorce settlement and relevant information to get you through the divorce journey.

This will actually help you get through the divorce a bit more smoothly and at a minimum help identify good candidates to help you along your divorce journey.

Download our Divorce Support Pack  to get started on finding the right resources to help you.

The First Steps a Woman Should Take Before Divorcing

When considering a divorce, declaring your intentions in a tangible way is a big part of the FIIRM Approach Framework.

Focus on the keyword here . . . INTENTIONS.

One of the first steps before you divorce is to be intentional when you consider what you really need.

Keep an open mind about what will really serve your best interests (and your kiddos of course).

Notice I didn’t say what you want.

While some items will be a priority for you, if you are dead set on “taking him for everything he’s got” or “limiting time with his kids” merely to stick it to him, this blog probably isn’t meant for you, and we shouldn’t waste each other’s time (respectfully speaking).

On the other hand, if you want to strategically get things in order and divorce as amicably as possible — then you’re aligned with the mission of The FIIRM Approach. Note: we recognize that things may not end amicably, but you intend to start that way.

Now if your spouse is dead set on “sticking it to you”, you’re in the right place because the tips in this post can help you with that.

During the initial phase, it’s a good idea to consider your nice-to-haves and your specific needs.
Let’s consider “the What” and “the Who” to get you through this process and solve complex issues.

Ok, back to those needs of yours!
Most women going through divorce are concerned about financial issues because it’s such a huge part of divorce-related issues. Those financial concerns include things like:

• Will I be able to pay my bills?
• Will I receive financial support or will I have to provide it to my soon-to-be-ex?
• What’s going to happen to our marital home?
• Who will get the retirement accounts?
• How can I earn more money to pay my bills?

Because you ultimately want the most positive outcome possible, other needs on your list may look like this:

• I need to do what I think is best for the kids
• I need to know what to expect in this process
• I need to feel comfortable speaking up for myself

However, here are a few examples of things I classify as “wants” but are often communicated as “needs”:

• I need my kids to stay in the same school/school district
• I need to stay in my house
• I need to maintain the same lifestyle
• I need to control what happens at my ex’s house

We have legitimate fears, worries, and frustrations that are highlighted during the negotiation process.

Some things are connected to what we know about the person we married, while others are connected to what we know/don’t know about ourselves.

So instead of thinking of it as needs versus wants, the best way to look at it is wants vs. non-negotiables.

For example, it’s a non-negotiable that you have enough money to pay your bills, but that may mean that you can’t afford to stay in your current home even though you desire to; thus, staying in your home is a want instead of a non-negotiable.

Early Steps When Considering Divorce | What’s the What?

The “what” comes down to something that seems so simple in layman’s terms but can actually be one of the most daunting tasks – Organizing Your Documents.

When you consider the “what”, one of the easiest yet scariest things you can do is get organized. It may take some time, but it’s often time well spent.

The first step to organizing for this process is to gather your financial information. Conduct a thorough inventory of your financial situation. This means gathering financial documents related to income, expenses, assets, and liabilities. Completing a financial affidavit or disclosure is often required, and having an organized and comprehensive view of your finances will make this process smoother.

These documents include but aren’t limited too:

• Budget: Monthly Bills/Irregular expenses
• Pay Stubs
• Bank Accounts: Bank Statements, Account numbers, Institution Names
• Credit Cards Statements
• Tax Returns
• Titles/Property Documents
• Life Insurance Policies

Gather documents for everything you own and owe, essentially anything else that’s part of your financial life, as its crucial for property division.

Now, organizing documents may not be the most exciting thing in the world. It may not bring you joy. However, organizing produces two primary outcomes: credibility and confidence.

These two elements are key to navigating your divorce or divorce mediation process.

Organizing relevant documents gives you a better insight into your position and helps with your credibility during your divorce journey.

It indicates that you have a keen awareness of your finances and can back up your positions, ultimately leading to fewer headaches and fewer phone calls.

Understand the Modern-Day Divorce Process | Who’s the Who?

Thank You, Technology!

While the laws still haven’t really caught up yet to modern times & technology, we will take the wins where we can get them!

Some divorce industry professionals are helping to change things.

I love it and want more of it… 😉😉

Plus, technology is also playing a bigger role in divorce, especially since COVID-19.

Divorce pros who weren’t always at the table before now not only have a seat—they have a voice.

Consider this…

Becoming an Uber driver or social media manager wasn’t a thing fifty years ago.

Yet here we are.

Allow me to introduce you to divorce in the 21st century.

Some powerful forces can help you get through your divorce process, most of which you may have never heard of.

By the way, I have absolutely nothing against the traditional litigation process.

However, the divorce industry is changing, and there are specific steps a woman can take when preparing for divorce that help her achieve the amicable resolution she wants without fighting in court.

So let’s get into it.

Assemble Your Team | Working with Trained Professionals

Learning about the divorce professionals available to support you is another vital step to getting the help you need for your particular situation.

Your next step in preparing for divorce is assembling the right team of professionals.

So how can a trained professional help you with strategic negotiations?

Maybe you’ve never heard of a divorce coach, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA® ) or mortgage specialist.

Here is a breakdown of some helpful professionals to add to your divorce preparation checklist.

Negotiating during a divorce can be emotionally charged, but staying focused on your long-term financial security is essential.

Custody and Support Agreements

If you have children, custody and support agreements will be a significant part of your divorce. It’s crucial to consider how these agreements will affect your financial situation. For example, understand how this might impact custody arrangements and support payments if you plan to move. Your divorce coach and attorney can help manage these discussions to ensure they are in the best interest of both you and your children.

The Role of Divorce Mediator

Mediation is an increasingly popular method for couples to have an agreeable settlement without the hostile nature of traditional divorce proceedings.

Mediators don’t provide legal advice but an experienced mediator can help to ensure you understand your legal rights and work with your legal counsel.

When choosing a mediator, consider their experience, training, and style.

Benefits of Mediation

A divorce mediator is crucial as a neutral third party in facilitating discussions between a divorcing couple.

Unlike a judge or an attorney, a mediator does not make decisions for you.

Instead, they guide the conversation to help you and your spouse reach a fair divorce agreement. Mediators help identify issues, explore options, and encourage open communication.

This approach can lead to more amicable solutions and reduce the stress often associated with divorce.

Some mediators focus on legal issues, while others emphasize emotional and psychological aspects.

To ensure a successful mediation process, select a mediator who aligns with your needs and expectations.

In addition to helping to figure out the division of assets, spousal support, also known as alimony, is a common topic during divorce mediation.

The Role of Family Law Attorneys

Mediation focuses on collaboration and family law attorneys can play an active role in providing valuable support and guidance.

An attorney can help you understand your rights, draft and/or review proposed agreements, and offer strategic advice.

It is important to choose an attorney with experience in mediation. They will likely understand the nuances of the mediation process and can help you achieve the best possible outcome.

Having a divorce lawyer on your side can also provide peace of mind, knowing that you have an expert advocating for your interests and ensuring that your final agreement is fair and legally sound.

The Role of a Divorce Coach

Divorce Coaches are also becoming increasingly popular and can help with the following:

• Prepare for the mediation divorce process
• Strategic decisions regarding settlement agreement decisions
• Understanding your state laws
• Managing your expectations
• Providing useful information

Divorce coaches can be complementary to the mediation process. Some divorce coaches are also mediators.

The Role of a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst

Most of us are familiar with a traditional financial advisor.

However, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®) focuses specifically on divorce financial matters & evaluating your current and future income needs, especially if you are the primary breadwinner.

Understanding your cash flow and budgeting will help you negotiate alimony and child support more effectively.

This is where a CDFA® can be invaluable, as they can help you project your financial needs and ensure that you are prepared for post-divorce financial independence.

Certified Divorce Financial Analysts can help you understand the financial decisions made today and their impact on your financial future. Things like:

• Property divisions
• Tax issues
• Earning capabilities
• Retirement Funds
• Support Payments

If you have children, custody and support agreements will be a significant part of your divorce. It’s crucial to consider how these agreements will affect your financial situation.

For example, if you plan to move, you will need to understand how this might impact custody arrangements and support payments.

Work with your divorce financial strategist, divorce coach, mediator and attorney to develop a clear picture of what you need to maintain your lifestyle post-divorce and ensure decisions are in your and your children’s best interest.

The Role of a Divorce Mortgage Specialist

Certified Lending Divorce Professionals and Divorce Mortgage Specialists understand how to evaluate income, child support, and alimony during the mortgage underwriting process and sometimes provide helpful education in negotiations.

They can help ensure that your legal documents are worded appropriately to reduce the risk of you not being approved for a new mortgage or refinance.

Time for Action

I know you may be used to carrying the weight (alone), but I just want to remind/inform you that you don’t have to do this alone.

This blog post was intended to help you better understand how to prepare for mediation divorce and keep your divorce costs down. Take action today and prepare your list of your non-negotiables vs your wants.

Ready to take control of your financial future Download our Divorce Support Pack to get started on finding the right resources to help you.

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